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It really doesn't matter what we, your children, or Dr. Harley says, does it? You are going to rush into marriage #2 barely more (less?) than a year after divorce #1. Who you are still in contact with.
Sunnytimes, let us know if you are interested in MB!
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Would you accept your daughter telling you she has to marry a man she meet a few months ago because she can't resist sex? That's not what I have said, though. That is only a small part of it. Our relationship is very beautiful and is just at that point where we are ready to get married. I am ready for to remove the pendancy and become a buyer. SF is only a part of it, and the greater element of that is we are tired of arranging chaperones, etc. and not being able to travel together.
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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No, because you have been married before, you take it even slower.
Being married before doesn't give you special powers to know everything about a person at an accelerated rate.
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It is beautiful now. But it is of short enough duration that he could be fooling you. Wait. Get to know each other better.
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If you are concerned that you will succumb to temptation, do not be alone together. That's only a small part of it. The greater part is that our relationship is just ready for marriage. It's hard to describe; it's something you just feel/know.
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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18 months is not going to hold any of that back for that long. It's a short time, relatively speaking. You do realize that any such interactions will put a strain on any future marriage. All the more reason to wait. If there is any strain or preference otherwise from my new husband, I stop attending them and we celebrate separately. If my new husband is not welcome to attend, I don't either. This is not MB. Do not put your new marriage through this.
Last edited by Prisca; 06/18/15 04:29 PM.
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Have you even done a background check on this guy?
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If you wait 18 months, you will have still only known this man for about 2 years.
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If you are concerned that you will succumb to temptation, do not be alone together. That's only a small part of it. If morality is only a small part of it, then there really isn't that big a need to rush things. The greater part is that our relationship is just ready for marriage. It's hard to describe; it's something you just feel/know. Been there, done that. Still waited 16 months.
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Sunny, Dr H hasn't found a way for marriages to survive nights apart. He tried with the military. He told you to maintain a dating relationship until you can spend your nights together.
Dr H doesn't leave things 'open to interpretation'. He says it flat out.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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18 months is not going to hold any of that back for that long. It's a short time, relatively speaking. You do realize that any such interactions will put a strain on any future marriage. All the more reason to wait. If there is any strain or preference otherwise from my new husband, I stop attending them and we celebrate separately. If my new husband is not welcome to attend, I don't either. This is not MB. Do not put your new marriage through this. You cannot have contact with previous lovers and have anything close to a good marriage.
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You've already told us he is "bitter" and exposing an imaginary affair to hurt you. And this has already resulted in a bad experience for your children. He was this way, but then after my commenting on that, he completely changed. He saw it affected DD17 and that he was causing it. Now he behaves much differently, and he made a point of turning that corner by inviting the children and I out to a dinner at Cheesecake Factory, all together, some months ago so they could see he and I interacting nicely and help them put that behind them. The children have enthusiastically requested "family" times which include both of us such as their birthday dinner, or events at DS24's home. He behaves very nicely at those times now. He also loans his vehicles to my household when the girls are needing to be in separate places at separate times or in other ways makes his support of my household visible. We now have a friendly and cordial interaction, almost like that of a cousin or such. Why are you trying to normalize your children's interaction with a Child Molester??
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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You do realize that any such interactions will put a strain on any future marriage. All the more reason to wait. If there is any strain or preference otherwise from my new husband, I stop attending them and we celebrate separately. This is like saying "I'll look at porn, as long as my wife is enthusiastic, and I'll stop if there's any strain or preference." Some things can be enthusiastically agreed to by husband and wife but are still a bad idea for marriage: * Alcohol or drug abuse * Porn usage * Opposite sex friends * Swinging * Jumping off a cliff * Family lunch dates with ex spouses
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Since that time Steubenville has been very cordial in person and in front of the kids. I do not believe he dwells on his issues with me to them very much anymore. Although I was surprised to hear that the affair suggestion had made it to DS15.
DS15 is very pragmatic and sees through a lot about his father. He deduced and stated (without ANY suggestion from me) that his dad's drama was all about the money; that his dad wanted to pay less. DS15 was exactly right on. Soon afterwards my xH asked for me to voluntarily accept $600 less in monthly CS because he couldn't service his debts (most of them post divorce), pay me and eat from his income. There was a provision in the divorce decree that I was interested in trading for that, so I agreed to do so.
Our interaction is now cordial and provides no drama with the kids.
