You're going to need to decide if you want to save this marriage or not.

If you do, then you will need to put yourself fully into pursuing her regardless of how she makes you feel. Neglect will never win a woman over.

If you don't want to save it, then you should file for divorce.

Either option would be better than what the two of you have been doing.

PLEASE don't go there, Remark. I know that your Taker has all kinds of reasons.

Your wife has been trying to get your attention. But she goes about it in a negative way.

Did she agree to do the coaching?

Hi Didnt,

Yes, she did for one meeting. She wants to discuss my family. If that's a showstopper for us, it may be the hill we die on. So, I am looking into that today.

From where I sit, me and my family have apologized, restructured our relationships, limited our visits, etc. for eight years. And, she has off and on said she's not going to go see them travel to see them again, period. And she has made it known to me that they are not welcome here.

I do not know what I can to to make her feel secure short of eliminate them from my life.

And, BTW, my internet and everything was out yesterday/last night and then this AM as well. So, I do not have internet connectivity until tomorrow night when they come to resolve the issue. (I'm at work now.)

Thanks,
Remark

I would schedule with Steve Harley to POJA family.

Wait - you have done things about your family for eight years, but you haven't done the right things for eight years. It may have been a sacrifice for you, but it wasn't the right effort to make.


If my wife was unhappy about my family I would eliminate them from my life for as long as we are married, if that's what it took. You missed a great opportunity last week to build your marriage by being with them instead. I understand why you don't want to be around her, but if you want to save your marriage, you need to get to building it.

Remark, I think I understand why your wife is so frustrated with you. We've talked about your family, you've agreed to follow the Marriage Builders plan about that, but you haven't followed it.

If I were her I would be incredibly frustrated that you are still talking about family instead of following the plan that works.

Exactly.

You need to make a decision. Do you want to save this marriage or not?

Remark, if I were you I would go home and start spending 30 enjoyable hours a week with my wife and stop judging her for feeling differently about family than you do, and stop seeing my family.

You obviously want your family more than your wife. Just get divorced dude stop with all of this angst

By the way was your fair ever exposed to your family and friends?

Prisca,
I totally agree.
"Regardless of how it makes you feel." How do I do that when in her presences, she pursues in an argumentative manner not at all attractive to me?
Thanks,
Remark

OK, That is my plan.
Thanks,
Remark

Markos,
OK.
Thanks,
Remark

Or you could do what we told you for free!

There is a Marriage Builders rule for what to do when your spouse breaks the rules.

It is simple.

When your spouse breaks the rules, don't break them yourself.

OK what? You are going to eliminate them from your life and stop making this an issue? You've told us that multiple times but not done it.

When are you going to start following Marriage Builders, Remark? The plan works when followed, but you aren't following it. You have listened to Dr. Harley for hundreds of hours but still you speak judgment toward your wife for having a different perspective on family than you do.

Apples,
Yes, my emotional affair was exposed to several family members and friends. I don't know and can't say for sure that All were advised.
Thanks,
Remark

Exactly!!

Remark, when I say to schedule with Steve Harley to POJA, understand that it is to help you see this situation in a different way. It is to help you find motivation to do what you need to do.

Your wife has gone out on a limb by being clear with her feelings about your family. I guess this proves that she was right all along that you would not pick her? Can you see how I would feel a bit misled by you in this regard?

I think that any personal discussion right now with MB coaching would be clarifying for both of you.

Understand, that if you die on this hill, then you are responsible for the breakdown of the marriage.

If you are going to spend time together, some of it would be well spent by going through the online program.

Your wife has agreed to accept your efforts to make deposits at this point. As Marcos said, spend 30 hours with her and NOBODY else. Will you start scheduling dates with her right now, just like when you first met her?

Didnt,

Where/when did she agree to 30 hours of something?

Sure, pleasant dates I'm all over. I've wanted "dates" for a long time but been rejected.

I'm just tired of being the source of all things bad to her.

We've both been miserable for years and she's done a good job of explaining to me how we're too different to keep the marriage going. But, sure, I'll not give up.

I'm working on a mutually agreeable time slot with Steven Harley.

Thanks,
Remark