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I think choosing to leave would create a much worse situation for the kids. It may not be fabulous now, but it can get much worse. I have seen it happen multiple times with messy divorces. The kids never win... My kids really won when Prisca insisted that I leave until I had my angry outbursts eliminated. We ended up with a great marriage!!!!! 
Last edited by markos; 06/15/15 06:14 PM.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: Apr 2001
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I think choosing to leave would create a much worse situation for the kids. It may not be fabulous now, but it can get much worse. I have seen it happen multiple times with messy divorces. The kids never win... You are in a worse situation that will only get WORSE. We are trying to avoid that. Your plan leads to divorce. Ours have a much greater chance of preventing divorce. Read this: When to Call it Quits
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2001
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[
It is not legal for me to force him to leave. He is not the kind of person who would easily go or make a divorce simple. I don't want to put the kids through a battle... Your kids won't go through the divorce, YOU WILL. And that is exactly where you are headed right now. It most certainly is "legal" to invite him to leave. And if he won't leave, you can hire an attorney to make that 'legal."
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Mar 2010
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I think choosing to leave would create a much worse situation for the kids. It may not be fabulous now, but it can get much worse. I have seen it happen multiple times with messy divorces. The kids never win... My kids really won when Prisca insisted that I leave until I had my angry outbursts eliminated. We ended up with a great marriage!!!!! He never yells at them anymore. They never see me yelled at anymore. Our home is such a peaceful environment for them to grow up in....
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We have not been yelling. The arguments have been via text. I have been staying away from him as much as possible. I feel safe and I don't think the kids are being harmed by anything.
H has now said he will do the program, but only if I make concessions. I would need to agree that unless we both want to do every part of MB, we would not do all parts if one of us (he) didn't want to do it.
It feels very controlling again. He keeps telling me that it's my way or the highway bc I won't agree to his terms. I am really tired of being told everything has to be my way. I don't think it is unreasonable for me to have a say in the marriage...
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I don't think the kids are being harmed by anything. You are fooling yourself.
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Joined: Jan 2010
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I just saw your post to Dr. Harley, and his response. Looks like you got a great suggestion there as to how to give your husband hope. And it looks like you're already headed in the right direction: I had some very bad behavior this weekend, but I have decided to stop misbehaving. Good for you. This is the way forward. 
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I don't think the kids are being harmed by anything. You are fooling yourself. Fighting, whether it be by text or face to face, DOES affect your children. Your marriage is the foundation for their entire world, and it is crumbling. They sense it. They don't know why it's happening, but they can tell. It affects them. Staying in a bad marriage for the sake of the kids does nobody any good, especially the kids. If you or he will not stop fighting and will not follow the program, the best thing to do is separate FOR the kids.
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