Actually, I said (right after your original question nearly two weeks ago) that DH had taken her off his FB. He did that the same day he sent the NC letter.
I, too, took her off last week and her husband, while ON FB, has never actually used it. If he should suddenly start to do so, we'll probably have to remove him, too.

Nor have I said we won't be changing our phone.
I didn't actually say anything one way or the other, just that thus far we've already blocked her number and will probably be blocking his.
So far as email, there's no reason she'll ever know that her emails (if she sends any) disappear into nothingness. I simply don't see the point in changing it if blocking is already serving the purpose...

I give up. Good luck to you in your R.

Pardon me? You (re)asked a question that I answered nearly two weeks ago (the first time you asked) and then followed it up with an erroneous assumption.

And we ARE adopting EPs. Starting with blocking numbers and emails.
So far, that seems to be working quite well. I genuinely do not see why we should do something else when this is already working...

Further I read your link and pulled this out from the OP:
I would fully agree.



I really do not understand what heinous thing I did to deserve your rudeness...

But you are not giving him the full facts. The biggest factor - the one factor that defines this relationship as an affair [that your H is "in love" with the OW] is being WITHHELD from the OWH, giving him a FALSE IMPRESSION about the relationship. You are purposely leaving him with a FALSE impression.

If you withhold the fact that your H "loves" the OW, then he doesn't have the proper understanding of the affair. Heck, he doesn't even believe it is an affair!

You can't expect him to have the correct perspective when you WITHHOLD key facts. And I find it more than a little disturbing that are allowing your husband - the WAYWARD - to make the determination to withhold this vital information from his VICTIM. That is a little too convenient in that it leaves the back door open for your WAYWARD husband to resume contact with the OWH's blessing in the future.

You are making a strategic mistake, PM, and don't seem to understand the wayward mindset of your husband. He doesn't want the OWH to know so he doesn't burn that bridge back to his OW.

It is easy for even a halfwit WS to explain away multiple phone calls and emails. Easy, easy, easy. We were "just friends" blah, blah, blah.... That is pretty much the rule rather than the exception.

So leaving out the KEY FACTOR that defines this as an emotional affair and demonstrates the gravity of the DANGER your husband presents to this man's marriage is irresponsble and MEAN. Why would you toy with someone like that?

To protect your WH? The only rational reason I can fathom is that your wayward husband is protecting the path back. If the OWH KNEW your husband is in love with his wife, he might recognize the danger your H presents and take appropriate steps to protect himself and his children.

You were told numerous times in the first thread that you needed to CHANGE the numbers and emails. Since that time, OW emailed your H again. OWH is still contacting you two. You are still getting hassled to attend a party at OW's house. All of this is counterproductive and hurts your R.

Blocking specific email addresses or phone numbers is putting a bandaid on the problem...easily circumvented. Also (again mentioned in the first thread) just knowing that at any second he can receive another email from OW at any time WILL probably keep your WH triggered.

"Removing" a friend from FB is not the same as "blocking". "Removing" doesn't prevent OW and OWH's news, pictures, etc from showing up in your and your H's newsfeed. Again, this will all trigger your H (and you) and cause you two setbacks in R. BTW, FB email/chat is another way your H and OW(using her H's acct) could end up talking to each other again. Another reason FB is regarded here as a terrible idea for waywards.

BTW, you were told by ML in the first thread to tell OWH yourself about the A which you ignored. Can you see now how that might have been a mistake? I would take her advice this time, I agree OWH needs to be told that your H loved his W. I didn't realize he hadn't been told that. Can't think of one good reason NOT to tell him...except for that your still-foggy WH wouldn't want you to.

No Contact. For Life. That includes the BH. That's MB. Are you following it?

I don't think you're following the time-line, here.
Friday evening we were "told" to change numbers and emails. As stated, we weren't even home until Monday evening. There's a reason an email sent Sat. AM wasn't found until Tuesday AM.
Email was immediately blocked (a week ago).

Nothing since.

Not unless the blocked party is aware of it.

Fortunately, that is NOT the case.

And yet, that is exactly what happened.
She was removed from both our lists. She no longer shows up.

