I understand that it will have been a life-long boy's dream, but is it compatible with life as the father of a family?

This is probably not a marriage-friendly career anyway, then.

It is a lot of work with little financial payoff. The payoff is his passion about it. He tried getting into sales, when we were first married. He was actually very successful, made a lot of money and a good name for himself. BUT he was miserable, he hated it. I encouraged him to get back into coaching, even with the pay-cut because our marriage and his personal well being was suffering.

You are right it is not marriage friendly. The way I see it is I have to make the best out of it. He is not very happy when he is not coaching and therefor we weren't happy either. I knew he was a coach and likely would be for the rest of his life, so how would that be fair to expect something different after marriage?

You're right and that particular coach had a terrible marriage. He made it well known that he disliked his wife, to be honest no one blamed him. She was down right rude to everyone...including him. This made it even more difficult because I don't think he understood why some of the coaches had a problem being away from their families.

The coach he is under now is not married, divorced with grown children, but does seem to be more understanding about family than the previous was. That is one reason we wanted to change jobs/ locations when we did.

What if the best of it is a failed marriage? What if that's the absolute best that can made of this?

I understand that y'all are saying a marriage is more important than a job. I just know the job is going to change, at-least not now anyway. And I am not willing to ruin a family and call it quits over a job.

Now, the pain he causes me is another story, if that did not get better it could cost the marriage. I have hope that he can change that, he is already starting to make progress, and I do still love him, and I think he feels the same about me. We just have not been productive about showing that and somewhere along the way we started on a downward spiral.

It takes two, though JBKT. If he won't spend that time with you, it will ruin the marriage and family.

But without the 15 hours of UA, there will not be enough love units deposited to fill your love bank. Even if he stopped all of his love busters (which he should) that will not fill your love bank. It will only stop units from being withdrawn.

You need not to have sacrificial cows....all things need to be considered to get your 15-20 hours....jobs, house size and payments, children activities, time with family and friends...

The ua time make you both fall in love and make good will easier.

Marriage Builders will not work for you if the job is more important than the marriage.

You do not have to follow the plan. No one can force you. But don't expect things to get better. Marriage Builders does not have the option of "make the best of it."

That "somewhere" was when everything else mattered more.

Think back to that rude ex-coach's wife. Their marriage was failing, and he was out with you guys/coaching events. You understand that is your future, right? You understand that you can't put this on the backburner forever?

You guys are unwilling to make the overhauls required for romantic love. That much is clear. You want the results, but without making a stand. Your sacrifices WILL catch up.

I have been reading your thread from the beginning, and read your old thread too. What stands out like a sore thumb is just how much time you spend trying to convince everyone here how your situation is different, more difficult, and we just don't understand why something that works for so many other people can not work for you.

I know more than I ever wanted to know about football in Texas! As you have worked hard to educate the masses on why this profession is an anomaly that needs a different kind of respect.

You are missing the point entirely. We all have our obstacles, be they professions and careers, passions and hobbies, kids and finances, to overcome to put our marriages first. You are not unique in that. Rather than continue to post about why this will NOT work for you, why not spend your time brainstorming how it WILL work.

So your husband hated sales but loves coaching football. These are not the ONLY options in life are they? If neither compliment your marriage, what other options are there?

Could he coach a younger team that has a less demanding schedule? Could you move to another state where the sport is less competitive and demanding? Could he do sales in the football industry or for a sporting goods business, where he could combine his passion and talent? Could he be a private coach, recruiter, etc? Off the top of my head....

This is what you should be doing (together), thinking of ways to either 1) make his career compliment your marriage or 2) find one that does.

If your reply is that he is unwilling to make any change, well that is a different problem entirely. Then you are talking about a husband who plans to continue to put his career before his family, and make independent choices regardless of what you think.

That has nothing to do with his job, and everything to do with his willingness to have a marriage of extraordinary care.

Sooo, after accounting for ALL of the time invested in this coaching career, others have calculated that the per hour income comes out to about $1.00 per hour???

There have GOT to be other options.

Think, Think, Think.....

LTL

Just let him know it will take 15 hours for this program to work. Schedule 4 - 4 hour dates out of the house each week. I would keep that on the front burner until he agrees and you have a plan.

If you and your husband REFUSE to implement the POUA, this program won't work. That is your choice, but you are wasting our valuable time if you won't do the program.

Yes you are willing to ruin a family. You are sacrificing your marriage and family over a little job. The status quo will ruin your marriage. Anything that comes before your marriage will eventually come between you. That is what is happening now.

JB, eliminate any notion of a date "night." Date nightS is what it will take. ONE date NIGHT will not work.



One hour blocks are not effective. It needs to be in 2 to 4 hour blocks to be effective. Its not like you and your husband don't have that time every week. YOU DO. You just refuse to do this step. And that is ok, just know the program won't ever work unless you actually do it. Pencil whipping this step is a waste of your time and ours.

When Dr. Harley took on marital couples in his office, I have heard that that he would initially ask/request the couple if they were willing to commit to making the 15 hours of UA time available each week.

It was so instrumental in the overall success of his marital recovery plan, that he would refuse to take them on as clients if they would not agree.

That right there, regardless of the forum members comments advises you mare accurately how Vital that aspect is to a successful marriage.

Recalling your synopsis about the former head coach and the description of his nagging and rude wife..... Do you really think that couple started out that way?

What happened to them is one result of that husbands higher commitment to his coaching career versus his marriage.

Is that the path that you And you husband would like to follow?

Think about that very carefully. Where are you headed with the current status quo?

LTL

No, I work 80 hours per week and still get at least 15hours with my husband. But you must schedule it! Or it never happens.

Also, it isn't football season now, so y'all should be getting a ton of UA and FC time in.

Do y'all watch TV? Because something is eating up time.