Wow, Thank you for all the responses. i texted her right after you told me i was being "silly" She was quick to return and keep it going.

Last i seen her before i traveled away for work we spoke in person and i asked her why she wanted to give up all we have and have been working toward. why we cant make the family work and happy like we used to be.

The only thing she said while crying the whole time was" im still so attracted to you"

The kids are 16 boy, 14 d, 6 d
Yes the two oldest are not my biological but i have been with them all there lives and we have very close relationships. They are aware as they were ther when i confronted her on her stay at hotel after she dropped kids off and wanted to know why she needed to take lingerie. the kids told me that she dropped them off at friends and she got hotel. i lost it right then and confronted. told her she can put adultery on the divorce papers.
once i said what i said and realized the kids were there i felt bad and apologized to the kids and her and left.she called right away and cried and i tried so hard to let her know how much i loved her and how much it hurt and she just kept giving me more reasons of how i pushed her away.

Thanks for all your help!!!

Indiegirl, i just don't want to come across as needy or desperate. I think i did enough of that when this started. she fuggen broke me down! That has never happened to me ever before. i am always told how im a mans man, lol. i have never broke like that before. i was usually the typical [censored] guy "don't like me the way i am then leave." not saying i was always an a$$, her friends all say almost any women would love to be treated the way i treated her but they also say when i am an a$$ i am a big a$$ and i hurt her many times like that.

I am so scared i totally broke her heart and know she has no place in it for me and this is her just moving on.

The last couple years have been hard on us. we faced many challenges. My father was to build our dream home and he passed away as soon as we began. me and the wife and kids brought it to lock up stage, 5000 sq feet, on our own! yeah! we were dam proud. we hired a high end guy to finish because that's what will show and keep our money safe($1,000,000 dream home)and what happens? He gets deathly ill and we get stuck finishing home on our own again with our own hands again. we are very talented at this kind of stuff but our relationship stops cause all we do is work and work on the home.
we start fighting more and more. no date nights. we have always had a kick a@@ sex life and our friends always bug us about it. but i am getting more consumed by the house everyday. i just work, work, work and expect everyone to do the same. i start laying the grounds for a unhappy marriage.

No she has not brought him around as she knows how bad of a situation that would be with not only me, the kids,neighbors and friends. He would not live long.

Dear me.


It seems like every other post from newbie BSs on this forum seems to contain the phrase 'My WS says....'

This is ok (ish), except when followed by the fatal 'I do believe him/her'

The worst ones then follow up with a desire to 'trust'.

I therefore submit a golden rule.......

NEVER TAKE THE WORD OF A WAYWARD. IF THEY SAY THE SKY IS BLUE -LOOK UP TO CHECK. IT SOUNDS TRUE BUT IT IS PROBABLY RAINING.

Now everyone of us has been there, been gaslighted, been lied to very convincingly by people who we love and know to have honest and upstanding pasts. (oh yes, it's not just yours!)

That goes out of the window when they become addicts however.

A truly repentent wayward will jump through hoops to prove themselves with actions like an NC letter or a polygraph.

Words are just too inadequate and they know that.

Here is my top ten of things waywards lie about

1) It was an EA only
It was a PA, but if I tell you the truth that will have to stop and you will probably leave me.
2)It was a PA, but we only did it once/oral/kissing
I minimimize what I am ashamed of, though there is no logic in doing so.
3)It is your fault for not meeting my ENs
This makes me feel less guilty about my non existent boundaries with the opposite sex
4)Our marriage has been miserable for years
This makes me feel less guilty about my non existent boundaries with the opposite sex
5)I do not love you - I love the OP
I have betrayed my morals and everything I once believed in. I must love the OP - or else I am just stupid for risking so much. Actually I am just greedy and stupid. Dont tell anyone.
6)I want a divorce
But I will not bother filing. This is an idle threat to scare you into submission.
7) She/he is just a friend
That I value more than your discomfort with their presence.
8) I need privacy, that's all
So I can cheat on you
9) I dont need an NC letter because there is no contact
Please dont make me give up my cake
10)You are jealous/controlling/demanding
You are getting really warm and I dont like it.

Can I please invite others to share lies they were told/told themselves that were really convincing and why they should NOT be believed without proof?

Cheers.

one of her best friends said this about her.
"When you showed her love in the past, she always came back and showed you love in return. This time though, she is with pure evil and greed."

