How did you come to be their stepfather? How did your relationship with your wife start?

I met her at a restaurant. We went to the same school but she was a bit younger. she got pregnant young due to some low self esteem issues and married the guy. she had one more child with him and he didn't want to be married any more. he never fought for her. it hurt her something fierce and she ran to many men looking for attention to fill the hole in her. Then she met me. She pursued me. it took a bit of effort on her part because I new some of her old boy friends. there were to many but I finally agreed. it was great till I found out she had broke a few marriages up with her ways. she was very remorseful.

Was she still married when you met her?

Hi, Well she texted about some house stuff happening and a new baby of a friend of hers and I took the opportunity to make a few deposits. Please let me know what you think.

her

What are you thinking now adays?
What do you want to do?

me

The truth,
I want you to get out of what you are in and come back to putting our marriage and family back together and letting it be all it can be. Because you are worth it *name*

her

Ok. and what about the house?

me

The house should have been stopped when this started until this mess we made was fixed. it is something we built together. something we should be proud of. something that made us stronger.

Im sure what you have planned for the siding will be fine. you haven't picked anything ugly yet!

her

Its fine im sure. I know it will look good.

me

I wanted a new marriage *name*. With all the good from the old but none of the bad. One were we(me especially) realize how great we can make it.Not just a marriage but a great marriage.

her

I know you want everything to go back to the way they were but I think we waited to long to call it.

me

Im sure it will look fine.
No, not the way we were.
*name* im not ready to give up on you or the marriage or the family. I wont.

her

I know you think everything was fine, but it wasn't fine. im sorry. I really don't want to hurt you but I cant go back to that.

me

No it wasn't fine *name*
I don't want back to that. I don't.

Love is built. Trust is earned. Respect is made. We already fell in love once, its not hard to do again if you let it by spending time with each other and fill emotional needs for one another.

I know you are afraid but you don't need to be. It just takes work. You have someone her who truly loves you and realizes how much more there is in what marriage and family is. its something so special because of how special you are.

Its worth it *name*. It truly is. You are worth it.
How do I pretend not to be in love with the most beautiful person I have ever met, inside and out.

To bad *name*. Don't tell me to stop. Just smile.

her

Have a good night *name* .:)



Well I don't think she loves me any more, lol.

Was it to much?

Yes she was. it was a big thing for me. she pursued the divorce as soon as I made a deal out of it.

Her ex husband was a loser. he never supported her or the kids at all. he never fought for her at all and it took a big toll on her. it hurt her very much.

Yeah, all bad news.

This might be the first exit affair the Dr has seen, lol

She was honest and true and fought so hard for over 12 years for this. then I blew up her tank. she ran to someone else to help her heal.

A loser who probably didn't know his wife was involved with another man.

If all you know about the ex-husband is what your wife has told you, she's probably saying all of the same things about you to OM.

Your wife sounds like a mess. She is a serial cheater going by your description.

Yes I can understand you thinking that. No I met her first husband early. he really did not want to be married or have a job. I begged him to stay in the kids lives. he lived on the other side of the country with his parents.
Yes she could be due to her insecurities but she was true for a very long time to me. she was very in love with me until this. all she talked about was me to almost everyone. Till I hurt her to many times and the right guy was there I guess.

Most people know me. they would have a hard time believing her calling me a loser. we have built a very plush life. The other man is being told how I emotionally abused her and took her for granted im sure. there would even be some truth to that. she is getting all the attention she needs! including sex! she is a very beautiful women.
The fugggen creep! and my wifes friggen weak boundaries! ugggggghhhh

Wow, that wifedivorcing thread is absolutely amazing.

Your marriage to her began as an affair.

She has had other affairs while married, and now she is having one while married to you.

You knew that you were marrying a cheater. Why would you expect her to behave any differently now? And why was it okay for her to tell you the things she did about her husband then, but not for her to tell others the thing she is telling them about you, her husband now?

Yes I guess looking at it that way. her husband had left her. she was raising the kids on her own and doing a good job. she was hurt and looking for attention and was weak to attention from men. then I stepped into picture. after finding out some of this past she worked hard and did counseling to over come some of her weaknesses and hurts. She had a few hick ups at the start but was honest and faithful for more than 12 years. when we would fight I would bring up this past as it had hurt me and use it against her. it was a weakness and insecurity of mine. in the big fight we had when this started I had brought this up again and broke her down with my anger. I pushed her right back to where she had come from feeling alone and un wanted. I was an a$$. She fell weak to a coworkers sympathy and crossed the line. she started to get what she needed from him and it has been growing ever since.

