Don't worry, I am still happy and feel secure.<P>I do have one question.<P>I can't wear my wedding rings. I don't feel they mean what I need them to mean.<P>Any imput. Is this unreasonable

Thats a funny one to me. I was fine with wearing my rings until this past weekend, yet things have been wonderful. Maybe because I feel I've earned them. And they do mean so much more than the marriage. The rings were his grandmother's who had passed on but she was his mother's mother and I named our daughter after her, so she connected with me. I've been told I act alot like her, that I don't sit down much and that I am a pip, like her. Maybe that's why. The one hurtful event that I found out recently was the fact that he did take the ring off when he was with her. But I wonder if that's a good thing now, cause then I know she didn't taint it! <P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P>

I haven't really worn my since he left I tried a couple of times bur it just didn't feel right. They mean a lot to me 27 years worth of memories or I guess I should 26 don't want to remember this past year. But anyway you are normal. <P>------------------<BR>di<P>

I felt that way at first...then I decided that if we make it through this they will represent the love we had and the love that we will find after the hard times are over. I will always have the reminder of what we have been through and hope it will help me and H not to make the same mistakes again.<BR>I don't know if this makes sense or not...LOL<P>------------------<BR>Jaded Heart<BR>____________<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>and if I shed a tear I won't cage it<BR>I won't fear love<BR>and if I feel a rage I won't deny it<BR>I won't fear love<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>"Fumbling Towards Ecstasy"<BR>Sarah Mclachlan<P>

I just feel they don't mean what he promised them to mean.<P>I have told him that our old marriage is over, because it wasn't really what it was supposed to be in the first place, but I would consider a new marriage.<P>I would accept a new promise, new vows and a new ring and wear with with love and pride. I just want to make sure I'm not just wanting a new ring.

I feel the very same way. New promise, new rings. I tried on my rings the other day after not wearing them for 5 months and I almost got physically sick. Those ring HAD meant a lot to me in all the years that I wore them. Now they are just family trinkets that I will pass on to my children. I consider their sentimental value a joke. I am quite used to not wearing any rings. I am also quite used to not being truely confident that his new promise to stay faithful is true.

Mine stays on until (if) the day ever comes we get a divorce. Then I hand it back to her.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A>

Essyboo .. I haven't worn mine in a LONG TIME! Yes, I am feeling good about our relationship as well, but I knew he wasn't with me, even though he was here with me. Plus when I got mad and gave up on us, I gained weight and they wouldn't fit. I tried to find them the other day and now I don't even know where they are, but even if I had of found them, I wouldn't of worn them. If we are still doing this good in March, our 8th anniversary, that is what I am going to ask for, a new set of rings! He has to show me this is real this time and I won't be blindsided by anymore lies. He has been wonderful for the past 4 days, since our blow up last week! Maybe oh maybe!<BR>Yeah I think your feelings are normal! <BR>M<P>------------------<BR>Mater<P>

I agree with the others, this is so normal. I took mine off a few days post discovery. I feel they lost their meaning. The rings symbolize an unbroken bond (the circle) between you, since the covenent was broken, in essence so are the rings.<P>I've already decided if I try with him I will insist on new rings (BIGGER DIAMOND, Platinum too!). The old symbolize the old marriage as a previous post said. The old marriage is dead. My H wore his rings while cheating, which did taint it for me. I used to see it and get angry. A few weeks post discovery, he tearfully gave me his ring and said he wasn't worthy to have it. I agreed. I cried but he was right about it.<P>They are a symbol thats why they mean so much. Don't feel guilty, they should for breaking the vow. Not us for realizing the effects.<P>Heres to mega diamonds!! Even if they are in wedding rings, we can buy ourselves I love me rings!!

I meant to say ARN'T in wedding rings!!

H stopped wearing his wedding ring years ago because he claimed that he was constantly hooking it on nails and things at work (but the past few years, he's been wearing a Mason's ring that looks like a wedding band, so go figure). And, about 15-16 years ago, he bought me a 1 carat CZ ('cuz it was only $100 and looked like a diamond, so it oughta do, huh?) and got a plain band to go with it. Anyway, we gave our original rings to our son and his wife when they got married. Now, they're divorced, and I'll probably never get my ring back from her, even though she's remarried. I used to care, but I don't anymore.<BR> Anyway, about a year ago, I told my H that I wanted us to renew our wedding vows for our 30th anniversary (in June of 2000), and his response was, "She----*****t!" Well, that night, he showed his butt big-time, and I took my rings off and put them on his valet tray on his chest of drawers, where they remain today. I put them on one time since then, but it was too painful for me to look at them, so I put them back on his valet tray.<P> I have told him that I want a whole new marriage proposal, new rings, new wedding, honeymoon, and a new anniversary date. As far as I'm concerned, the old date is just the anniversary of the first time I had sex, plus he has almost never acted like it was a really special day to him, so I want a new one. I had an expensive set of rings picked out, but I found a diamond band that I like almost as well for a lot less. I think he may be planning to give it to me at Christmas. When we were at counseling, he raised the issue of my wanting the expensive rings, and the counselor asked me if there was any particular reason for it. I told her that I had settle for a lot less than I wanted for all these years, and that if left up to him, he would buy one of those really cheap Walmart wedding ring sets with teeny-weeny diamond CHIPS and think that should do.<BR>I want a ring that shouts to the world that he loves me and thinks I'm worth the expense. I also want to be able to wave it in Cafe Woman's face....so THERE!!! <P> The only problem is that, now, I've decided that there will be no renewal of vows unless he either tells me the whole truth or finds some way of convincing me that he has already told me the truth about everything.<p>[This message has been edited by Sweetpea (edited November 08, 1999).]