Scary thing to hear about someone you love so much. so many people have called me to say how she has changed and is not the girl they know.

The Infidelity Algebra is never wrong:

EA + Time + Opportunity = PA

So, were I to bet, I also would lay my money on WW and POSOM doing the nasty, in some form or another.

And, btw, she probably has acquired an "affair-phone". Find it, but don't let her know you found it. The reasons are in recipe below.

Here is your game plan. Most betrayed husbands haven't the courage to follow it fully,
to their own discomfiture. Those that do have remarkably better results than the rest.

NEVERGUESSED'S BETRAYED HUSBAND SURVIVAL KIT

1- KEEP ALL THESE ARRANGEMENTS SECRET FROM YOUR WAYWARD WIFE!
2 � Put a keylogger on any computer you can access that she might use.
3 � Put a spy program on any cell that she might use. ("Eblaster" can cover #4 as well.)
4 � Put a GPS on her car, reporting to your computer.
5 � Put a VAR in her car, and in any room she might use to take "personal" calls
6 � Get a mini-audio-recorder, and have it in your possession and "on" whenever in her presence.
7 � Put together an e-address list of anyone who might have influence on her � parents, siblings (sisters, especially), coworkers, college friends, clergy, hairdresser, anyone.
8 � Put together a similar list for the POSOM.
WHEN YOU HAVE SUFFICIENT EVIDENCE,
9 � Put together the electronic evidence for each AP.
10 - Write a cover note for your wife's contacts, to the tune of: "I must unhappily inform you that my wife, XXXXXX, is carrying on an illicit affair with YYYYYY. I am hoping to recover our marriage, and ask if you have any influence over her, to urge her to abandon her cheating lifestyle and return to me and our family. Her cell number is 111-222-3333"
11 � Write a similar note to POSOM's contacts.
12 � Send out both packages, to all contacts at one time.
13 � Brace yourself.

I think this deserves its own thread since it seems to be a fairly common problem for MEN. About once a month a newcomer will show up here who has left his own home at the behest of a wayward wife in an active affair. She asks him to leave so she can have space"� and "think about the marriage."� The poor devastated soul usually believes that appeasing her will save his marriage. It is the EXACT OPPOSITE. She is asking him to move out so she can carry on her affair without his interference.

Moving out only serves to ENABLE the affair at the expense of his own marriage and children's security. The WW is now free to carry on her affair from the safety and comfort of her own home. It is not uncommon for her to actually INVITE the OM into the home and introduce him to the children.

She often has fantasies of replacing the BS with the OM. Of course, the BS is still paying the mortgage so he is, in effect, not only enabling the affair but FINANCING it. Otherwise known as the ContributeToYourOwnDemise Program.

Some reasons why moving out is dangerous:

1. It enables the affair

2. It is viewed as abandonment by many courts - and yes it is abandonment!

3. Separation INCREASES the risk of divorce and impedes chances of recovery [you can't recover if you aren't there!]

4. Many men, on this very forum, have had to get COURT ORDERS just to get back into their own homes

5. Children are exposed to affair partner, which is morally confusing and increases the risk they will be sexually molested/abused/killed

6. It is DEVASTATING to children! Your children need you now more than ever. You are ALL THEY HAVE since their mother's brain has been abducted by aliens.

In short, moving out is always a huge mistake unless it is to effect Plan B.

I am always baffled about why men will do this, because a woman wouldn't sacrifice her own home and her children because her husband was in an affair and wanted some "space."� The only way I would leave is if my husband's pistol was BIGGER than mine! Even at that, I am a better shot than him, so that might not even do it. It might take a SWAT TEAM!

If your wayward wife asks you to move out so she can have "space,"� suggest she either go in the bathroom and shut the door or be a gentleman and clean out a corner in your garage for her. But, whatever you do, DON'T LEAVE YOUR HOME, GUYS!!

If you have fallen for this manipulation tactic and left your home, don't despair. The mistake is usually easily corrected by packing your bag and GOING HOME NOW. No warning, no nothing. Just get in the car and go home and move right back into your OWN BED. When you walk in simply say "HI HONEY, I AM HOME!!" and give her a smile and a peck on the cheek. If she objects tell her you live there and intend to stay. SMILE.

THIS ADVICE ALSO APPLIES TO FEMALE BETRAYED SPOUSES!