Legitimate point.

No, instead I asked DH to tell him.
Which he did. I guess I had this idea that that would carry far more weight than anything I might say.






Ya know, I think I'm going to have to quit posting here.

It seems we haven't done ANYTHING right, and frankly, I'm getting tired of being in a stressful situation and told what a moron I am.

This board claims to provide "support, answers and encouragement." I gotta say, I've seen very little in the way of support or encouragement. To the couple of people who've managed to be both kind AND shove me in (what I foolishly thought was) the right direction, thank-you, I appreciate it.

I think we'll just go back to reading articles until our book shows up.

I'm mostly a lurker here, but what I see, over and over, are new BS's posting here every day. They are always happy to take the initial advice, then when they calm down a little bit, they go off and do their own modified MB plan, while calling it Marriage Builders.

Doing things your own way doesn't work. Read some of the longer threads here, and you will see again and again the sentence 'I should have listened'. These posters know what they are talking about, and have been there and done that. No one here is calling you a moron, they just know what will come next for you, and they're trying to help you avoid more pain.

Leave if you must, but it's your loss.

The title of your thread indicates that the problem is that the OWH doesn't understand the concept of EA. MelodyLane gave you a MarriageBuilders solution to that.

I guess you're pretty sure you know better.

my husband supposedly ended an emotional affair with a dear friend of mine, 5 years ago. (The time I created my signature here) It was very painful, but I thought it was a valuable experience that was good in a weird sort of way.

Well, apparently not only did it not end, it went physical and he's cheated with other women too.

I am so numb. Our kids are 13 and 15 and are devastated. They thought they had a pretty happy home until last night when Dad walked out on us.
I told him I was done. I can't do this anymore.

But we have two kids... i dont want to give up unless there really is no hope.
Be brutal. What are odds of surviving this?

Are you willing to follow the plan in full? More than most?

There's no room for corner cutting with ny type of affair but with a serial cheat you'd need to be overseeing him and his communications 24/7. He'd have to willingly agree .

you'd have to work together or working from home.

I highly doubt he cares enough to try, quite honestly. And I dont have any idea what we could do, employment-wise to work together.

Side question: is exposure worth it if you're not trying to save the marriage?

Having just read your old thread PM, you are going to need to be a thousand pc more on your on your game this time.

- Don't dismiss advice from veterans who have seen dozens of false recovories and can't spot them a mile away.
- For heaven's sake CHANGE contact details - allowing OW to know your Hs email and number is like putting a welcome mat out for her. Of course she was going to persist and try to get through.
- Expose to OWH properly and to everyone else and ensure your H has no say re exposures.
- Delete FB entirely and all social media. Additionally your H has no access to the internet unsupervised any more.
- Get spyware all over this.
- Arrange a polygraph to uncover the scale of his secrets second life.

Keep in mind, that was 5 years ago. All of that had been done.

But the burner phone he bought in the last year or so. How do you keep track of that?

Yes it is still worth bringing him to remorse as your children's father. Unless you want a string of OW stepmothers. You also need the support and to run off these women. Not to mention your duty to tell their husbands.

You need it for your own recovery and you will probably need to protect yourself with aPlan B or no contact if he remains in this lifestyle.

I'm so very sorry for your pain.

He was clearly keeping communication possible, and keeping her husband off scent while he figured out what to do next - like buy a burner phone.

He had some way to contact her about the burner phone idea.

So he slowly changed his contact details over five years? That's a huge red flag that he was setting up new accounts.

The way it's done is to change everything before you send the NC letter.

No, it was sudden, but he kept HER contact info

This is awful, I am so sorry. But you should have changed them not him. Never let the wayward drive the recovery bus because it will be driven by their addiction.

By not changing his details he remained triggered and was waiting for her to try and contact him. It sounds like he got fed up, changed his own details and took charge by turning it into an opportunity to gaslight you and contact her.

I went NC with my WXH and right up until I changed the numbers I was waiting for him to take the initiative to get around the block. It keeps the love bank triggered.

I don't blame you one bit for being done. Having to anticipate and oversee every potential for contact is not fun and you are perfectly within your rights to divorce.