My husbands affair has only being going on for two months. It has been one month since he has told me about it and I have tried to be patient but he absolutely refuses to say good-bye to the OW. He can see that it is tearing me apart and the hurt just seems to be getting worse. I have told him that I don't expect the feelings to go away but I can't start working on us fully until she is out of the picture, I am just so affraid of being hurt by him again. He says that he needs to feel some kind of closure before he can say good-bye and I tell him that there will be no closure until he says good bye. I have told him now that I want him to go(plan B) until he has said good-bye but now I am wondering if I rushed it. Should I have given it more time? Will he ever say good-bye? Have I just ended my marriage(something I don't want to do at all)? Please help. Any advice from either side would help.<P>------------------<BR>NICOLE<BR><p>[This message has been edited by untallnikba (edited November 09, 1999).]

As the rest of the board would say, keep trying until you can't try any more. I was only able to keep on Plan A for four months because it was causing me physical/emotional/financial problems, but you are a different person. Your marriage is worth trying to keep. Your H will switch back and forth between breaking up with the OW and running after her. Its a horrible waiting game, but the end results are worth it. At least so I've been told. I'll be thinking of you.<P>

Thank-you for your words of encouragement. I sometimes feel lost in my emotions and I know that they take over. I am just so tired of hurting. Especially when he says that he knows he is causing it but won't stop the behavior that is doing it.<P>------------------<BR>NICOLE<BR>

untallnikba,<BR> I would say if you want to save your marriage, DON'T ask him to leave. I did and BELIEVE me it's VERY hard to get them to come back. You will find it VERY hard to fill his "Love Bank" (I assume you've read this site) if you PUSH him into the arms of OW. 97% of affairs die a natural death. I wonder how many that are "Pushed together"<P> I would ask him to go to counseling RIGHT NOW!!! My advice, too early, MUCH to early for plan "B". Keep him home even if you have to nail his shoes to the floor!!!!! It won't be easy, and it won't be quick. You'll have to put a lot of yourself aside, for now. In the end. You will have a BETTER marriage. <P> As much as it hurts (A LOT!!!!) Ask him WHICH needs the OW fills. They may be VERY easy for you to fill. Find out YOUR part in this. It (believe it or not) has something to do with you. <BR> Stay loving but strong. AND PRAY LIKE you've NEVER prayed!!<BR> Good luck & Prayers Frank<P>------------------<BR>desperate<BR>"If yesterday didn't stop today, Why should TODAY stop tomorrow??" <BR>"Wisdom is why!!"<P>

If this is taking a toll on you, then please go to Plan B. As I have said before, it seems people are sitting around, wallowing in their own despair, being clingy and needy and waiting for the spouse to end things and recommit. We are adults and should start acting like them. Stop letting these spouses, commit adultery and give them license to do it. Where is our sense of morality. Apparently we don't have any if it means keeping our marriage together. Do you want to be married to someone who could/would cheat on you? I don't think so!<P>------------------<BR>Rachel :)<P>