Her husband left her when this started.

She did it with you, and now she is doing it to you.

I am not sure why you would have expected anything different.

Marriages that begin as affairs have a very low success rate.

This explains all the unconditional love and exit affair stuff you were spouting.


Why would her husband fight for a wife who had a boyfriend? Yes you CAN fight an A but you most certainly don't have to.

It's curious you say you 'begged him to stay in the kid's lives' but by the time you came along he should have been long gone history. Or a part of their lives without your say so. It's not really your business. You went to the same high school and were hard upon this guy's heels.

This was an affair which means your chances are now zero. Even if an affair turns into marriage it's only temporary. They all end. That doesn't make your pain any less.

It's fairly clear she had an online EA with you which involved the wayward script about her husband being a loser for attention.

Sorry, but you won't get support from exposure now. It will come out that you did the same. It's also not worth saving. You were just the shoulder to cry on and she has a new one just the same. This new A is temporary, just as you were.

No. She got married to him after getting pregnant. she tried to make a life with him. he was not ready and did not want to be married. he was and still is very irresponsible. he basically walked out of the marriage because he did not want the responsibility. I know this from him. his story is no different than hers. he left her not for her having an affair. he finally has begun to get in the kids lives now. she was not having an affair on him before he left. after 6 months or so she started getting used buy players and she kept falling for it cause she wanted attention. she is a very beautiful women. the guys all wanted to have fun but not raise someone elses kids. they would leave her after they got what they came for. that was very hard on her. that's the way it went down.

No, Dr. Harley has seen a lot of situations just like yours.

Thank you markos, can you please reread my post above and give your opinion. its not quite the way you think it happened. thank you

You don't seem to understand that the state of their marriage or reasons for it are none of your business. All that matters is you married a woman quite happy to go outside of wedlock whenever things are hairy.

You got involved with her while she was still married. Nobody in their right minds would get involved with a separated woman because separated people get back together. She was sad and grieving for her husband during a separation - the ideal situation for an AFFAIR. Of which you were one affair amongst many!

The playahs were well aware that there is no future in dating a separated woman. She will either go back to her husband or cheat on them like she is cheating n her husband during her separation. Most men know a separated, sad woman is only good for a bit of fun. I would never have dreamt of putting myself out there during my divorce or separation because it only attracts skeevos. One of the reasons I chose to date my boyfriend is because on his dating profile he told separated women not to bother. People who respect marriage won't do it.

Even if he was totally neglectful, he didn't deserve that during the separation period before a final legal decision was made. Nor do you. It may be time to face the fact she is just not a good bet.

You can email Dr H for his opinion too if you really think this is a special case. He is very kind.

mbradio@marriagebuilders.com

This is a sensible insecurity though. This is what she does.

You keep painting her as the victim here. her first husband was bad so she HAD to seek attention outside the marriage. You're such an awful husband that she HAD to seek attention outside the marriage.

This is a pattern with her. It's not like she slipped into an affair because she was vulnerable and someone started meeting her needs and it happened. THIS IS HER PATTERN.

Do you see how difficult it is to be married to someone where you know in the back of your mind if they're not totally happy, they will just seek attention elsewhere? She is not safe to be married to. Her whole idea of marriage is skewed. She is not committed to anything but herself and getting what she wants.

You need to stop making excuses for her ans start recognizing how damaging her behavior is for you and the kids. She is not some sad, neglected flower. She actively seeks men when things get difficult.

As for your text convo, some of what you texted sounds bossy to me. Telling her she needs to work with you on this is not going to seduce her (not sure you should try and get her back after these recent revelations but if you still want to...).

How about simple stuff like "I love you, darling. I will fight for us." Don't get preachy and don't bark orders. And most of all, get a hold of your feelings. You want to present a calm, strong, confident man to her.

She is not a victim. She's a player and she's playing you right now. Get back in the driver's seat. Look at her with more clarity. She is a danger to you and the kids and you're not seeing it.

Yes. I did this to her. all she wanted was to just be loved by me unconditionally. that is what she always asked for. it hurt her so bad that when we would argue that she would think I did not love her, and I was to stubborn to lower my pride and just show her. I broke her down to many times. I caused so much of this. she truly tried so hard till one day she broke.