Essyboo,<BR>Neither of us took our rings off. We were determined that we would get through this. After all, they were a symbol of a promise. We never gave up, taking the rings off ment it was over to us. On our 30th aniversary, 16 mo. into recovery, we both took each others rings and had them cleaned and Buffed. All the tarnish and scratches were gone. We gave them back on June 7th, sitting on the couch in our living room.<BR>My H said he never took his ring off. It gave me some satisfaction. I guess we all look at things differently.<BR>Almost <P>--------<BR>TIME

Hey Guys,<P>We have/had two sets of wedding rings. One "good" set with diamonds, the Sunday go to meeting ones, and everyday simple gold bands.<P>Val always wore hers, the good one. I usually did not wear mine. It got banged up on the litter,[ambulance guy remember?] or that's what I thought. Not really sure if that was the real reason or if I was a total [censored] even then.<P>Upon discovery, I wore the simple one everyday. I guess to try to satisfy myself that I was working on the marriage. I wore it more this year, my worst year, than ever before. Just most recently took it off, couldn't mentally deal with it anymore. It served as a bad reminder that the marriage is not salvagable.<P>I have been sporting a "red painted nail" on my wedding ring finger to denote my bleeding heart. I hope you guys appreciate my revealing this! Stories from old tell that the left ring finger goes closest to the heart or something like that. GET IT? Heart is bleeding? RED NAIL? <P>Yea, I get a lot of strange looks from some folks. You can tell they see the nail, most don't ask, others wonder what happened? But at least you guys know I have a headful of bad wiring.<P>Have to go and touch up my ring finger.<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic

My H and I still wear our rings and, yes, it hurts sometimes to look at my rings and know the symbol of what they meant and how that promise has been broken by him now but I hold on to the thought that it WAS a promise and I hope that it will mean something to him again one day. I will never stop loving him and I will take my rings off on the day (if there is one) when the divorce is final.

i took mine off when i got served d papers and we separated because i don't feel very married...w says her wedding ring doesn't fit because she lost so much weight but i am sure she feels the same...trying hard

The minute it comes off, the minute it's over!<P>I've got to feel that I can rebuild our marriage, and that my W is on board, too. And, as a betrayed, I wonder if she would ever take it off. So far, she hasn't. And, I look every day.<P>That may be my only sign right now that she still wants our marriage to work out. If I remove my ring, doesn't it send the wrong message to her?<P>Here's a thought... Do you think she ever took off the ring when she was having her affair. My W's was emotional affair, not physical (I think). Or, do you ever think she looked down onto that ring and thought about me when she was having her "friendship"? How about the OM -- think he look at her weeding ring? At his own? Just a thought.<P>-- keystone<p>[This message has been edited by keystone (edited November 09, 1999).]

Hi Essyboo! (that is such an improvement over BOTL)<P>As he was packing to leave for our separation, my h. held his hand out to me and said would you please remove my ring, I have broken the vow that goes with it. <BR>Then he said "may I remove yours?" We put them in an envelope with our wedding pictures, which I had been transferring to a better album. About five weeks later, when he had been back home for a couple of weeks (separation was only three weeks), I brought them to him at bedtime and held them out to him. We had agreed to leave them off until they meant something again.<P>"Are you sure we are ready for this?" h.<P>"I am not saying that all is well and we are where we belong...Just that I am not ready to give up. Would you please put my ring back on my finger?"<P>"Oh, yes. I am not ready to quit either. Put mine back on me too." H.<P>We do plan to have a new ceremony with new vows and rings...when we are ready. <P>I asked him if he and OW removed their rings when together and he looked puzzled and said "No, never". I guess I had hoped that he at least remembered that he was married and set his band on the bedside table, but I guess that would have taken time out of their nooners....?<P>have a good day...<BR>LizPearl<P>------------------<BR><BR>"I have found the Pearl of Great Price"<BR>

The names change but the feelings remain the same. I took mine off a few days after discovery. I asked, and he told me that he kept his ring on when he was with her (major YUCK!). A few weeks ago I asked him to give me his ring and he reluctantly handed it over. <P>I took the three of them (the two wedding bands, and my engagement ring) to a jeweler that specializes in remaking jewelry...they are being all three melted, a little new gold added, and three new rings made. The new ones will be similar, the bands on mine a little wider and the diamond set a little differently, and his will have an increased karat weight. For a "legal/numbers" gal, I thought this was pretty creative and symbolic, melting them together, purifying by fire, adding new gold. My plan is when they are finished and I'm confident in US, I will ask our marriage counselor (a licensed counselor but also a minister, though not ours)to marry us again.<P>This sounds pretty upbeat and it is - - - the only problem is that my H has just seemed worried about what other people will think since we aren't wearing our rings (people like his parents). I have bit my tongue and told him, if anybody asks tell them they are being redone for Christmas...I did not tell him, you should be more worried about what I think and IF I plan on ever putting them on again. (anybody who knows me will attest to the fact that holding my tongue is not easy for me - sometimes it takes TWO hands )<P>Good luck.<P><BR>"Men stumble over the truth from time to time, but most pick themselves up and hurry off as nothing happened" - - - Winston Churchill

Essyboo I took my rings off Theursday Nov 4 and have not put them back on. I felt they represented a childhood love. I received my engagement ring in the 10th grade I thought it was so sweet. It cost him a pretty mint too. I had my E ring set into another ring which I fell in love with at first sight. Now I am thinking if weget this thing togehter I might need a new one to represent adult love. Funny huh! I don't know what H will think about this but if he is ready to start over he'll see this as a synbol of our new love for each other.