Thank you! This is exactly what I was looking for! It makes perfect sense to me.

And yes you are going great, Ginger. Hang in there!

Why would you want them to stop? It is a good thing they are 2x4ing him on your behalf if that is happening. You want moral people to speak up.

They are not pushing him to OW either. That is flawed thinking. WH chooses to be where he is.

x2 Ginger. The reason for exposure was to garner support for you, and apply pressure to the affairees. Sounds like both have been accomplished. That is a GOOD thing not a bad one.

Losing his employees respect is his own doing because he chose to have an A, neglect the restaurant and them, and basically put their livelihoods at risk for his little hussy. Of course they don't respect him, they have every right not to! That has nothing to do with you.

And BR is right, it is not pushing him toward her. You have no idea what is going on in affair land right now. It is very likely she is thinking twice about leeching on to a sugar daddy who is about to lose half of everything and his entire livelihood, while also having a community with no respect for him. Not exactly what she was hoping for from the sounds of it. I am guessing it is starting to implode. Not that that should change your plan in any way shape or form....soon you will be too busy painting your toenails in Plan B to give a hoot about their problems.

See.....this is why I love this place! Not only are we kicking his as* into shape......but you are getting my act together too! I see exactly what you are saying now about the staff. I will tell them to carry on! LOL!

I know one of the girls quit last night, and told him she just didn't approve of his life choices right now. She was a huge part of the staff, she will be greatly missed! She's taken this so hard, I feel dearly for her, she's such a kind person, and H let his POSOW harass her to the point she felt her only option was to quit.

unwritten.......I've been told over and over that as soon as she realizes he has no money, she'll be gone, and right now, he has no money! He's already bouncing checks, and will have to make those funds up as he goes. That's why he was on my doorstep! He realizes what that will do.

My Dearest XXXXX,

I apologize to you for my part in creating an environment that helped make your affair possible. I foolishly pursued my goals without understanding my responsibility to meet your most important emotional needs. I was not there for you when you needed me the most, and we are now both suffering for my mistake. I know that I was relying on you way to much for my own happiness, and that I could be way to negative, and controlling, expecting you to do to many things for me. As I have also admitted before, I do now see how unbelievably out of line I was trying to controll your smoking as well, along with how not having a job to help support things effected us too.

I am willing to avoid the mistakes I've made in the past and create a new life for both of us that will meet your needs. But I cannot do that until you end your relationship once and for all. Living under these conditions has been the most painful experience of my life, and I can no longer endure it.

Until your affair ends, and you are willing to follow a plan of reconciliation with me, I will avoid seeing you or talking to you.

I ask that you respect my decision to separate from you this way. You must know about the suffering I have endured because of your relationship, and I simply cannot be with you any longer knowing that you are together with her. I still love you, but I cannot see you under these conditions.

As soon as you are willing to permanently end your relationship, follow precautions to avoid absolutely any contact with the other person, and join me in a plan to restore our
relationship, I will be willing to discuss our future together with you.

I hope that we will be able to rebuild our marriage some day. I want us to be able to meet each other's emotional needs and to avoid doing anything to hurt each other. We can build a new lifestyle together in which everything we do makes us both happy. Then there will never be a reason for us to be separated. I want to be your best friend, someone who is always there for you when you need me. And I want you to be my best friend.

I cared very much for you when we married and I continue to care for you right up to this day. But I cannot be with you or help you as long as you are in this relationship.

With all my love,

POSOW copy. Should that bottom sentence to her be handwritten?

My Dearest XXXXX,

I apologize to you for my part in creating an environment that helped make your affair possible. I foolishly pursued my goals without understanding my responsibility to meet your most important emotional needs. I was not there for you when you needed me the most, and we are now both suffering for my mistake. I know that I was relying on you way to much for my own happiness, and that I could be way to negative, and controlling, expecting you to do to many things for me. As I have also admitted before, I do now see how unbelievably out of line I was trying to controll your smoking as well, along with how not having a job to help support things effected us too.

I am willing to avoid the mistakes I've made in the past and create a new life for both of us that will meet your needs. But I cannot do that until you end your relationship once and for all. Living under these conditions has been the most painful experience of my life, and I can no longer endure it.

Until your affair ends, and you are willing to follow a plan of reconciliation with me, I will avoid seeing you or talking to you.

I ask that you respect my decision to separate from you this way. You must know about the suffering I have endured because of your relationship, and I simply cannot be with you any longer knowing that you are together with her. I still love you, but I cannot see you under these conditions.