I have one last pending action item regarding the drama and that will be to address the nasty things that I learned he was just making up and saying around to everyone (although seemingly not as much to the kids). I have some thoughts on that .... and told him that I would give some thought as to how I would resolve it when it came to light....so he is expecting an action from me regarding it, but continues to be cordial and friendly in the meantime. Almost to the level of cordiality during the good times as when we were married absent the abuse (which he recognizes I no longer need to tolerate).. I'm glad at least you are not experiencing obvious pain any more - but why did you walk through that fire just to gain a cordial cousin? I mean sure the kids like it - but they've been taught to regard buddy divorces as normal - and who's running the show anyway?. I wonder how likely they will be in the future to cut off an abusive man. It sounds like they think you aren't supposed to.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Why are you trying to normalize your children's interaction with a Child Molester?? Markos, your statement is pretty harsh. Dr. Harley's advice regarding this was pasted a few pages back. In his advice directly to me this morning regarding this, he wrote: "Regarding your ex-husband's situation, what evidence do you have that he did this? Did the girl tell you about it? Unless there is proof beyond your husband�s admission (which he could now deny), I wouldn�t mention it to the girls. I would, however, encourage your husband to tell the girls about it, so that they don�t hear it from someone else years from now. He probably won�t tell them, and a few years from now, you might tell them yourself. But I wouldn�t worry about the effect that it would have on the girls if they were to find out about it. My perspective on truth is that as painful as it is sometimes, it�s always worth having."
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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Why are you trying to normalize your children's interaction with a Child Molester?? Markos, your statement is pretty harsh. Dr. Harley's advice regarding this was pasted a few pages back. In his advice directly to me this morning regarding this, he wrote: "Regarding your ex-husband's situation, what evidence do you have that he did this? Did the girl tell you about it? Unless there is proof beyond your husband�s admission (which he could now deny), I wouldn�t mention it to the girls. I would, however, encourage your husband to tell the girls about it, so that they don�t hear it from someone else years from now. He probably won�t tell them, and a few years from now, you might tell them yourself. But I wouldn�t worry about the effect that it would have on the girls if they were to find out about it. My perspective on truth is that as painful as it is sometimes, it�s always worth having." Dr. Harley did not tell you to take your girls on dinner dates with this man. Nowhere in Marriage Builders is this advised.
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I can't see any reason at all after Steubenville's behavior for you to continue a relationship with him.
The fact that you are tells me that he must still have a very high balance in his account in your Love Bank. You are looking at him through some extremely rosy colored glasses.
This man is a child molester. I feel bad to keep bringing that trauma up over and over again, but women despise child molesters. Unless they are in love with them.
Continued contact with a man who has a high balance in your love bank is very dangerous for any future marriage.
Does your fiance know that your ex-husband molested a teen girl?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Some things can be enthusiastically agreed to by husband and wife but are still a bad idea for marriage:
* Alcohol or drug abuse
* Porn usage
* Opposite sex friends
* Swinging
* Jumping off a cliff
* Family lunch dates with ex spouses ...lol, Ok markos. I appreciate the humorous delivery of the message. I want to please the kids, yet I don't particularly enjoy xH being a part of family lunch dates. This will not be hard for me to eliminate. I can do that.
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 863
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Why are you trying to normalize your children's interaction with a Child Molester?? Markos, your statement is pretty harsh. Dr. Harley's advice regarding this was pasted a few pages back. In his advice directly to me this morning regarding this, he wrote: "Regarding your ex-husband's situation, what evidence do you have that he did this? Did the girl tell you about it? Unless there is proof beyond your husband�s admission (which he could now deny), I wouldn�t mention it to the girls. I would, however, encourage your husband to tell the girls about it, so that they don�t hear it from someone else years from now. He probably won�t tell them, and a few years from now, you might tell them yourself. But I wouldn�t worry about the effect that it would have on the girls if they were to find out about it. My perspective on truth is that as painful as it is sometimes, it�s always worth having." Dr. Harley did not tell you to take your girls on dinner dates with this man. He didn't tell me to curtail their relationship, or even that exposure of the incident was a priority at this time.
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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Joined: Jan 2010
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Some things can be enthusiastically agreed to by husband and wife but are still a bad idea for marriage:
* Alcohol or drug abuse
* Porn usage
* Opposite sex friends
* Swinging
* Jumping off a cliff
* Family lunch dates with ex spouses ...lol, Ok markos. I appreciate the humorous delivery of the message. I want to please the kids, yet I don't particularly enjoy xH being a part of family lunch dates. This will not be hard for me to eliminate. I can do that. 
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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