Wisconsin (west central side of the state.)

Thoughts on this order for my plans? Yes, no? Any other suggestions?

Sounds like a good plan.

Consider if you need to further expose OW. I think you did a good FB exposure? How about one of the online sites too - she will be exposed to whoever googles her that way. Sounds like you'd be doing a public service.

Have your IM read the training thread.

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2264548

I would change your PO box - you don't want to be running into her in Plan B. Is that not a bit of a spooky coincidence?

Some OW stalk the BW in order to get dirt/ take over her identity by copying her.

I think moving my mail is a great idea! I never thought of that. Technically, I get up early to go get my mail, and I'm sure OW is still sleeping off the drunk from the night before. But, this way I can move it closer to my home, and not have to go that way at all, and risk seeing either.

I deactivated my FB page when the daughter was trying to friend me. I did put it back up a couple days later because my friends were contacting me wondering if something was wrong with me, because H is telling everyone I'm going crazy. I think it may be better just to pull it down for a longer period of time.

I would leave it up in case anyone has any questions about the affair. You don't need to give the appearance that you have anything to hide.

What about the OW mother? Have you contacted her yet?

I have tried to find info on my own, but can't. No one will talk to me about her anymore. I have a call into the investigators, but still waiting for a call back.

Do you know the mother's name? Have you tried doing a search on people finder.com or intelius.com?

Everything is going to hinge on things going smoothly tomorrow before I'll feel better.

I had changed the locks on the doors of a separate room in the barn where we keep a few things. I see he broke into that room, pulled the handle hard enough to pull it from the frame. He took the boat, so I imagine he was after the motors in that room. The sheriff must have pulled up before he could take any of it. So I'm not putting anything past him when he's angry like this.

When the sheriff was here, he seemed more on H side, and not very sympathetic to the fact that H had threatened me the night before, and I was somewhat scared of him. I live alone, and you never know how far a mans rage can push him, especially when he isn't really in control of his own "normal" emotions right now.

Ginger,

As you can see, I have been "around" for a few years and lurked here for quite some time before I registered.

When I saw the date of your first post and then how many pages after that, I read through your thread. Not every page and every post, but every third page or so. Why? Because I KNEW the "in-between" after I read that you were going to expose!!

The denial, the anger, the "damsel in distress", the locks, threats, your guilt/wavering, etc. Textbook!

So, here's what I have to say to you: YOU ROCK!!

LTL posted to you the prediction of your WH's reaction to exposure as many others did, and advised how to handle, and you did. I have nothing more to add as all bases are thoroughly covered with this awesome group, so I am only posting moral support and major kudos for having the "lady-set" (also known as bravery) to do what you need to do to save your M and protect yourself both emotionally and physically.

As you move through the MB steps, know that the program is your very best shot at saving this marriage if you choose to. And, if not, this will be the healthiest path for YOU to take.

I am proud of you. Hold your head high as you move forward.

Heed the advice here from this incredibly brilliant group of people (new and vets), as these are real people that come from all sorts of places in life...the know of what they speak.

Prayers to you for the outcome of YOUR choosing.

I have been giving some thought to loading up the items I know he wanted in my horse trailer, and taking the trailer down to the neighbors.

Thoughts? Legal?

Thank you so very much surfer! Those words mean so much to me. As someone who has always relied on her husband to help her through the tough moments in life, this has literally felt like hell going through this. But the encouragement I get here is so valuable to me. It makes up for the grief I get outside of this group.

Black Raven: I just posted to support Ginger, and then read more posts...this one? tears. lol tears. I miss this place!!!!

Ginger, you copied and saved the OW's friends list from Facebook, correct?

Have you tried going to each one of the friend pages, and then looking at photos from there? When you look at the photos, also check the responses to those photos that will show on the top right. You might luck out there and find some other relatives. That is what worked for me. I found just one, and then viewed that person's photos and so forth until I had the whole family.

You are welcome! What I absolutely love about MB is the action plan. In fact, I wish I had MB-ers at work...we'd get a lot more done.

I read through a bit more, and I cannot express the strength of the woman who first posted versus the Ginger today. In just a few days, just look at how far you have come with taking control of your own future, regardless of the outcome.

You'll get a lot of people that are near and dear to you that will question and disagree with your methods, and that's natural when one is emotionally tied to both parties (or just one). Brush it of with a kind heart. In the words of some guy..."forgive them for they know not what they do."

Some will understand later, some will now, and some may never. That will define who will be a part of your future by YOUR standards. That's why Plan B is so important. Hold the love you have, stay kind, but firm. It's not easy. MB-ers know it's not easy. If you haven't yet, read through Piggly's thread one day. An, Indie's. That's only 2. And, the successes...

*stepping off soapbox.

You're doing GREAT. Not 100% sure if you are in a sound Plan B yet, but get thee an IM ASAP (if not)!

Yep, and also when you have a name on your FB toolbar (as if to search), don't enter the name, but set your cursor to the right of the name. Depending on privacy settings it'll show you "posts Surfer88 likes" or "posts Surfer88 commented on" for more search options.

Don't forget twitter. Google first and last name @twitter. Long shot, but if you find the person, they may link pictures posted on Instagram...annnnddd back to family names.

Well, I found out what town she is originally from, so I'm searching through the friends from that specific area, thinking they may be family too. She's been married so many times, I have no idea what her maiden name may be.

It's been a very hard road, but I just reached the point where I got tired of being the timid little pushover wife he expected me to be. He pissed me off. It was easy to grow a set after that.

Honestly, I've seen how ugly and threatening he has been now, and I don't like it at all. It scares me. This time has given me the time I needed to go back and really look at the relationship, and all the things he blames me for. Yes, I had fault, we both did. But I go back and see how he's controlled our relationship over the years, and how verbally insulting he could be. I think others always noticed it, but I don't think I did. I don't know if I could trust him again, or if I'd always be waiting for the next time to happen. I need to do a lot of soul searching going forward, and really take the time I need to heal, and decide what I want.

Surfer, not in Plan B yet.....hopefully after tomorrow, but I do have an IM.

Planning to be at the lawyers office when she opens tomorrow morning.

Good for you! Know this, and food for thought. Your WH fell off the marriage wagon. He can get back on, Honey. This site is to encourage and guide toward that...in this forum. I don't know if this can be recovered or not, but I hope it can.

You are doing everything you can as I see it. If not, our MB friends will help to re-direct. Trust the folks here as this is not a random fly-by-night site.

Oh, I definitely trust the folks here! Everything they've guided me through has been spot on. Even my sister commented how spot on things have been.

I will keep an open heart, but I feel he will continue to do what he has been doing....running from the embarrassment of what he did. It wasn't just me that he left, but everyone and everything at our business too. I feel that will prevent him from coming back. But, like I said, I have a lot of soul searching and healing to do, and if he did make the attempt, I would open the door to him, be open minded, and hear what he has to say.

Good, and one last for the night...we call it Gaslighting. Google that if you don't know the term (may have been referenced pages ago). Be sure that your not being gaslighted, but more importantly for where you are right now? Be sure to not gaslight yourself and your own story. Harsh, but you need to own your part.

Stay focused.