As soon as you are willing to permanently end your relationship, follow precautions to avoid absolutely any contact with the other person, and join me in a plan to restore our
relationship, I will be willing to discuss our future together with you.

I hope that we will be able to rebuild our marriage some day. I want us to be able to meet each other's emotional needs and to avoid doing anything to hurt each other. We can build a new lifestyle together in which everything we do makes us both happy. Then there will never be a reason for us to be separated. I want to be your best friend, someone who is always there for you when you need me. And I want you to be my best friend.

I cared very much for you when we married and I continue to care for you right up to this day. But I cannot be with you or help you as long as you are in this relationship.

With all my love,


I love XXXXX with all my heart, and am willing to do whatever it takes to make him happy. I will wait for that chance.

Don't use the word 'relationship' when referring to his affair. It minimalizes and makes it seem legit. Use affair.

x2

You might feel pity for him but don't. Where he's at right now pressure works better than mercy. Don't soften the blow for him, I think it's awesome you have such strong allies at the restaurant.

Ironically, you asking them to back off might only be inciting more 2x4s. The more you look like you still care about him the worse it makes him look for doing this.

In any case I wouldn't stand in their way!

Don't focus on silly thing that you think you did wrong. Under the POJA he is not allowed to smoke if you are not happy about it. You were probably more of a doormat and he more of an abuser. Stop blaming yourself and allocate blame where it belongs, while still improving yourself.

Fantastic! That's the whole point of exposure!

YOU don't lovebust him - but encourage everyone else to.


It's a very good letter.

The only teeny-weeny improvement I can suggest is putting in a one liner 'remember when?' Some romantic memory or compliment he gave you.

I put it as the intro so the letter couldnt be googled.

It's also a nice little message to send OW, that.

I spoke with my friend, and gave her my permission to pressure away! I know she's been chomping at the bit to have at him. He won't fire her, he needs her after losing the others.

I will make the changes to the letter. I had just used the plan b sample letter, and that's where the word relationship came in.

Do I send a copy to. POSOW?

I would add the first sentence of the first paragraph to the second paragraph and chuck the rest of the first paragraph. Don't say anything about you not having a job...that is something he would try to make a federal case out in court and you don't want a judge thinking you are some lazy mooch of a wife. I would not say anything like that.

I am also not a fan of a Plan B letter to an OW especially one like your OW that is an alcoholic, abusive whack job. I wouldn't my waste time. If anything I think she will just use the letter to mock you.

Ok, here's the revision. In the last sentence, I did take out the part that said "when we were married", because I don't know if he will get this before or after he is served, and I don't want him clued in.

I'm happy not to give one to the POSOW! I shuddered at that thought to begin with.


My Dearest XXXX,

Remember when you used to tell me what a pretty smile I had, and how beautiful my eyes were, it would literally fill my heart with happiness every time you would say those things to me.

I apologize to you for my part in creating an environment that helped make your affair possible. I am willing to avoid the mistakes I've made in the past, and create a new life for both of us that will meet our needs. But I cannot do that until you end your affair once and for all. Living under these conditions has been the most painful experience of my life, and I can no longer endure it.

Until your affair ends, and you are willing to follow a plan of reconciliation with me, I will avoid seeing you or talking to you.

I ask that you respect my decision to separate from you this way. You must know about the suffering I have endured because of your affair, and I simply cannot be with you any longer knowing that you are together with her. I still love you, but I cannot see you under these conditions.

As soon as you are willing to permanently end your affair, follow precautions to avoid
absolutely any contact with the other person, and join me in a plan to restore our
relationship, I will be willing to discuss our future together with you.

I hope that we will be able to rebuild our marriage some day. I want us to be able to meet each other's emotional needs and to avoid doing anything to hurt each other. We can build a new lifestyle together in which everything we do makes us both happy. Then there will never be a reason for us to be separated. I want to be your best friend, someone who is always there for you when you need me. And I want you to be my best friend.

I cared deeply for you, and I continue to care for you right up to this day. But I cannot be with you, or help you as long as you are in this affair.

With all my love,

Now, do I send the IM info with this letter? Do I include it in the same envelope as the Plan B letter, or in a second envelope.

Do you have SAA? Dr. Harley recommends sending a copy to the OW also.

Have you read how to Plan B correctly thread an the Plan B Letter Samples in the thread?

Here How to Plan B Correctly