I understand. I still like to think that age, and our history together accounts for something. I need to be able to hang onto some hope.

No, I haven't confronted her at work. I have been to emotional to handle that part of it, and seeing her with him.

She physically pushed 2 of our staff members, and called them the "C" word, and harassed another via telephone and text. I don't want to put myself in the position that it gets to that point. Why? It's not going to do anything.

I understand. Follow the steps, Ginger. Expose and protect your finances. The sooner you expose the sooner you can get to the next step.

If she behaves likes that it can get her arrested

I would take a couple friends and go to the restaurant but that's just me.

Ginger

The process of recovering from affairs is tough in any marriage but is extra tough in marriages where the wayward spouse is a serial cheater.

Your WH has already walked out on two marriages when the going got tough and even after 17 years he is still walking away from your marriage with the same disregard for the consequences or the hurt he is causing,

I won't say that the situation is hopeless but I just want you to realised that he may not have matured as much as you think and if you wish to take the extraordinarily tough path to recover then you are In a position where more than most would need to follow this program to the letter in order to stand any hope of there being any future with your WH.

I know it's scary and can seem quite radical to follow advice of strangers online and a therapist you never met but please understand that

1) people here have been in your shoes and would not advise you to do anything they gavent had to do themselves

2)Most people here's HAVE recovered.

3) Dr Harley is an expert at saving marriages and has a well documented track record.

4) in my opinion you don't have a marriage right now, your husband is gone and you can't drive him further away by following this advice, he is gone all you can hope for is getting him back and creating a marriage where this never happens again.

5) you will find that most people (friend and family) have something to say about the situation but most people don't know how to save marriages so really their advice is nice but to be taken with caution.

6) cutting any corners will inevitably lead to more heartache and suffering (trust me had I followed the advice here my marriage might have survived as opposed to finding out that I was still being betrayed 4 years later).

Do you mean by the statement below that even by sending these letters out, people may not be effective enough at communicating with him? Maybe I don't understand.


5) you will find that most people (friend and family) have something to say about the situation but most people don't know how to save marriages so really their advice is nice but to be taken with caution.

I appreciate everyone here, I feel so cared for! Thank you!

Here's the letter with the change to "our" employee. I also added this line.......and a prep cook who works in the kitchen with XXXX.

Dear friends and family,

I am writing to you because you are an important person in the lives of XXXX and I. As some of you may know, XXXX has recently asked me for a separation, which has shattered my heart. To my shock, I am saddened to have discovered that the reason is because he has been carrying on an affair with a woman named XXXX XXX XXXX who resides in XXXX. She is our employee at XXXX XXXX XXXX, and a prep cook who works in the kitchen with XXXX. The purpose of the separation is so that he can carry on his affair without my interference.

He refuses to end the affair. I want our marriage to recover from this affair. If you have any influence with my husband, please do what you can to get him to stop this dangerous affair. I want to stay married, but the affair must end.

As our friends and family, I am asking that you use your influence with XXXX to persuade him to end his affair, and try to work on our marriage. Our marriage can be salvaged if he would only end the affair. Please support him in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage.

I would so appreciate your support and prayers.

XXXX: XXX-XXX-XXXX (restaurant)
XXX-XXX-XXXX (cell)

Warmest regards,

XXXX

I like it

Not at all I mean his brothers accusations toward your or people feeding you information on weather he looks happy/sad/ stressed etc,

In my case some people simply didn't understand why I wanted a cheating spouse back etc.

People like to give their opinion on things and I have seen too many Betrayes Spouses doubt themselves or get scared by these opinions.

The facts remain most people don't know how to recover after an affair or how to brake up an affair but people here and the plan they follow are your best chance.

I have been defending my choice to fight for my husband since day 1! I have had to cut ties with some relatives for right now, simply because I couldn't handle the negativity.

Here is the OW letter.

Dear friends and family of XXX XXX XXXXXX,

It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of her friends and family should be aware that XXX is having an affair with my husband, XXXX. We have been married for 14 years, and together a total of 17 years. They have been having this affair since early March according to the evidence.

I would ask that you use your influence with XXX to persuade her to leave my husband alone. You should also watch your own husbands around her because she is no friend to marriage.

Thank you,

XXXX

Do I send the picture of the two of them with the OW's letter to her friends and family. Yes, it was on her FB page, but some may not have seen it.

I would say no to that based on the fact that she already shared it publicly herself with the probable intention of hurting you. Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing it hurt you that much.

Be emotionally prepared for the outrage that your husband will spew towards you and telling you that because of what You have now done, there is no chance of him even considering recovering your marriage.

There is a list of crazy things that come out of their pie hole on this site and if you hit all the targets at the same time, he will follow that script.

Remain calm and Repeat..... Once you end your affair, then we can both recover our marriage.

Don't tell him about this site and your forum topic thread yet either.

When you do this exposure today, you should withdraw At Least 50% of the co-owned business finances. Even your lawyer would advise you that half of the assets our legally yours.

If he speaks abusively, don't cry. Just calmly tell him that if he can not change his tone, then the conversation will need to be put on hold until things calm down.

Speak with the closest Family and Friends directly while you are sending out your e-mails and FB Private Messages.

Do not post your letter on your Wall. This exposure is to be done to each individual in private.

When sending the FB private messages, you "May" have to wait 2-3 minutes between each sent out PM, otherwise FB will consider a flood of messages at one time to be spam.

Hang tough, yet calm. Don't be needy or falling apart. That will drive him further away even more.

Good Success with your deliveries.

LTL

If you want to share it with your own friends and family thats another matter and it's really up to you. He's not hiding or denying the affair so I'm not sure what your aim would be

Probably just to add more people to contacting him I think. Isn't it true that the more that contact, the better?

I have an appt tomorrow at 9:30 am with the lawyer.

It's 5:00 pm here, do you think it would be better to send out tomorrow a.m.? What if people read this now, and then forget about it overnight, and not bother to contact?

Really? I was thinking it was perfect because they can work together. Am I missing something?

So, his affair blew up right at the two year deadline huh?

Don't worry about the serial cheater thing for now - it's tough - but things can be done and let's work on the job in front of us, exposure. Remember exposure is mostly about you - if you get hurt you get help. You tell people and you tell on people!




Two things: encourage people to tell him off but ultimately it is up to them.

Secondly people will look at you like you are crazy and dissuade you from recovery. Or go to the other extreme of counselling blind trust. Pat their hands and reassure them you have a PLAN and high hoops for him to jump through IF you decide to recover.




This can change when they see you have HIGH standards and a plan to make cheating IMPOSSIBLE.



We want that RL support for you too.

Good luck with the job. I was offered one today so I'll send my good luck fairy over