My story isn't long but I (age 47) need help. Husband (48) of 25 years is having an affair with a woman from work half his age. He says they're just friends but my source says otherwise. He agreed to end it if I didn't go to the boss with it (he's her supervisor). He sent her a no contact text, but turned around and had someone forward her a text saying nothing's changed, and I forced him to send the first text.
He's cheated on me a few times throughout the marriage but we always made amends.
This time he says he's not 'in love' with me, but still loves me and will till the day he dies.
Our sons are 22 and 15. I have not exposed the affair and agreed not to drag Her through anything if he'd agree to try Marriage Builders. He did agree, but says it's not gonna work because 'a leopard can't change his spots and he's a womanizing jerk'. I know he doesn't want to hurt me and that's the only reason he agreed to try.
He wants to go ahead and end the marriage . I basically begged him not to. Stupid, I know. Our marriage has been sexless for 2 years, I thought due to us growing apart and his low T. We have been 'roommate's for 2 years, but always expressed love...holding hands, kisses 'I love you's, etc. Just basically checked out, both of us.
I desperately want him to give us a real chance and end all contact with OW, but not sure what to do or say. We are both exhausted from the emotional turmoil. Please help!
Forgot to add OW is leaving the country for a year in France in 4 months. Also, I work at the same place as WS and OW.

Well, the very 1st thing in the MB Plan is for You to expose his affairs, especially the current ongoing one.

This gets done Without you forewarning him that it will be done.

Others will provide you example templates on what your exposure letters should say.

In the meantime, YOU Must read tbe sticky post at the top of this subforum.

But, he really does not currently have any plans to change his serial cheating ways.

Exposure "May" shock him bag to reality, but it is a much more difficult task with serial cheaters.

Read the thread and any links that are in it.

Also, buy the book, "Surviving An Affair".

LTL

Marriage Builders program 1 and 2 on the way, ordered this morning.
He says he'll try. How do I get him to be honest and cease contact with OW?
Edited to add.... is there any hope at this point?

Did you read the thread I pointed out to you yet?

The 1st Step is Exposure.

There is No 2nd Step until that is done and he follows the checklist from Surviving An Affair.

LTL

He is planning to hurt you again. He has no intention of being faithful to you, ever.

If you stay with him, you are volunteering for more of what you have been through for the whole marriage.

You have wasted your money, I am afraid. Before you can use the program, you must follow the Marriage Builders steps to end his affair, which is a) expose the hell out of the it and get him to leave his job. If you are not willing to do that, this is hopeless. There is a very, very long shot you can save this, but that is the only way.

Your husband only agreed to "do the program" to get you off his back and leave his girlfriend alone. YOU FELL FOR IT. We cannot help you if you choose to enable his affair. And thus far, you have been his biggest enabler.

I would take a day and expose to the authorities at his workplace, his parents, her parents, her Facebook friends, your close friends, children using the templates and tactics on my exposure thread.

That is your only hope and it is a small one at that.

It does not sound too good to me. "I'll try" is a statement you make when you want to avoid making a decision. It's better than nothing, but you "decide" to quit smoking, you don't quit with "I'll try". It sounds like he really loves you and, like many men - also loves sex. I knew many men who cheated and loved their wives very much. I'm afraid you are going on a very rough ride, but I wish you the best.

A spouse that loves their partner will not cheat, just as a friend will not stab you in the back with a knife.

I'm not sure that I understand...are you saying that your husband is the OWs supervisor?
The two of you have never "made amends", or else another affair could not have happened. The first step to true recovery is to end all contact with the lover. Affairs are addictive, as you've witnessed through your husband's multiple affairs. It is impossible to "make amends" or to recover in any way while your husband is still in contact with his lover at all (including at work). And for the record....YOU will also need to leave that job and never have contact with the OW again either.
Agreeing to blackmail like this is a very poor choice on your part. First of all, you are agreeing that his job (income) is more important than your marriage. Secondly, while your husband is still in contact at work with his lover, the two of you are NOT a team, so why would you agree to throwing your own marriage under the bus? The only thing that you will accomplish at the moment by negotiating with your husband is alerting him and his lover to what is going through your mind so that THEY can work together to do any damage control necessary.

I hope that you will change your mind and expose to your husband's boss, to your children, to the OWs family and friends, to your and your husband's family and friends. Do this without any warning at all. Please follow the instructions in the exposure thread to a "T" because I suspect that you do not (yet) realize just how big of a monster you are dealing with here.

I'm sorry for what you are going through. I'm glad that you found MB. Welcome.

Unfortunately, that is simply not true. You can have a good marriage and still succumb to an affair. It is simply a matter of not guarding your love bank against outside threats. Don't think that just because you and your spouse love each other, you are somehow safe. That is not true. It takes extraordinary precautions to keep you safe.