Do you want help, pio? The goal of recovery is 2 pronged: affair proof the marriage and create a romantic relationship. We can help you achieve this.

I can't count the couples over the years who came back with repeat affairs because they didn't follow the program. I know what happens when couples spend the nights apart. They set themselves up for an affair because they become emotionally detached. Since they are spending nights apart, the opportunity for an affair is right there. But that is not the only damage by far.

My H and I were transferred to Houston back in 2007 and I went down to work before he did. I would leave on Monday and come back on Friday. It was a disaster for our marriage as we quickly discovered. We stopped doing that after a couple of weeks. I was amazed at how quickly we became emotionally detached. We both were both very independent while apart, so when we came back together, there was always fireworks until we got used to accommodating each other again.

My point is that you can't possibly sustain an integrated, romantic relationship while living apart.

Hey Mr. W. Give Mrs. W my regards.

DD2 is as happy as I've ever seen her. She is the most mature of the 4 of us. The DDs were raised here. They have known nothing but here. Once they tasted over there, they wanted nothing to do with here. We have a house there where we can get together for breaks and holidays. We are starting to take root. That is part of what is making this work. We are no longer nomads. I know you are up on current events. Having DDs here is not an option. The kids that stay here are alcoholics, on drugs or both. Believe it or not but absolutely true. I'm just glad DDs are out of harm's way.

M/L, i will get back to you on that. If I discover that anything is not right, I will call you first. But in this moment I love gemela as much ch as I akways have. Can't wait to see her.

I know there is the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" thing. I actually got that once. Te queiro pero no estoy enamorada de ti. Some how sounds better inSpanish. Not really.

I will say that, until I found out, I was in love with gemela. I have never gotten that back. But I do love her as much as the day I met her.

Good to know you have my back even though I'm the prodigal son.

I did visit SI dot com a few minutes ago (not sports illustrated - the other SI). I would not have survived there. Thanks MB for being there.

To be clear, the harm I am not talking about is not alcohol or drugs.

The harm IS real. It IS closer every day.

Nah...let's be clear...if you and your wife had bought into POJA (never do anything without enthusiastic agreement from both of you), then you would not be in this boat.

But MB isn't about educating our spouse so that they get the point. We don't have to agree with our spouse's perspective at all...we just have to not DO anything until both are enthusiastic about the choice.

It's a win/win for both of you.

Gemela never bought into POJA, MB, or any of it. Read her thread. This was all me based on MB advice. Our marriage showed the results and even gemela would have to agree with that. But nothing I could ever do would be stronger than the family. Whether I am right or wrong, I believe there is a big cultural difference between the two sides of the Rio Grande. South, family comes first.

Pio--a voice from the past! Glad to hear that you Gemela are still around and kicking. Good luck with resettling. Idaho is a nice place. Not that I live there myself. (Not that extreme northeastern Montana is a more salubrious environment, either!)

tl

I think there is something twins believe. Whether real or perceived, there is a bond that transcends physical reality.

As a somewhat yet not quite scientific observer, there might be some evidence.

I have seen at least 7 or 8 occasions where one awoke in pain only to find out later the other had gotten badly hurt. How do I fight that whether it is true or not? They believe it.

Can you possibly link to her thread still? I just went and tried a search, but can't go back further than five years.

OMG!

T&L!

I have not the words!

I googled "idaho" but all I got was "do you mean" "I don't know?".

For me, Big Sky is the way to go. But DDs are somewhat dictating where we can land. We have told them that they won't be there for more than a few weeks a year at most. Doesn't matter. At this point it is all about them. For me, I'll be happy anywhere. Why not? I've been miserable everywhere else. I want good Harley country. Unfortunately that would put me in SD. How many times can you visit Wall Drug without getting tired of bison burgers?

BS2013, I will try tomorrow. All I have tonight is an iPad. My finger is bigger than the buttons. I did not really follow her thread. Part of the deal. There were a very few people that responded her. Very special people who I have great tespect for but ai think it was all in Spanish.

What was her posting name?

gemela

I never have gotten rid of the feeling I am the frog in the pot of warm water on the stove. But my fear more IS personal rather than of another affair.

And here's a Spanish one: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1604982&page=1

I'm not surprised that you have that feeling now, with your wife living in another country. I can't understand why you took the decision to live like that; to do something that increases the odds of an affair very significantly.

I don't understand this. Aren't you and your children your wife's family? Are you saying that her sister and her children are placed above you and your children, in your wife's mind?

What relevance has this got to her living in another country?

This is what I remember most about you--your wit and unsquashable good humor in the face of a LOT of disappointments and grief. You reminded me of a Bobo doll, getting smacked over and over and always bouncing (sometimes slowly, sometimes fast) back up again. You seem to have retained that ability. You made me laugh. (Is Wall Drug Store still around? I visited that place 60 years ago with my parents on their furlough and had no idea it was still around and selling bison burgers, to boot!) I hope you make yourself laugh, too! Chaste, MB hugs to a special person.

tl