I think I may just be paranoid but I just had to post to see what everyone else thought. Last night I had a bad dream and it seemed to really affect me all day today.<P>This dream started with my H and I making love. It was great just to be near him. After we were done, my H got up to have a cigratte and get a drink of water because it was really hot in our apartment. After he was finished he crawled back into bed. I decided to get up and take a shower. I got up and walked into the bathroom. I closed the door and started to use the bathroom. There was a light knock at the door and I just thought it was my sisterinlaw who lives at the other end of the hall. I jumped in the shower and my H got the door. It wasn't my sisterinlaw but another woman at the door. They went into the bedroom and had sex. It wasn't long drawn out but a "quickie." I got out of the shower and was drying off when I heard the OW voice. I realized that it wasn't my sisterinlaw, but someone else. I walked out of the bathroom and say the OW leaving and my H was not wearing the sweats that he was wearing when he got into bed after his water/cigarette break earlier. I asked him what had happened and he told me that he had just had sex with another woman to "teach me a lesson". He wanted me to feel the pain that he had felt when I had the affair. I was horrified that he would do something like that with me in the apartment. <P>That was when the alarm went off. I couldn't get the dream off my mind all day. When I got to work, I work in the emergency room at the hospital in town, there was a man in one of the rooms who was brought by ambulance. One of the other secrataries called up to the front desk and asked if I could get a Catholic Priest, which I did. We ended up with two different priests and after it was all over I got yelled at for calling to get the priest by the guys nurse. Around 2pm mtn time we got a 3month old by ambulance who was pretty much dead when she got to the ER and mom was hysterical, understandable I know. Around 4:30 or so we got a drug overdose from the local jail. The guy got ahold of some cleaner and had it under his bunk. This guy was flown to another hospital in Denver. All in all we had some pretty emotional people in the ER today so this didn't help at all. <P>Am I just paranoid with this dream or is it all in my mind? I know my H wouldn't have an affair just to teach me a lesson. What good would it do, I know. I think I'm just paranoid, right?

Probably.<P>My H used to say he wanted to do it to teach me a lesson, even though he had several emotional/slight physical affairs early in our marriage. He never did "it" so he wanted to find out, and to punish me. So I understand where you're coming from.<P>Maybe you're feeling one of your guilty patches, like we all do at times (some more than others, and some of us every ding dong day, like me).<P>Either way, it was a dream only. Did you tell your H about it? <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Believe you me I have had nightmares for a year now. They don't come true. Only drive you nuts! Stop beating on yourself. If he would do that to you, then he's worse than you are for having an affair. Forgiveness is vital to your recovery, including forgiving yourself.<BR>Take Care<BR><P>------------------<BR>Mater<P>

Yes I did tell my H about it. I was about in tears early because of it. He was the one who asked what good would it do for him to have an affair. He said he couldn't put that much pain on anyone so I'm grateful for that. I think I am getting a little better at opening up. Usually I would have bottled the dream inside and not said a word about it. Pretend like everything was okay. Not this time

Hi Hopeful -<P>No, not paranoid!!! Just a normal little guilt feeling coming out in your dream.....it's OK!! Gotta expect things like this both while dreaming and awake from time to time for awhile.<P>I am VERY GLAD that you did not bottle this up and instead shared it!!! Not only with H but with us, too!!! YAY!!!<P>See, the progress you are making already? Fantastic!!!!<P>I am so sorry for the day you had at work....I could never do that kind of work because they would have to carry me away - I would be way to emotionally involved. God bless you!!<P>You are a very strong woman!!!<P>Glad to hear that you are feeling better physically though!!!<P>HUGS,<P>Sheba

Ok, just because we have an awful lot of new people who don't know the story of my W and I, I felt it necessary to jump into my W's thread. I hope all the old-timers who know us will forgive my defensivness.<P>There have been many threads in the past where someone has asked the question would you have an affair to get even with you spouse? My answer has always been the same . . . Yes there was a time, immediately after discovery when the thought went through my mind. It lasted all of about 30 seconds.<P>First, I would never wish the pain I have felt on anyone, not even my worst enemy, and especially not on the woman I love. (That's you hopeful )<P>Second, What good would it possibly do me to try something as thoughtless as this? It has taken a tremndous amount of work on both of our parts to be able to get our relationship back together and progessing very well.<P>Finally, my W has already, and in many ways still continues to beat herself up much more than I ever would over her infidelity. I already caused her more pain than I ever wanted by failing to meet her needs in the first place.<P>She deserves a lot better than that.<P>OK . . . Time to get off my soap box.<P>I Love you hopeful1771.

Since finding out about my H affair I have thought of returning the favor many times. I actually think that if the opportunity arose I would. I fell such pain from what H did I can hardley stand in on most days. He is fighting for me in every way, but it still does not take the pain away in the least. And for him to have an Idea of my pain would make me happy. SO I think. It is a very hard thing to deal with and what I would really do I don't know.

JJM,<BR>Look, as someone who actually did just that, even if it was 12 years later, it only causes more pain and more heartache.<P>My life is a mess because of it and I have watched my beautiful H turn into a skinny, nervous, sick man.<P>That's what revenge does... even if I didn't realize at the time that I was thinking that he'd now understand what I felt all those years. That old adage is still true, "two wrongs don't make a right".<P><B>Hopeful</B>, <BR>a dream is just that. A dream. They rarely mean what they seem to at first glance. <P>You're doing great!<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited November 08, 1999).]

JJM -- If there is one thing that I do know, it is that revenge never accomplishes anything.<P>God Bless

Hopeful - not paranoid, I don't think, just beating yourself up a little. <P>You haven't felt well. Our emotions always run a little high when our bodies are conking out on us!!<P>I'm so glad you guys talked about it. I know it was good to be able to share it.<P>Take care of yourself, and keep taking care of each other.<P>Lori