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My husband and I seperated last year for two months, because we were young and stressed about money and my husband just ran from it. It was one of the hardest things I hav ever been through. He didn't cheat on me while were seperated but he talked to women and looked at pornography. We got back together and I know he loves me but it's hard to deal with all that and I have a hard time understanding why he did it.
Last edited by Ariel; 06/14/15 03:39 PM.
Roxy Dabbs
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Welcome Roxy, why don't you start your own thread?
Last edited by Ariel; 06/14/15 03:40 PM.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Hi Roxydabbs, please tell your story here on your own thread.
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Have you ever heard of an emotional affair? "Talking" to other women IS an emotional affair..
BW-27
FWH-31
DS-6
Married several years
D-Day- 11/22/13
Plan A+Exposure
NC+Beginning of Recovery-04/2014
In Recovery and happier and more in love than ever
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My husband and I seperated last year for two months, because we were young and stressed about money and my husband just ran from it. It was one of the hardest things I hav ever been through. He didn't cheat on me while were seperated but he talked to women and looked at pornography. We got back together and I know he loves me but it's hard to deal with all that and I have a hard time understanding why he did it. Roxy, emotional and sexual bonding with other women ARE affairs. Plus, he neglected you at a crucial time. It makes no sense that a cash flow crisis would make him decide you need TWO roofs to keep up. The usual reason for a separation is to pursue affairs (confusingly they think they are not married and get a free pass if they go into another room or building!) and if he thinks it is OK while married he is probably still pursuing that. Do you have any spyware on him? Will he follow the program here for marital recovery after an affair?
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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My husband and I seperated for about two months a year ago. We are both young and just all the bills and stuff took a toll on my husband and he ran. We knew we lied each other but we just didn't know what to do. While he was gone he never actually met up with anyone but he talked to a few girls over text and I had caught him before looking up porn. How do I forgive and forget about that? I guess I just don't understand I could never talk or look at someone else. It's been almost a year since then but I'm so paranoid and self concious. I'm just scared I'm going to get hurt again. Help? Thanks in advance
Roxy Dabbs
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I haven't asked him. We were seperated and were going to get a divorce but we got bck together and been together a year since. There is just times whe n I worry and I don't know how to get over it.
Roxy Dabbs
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Even if he just talked to them an ask them how their day was it makes mad and i don't know why. When I caught him looking at porn it hurt. I always say he left one time he can do it again but we have to have trust in a marriage how do I begin to trust him?
Roxy Dabbs
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Nobody should trust behaviour like that. You don't have to trust untrustworthy behaviour. He stops or he goes.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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When I asked why did u talk to other women or look at that stuff he always says he don't know he is stupid
Roxy Dabbs
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He doesn't do any of that stuff anymore . He is a COMPLETLEY different man once we got back together. It's what happened in the past I can't forgive or forget
Roxy Dabbs
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Have you read Surviving An Affair?
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Or the articles about dealing with affairs on the site?
Last edited by apples123; 06/14/15 11:34 PM.
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Roxy - if it makes you feel any better, virtually all men look at p0rn at some point in their married lives. The issue is whether he is continuing to do so.
But if that happened while you were separated, its not the least bit unusual, IMO.
An emotional affair is a somewhat different issue.
Last edited by DBack; 06/14/15 11:53 PM.
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It is all wrong. Please do not normalize inappropriate behavior.
That is also unlikely to make her feel better.
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It is all bad because it creates a contrast effect. It puts Proxy at a disadvantage.
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I agree it's all bad. But she said that he has been a changed man for the past year. If true, then there are thousands of other marriages that have gone thru the same thing but are healthy now. So there is hope.
I don't agree with the cynics on TV who say that men can't change.
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Roxy - if it makes you feel any better, virtually all men look at p0rn at some point in their married lives. The issue is whether he is continuing to do so.
But if that happened while you were separated, its not the least bit unusual, IMO.
An emotional affair is a somewhat different issue. Porn use is a serious issue, regardless of how common it is, how long ago it was, whether they were separated or not. The average man might view it as a separate issue from an affair, but it is very common for a woman to see it as equivalent to an affair, and a reason for ending the marriage. There's no reason to try to minimize this or tell her how to think about it.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I agree it's all bad. But she said that he has been a changed man for the past year. If true, then there are thousands of other marriages that have gone thru the same thing but are healthy now. So there is hope.
I don't agree with the cynics on TV who say that men can't change. You are implying that she shouldn't feel the way she does. That is disrespectful.
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There is no doubt I want to be married to my husband. I was just trying to understand why when we seperated that he wanted to talk to other women and look that up. I have only caught him twice look up porn in the two years we have been married. I ask him why or what goes through his mind when he looks it up or what was going through his mind when he talked to those women and u always get I don't know I was just stupid they mean nothing that he just wanted some one to vent to while we were seperated but he knows it was wrong
Roxy Dabbs
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