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But you can GET the police report, Sunnytimes. You are a smart woman and I know you know this. Dr Harley's only objection to this was that you didn't have proof and your H would just deny it. Your daughters are at risk as long as they don't know the truth. Why do that to them? Although Dr. Harley's advice did not suggest that exhausting all means to obtain evidence now was imperative or urgent, to answer your question I will call the police dept today and ask for a copy of the report. I will be very surprised if it is accessible, but Melody I respect your kind advice and will see if it is. Police reports are typically a matter of public record under the Freedom of Information Act. Although you did not correct Dr. Harley's wrong assumption about proof, I hope that you do follow through and get the report. I have no doubt Dr Harley assumed, like I did, that there was no proof and no way to get it. There is no reason to delay telling your daughters.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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basically telling them you would be delaying your happiness and marriage until they were out of the house. Nor I did not tell her this. Nor did her feedback perceive she thought I did. And then having your DD move in with your ex? What are you talking about? I'm not having her move in with my xH. I didn't ask her to do this and would miss her tremendously if she chose to. And then not even protect her and your other DD (and their friends for that matter) by getting that police report. I don't think you are thinking clearly. Dr. Harley has spoken quite clearly on this and I am following his advice which was provided personally to me, based on the specifics of my situation, on this matter. He did not suggest or advise that I disrupt their relationship with their dad at all. Your advice and position is different than Dr. Harley's. I followed up to let him know I did have certain knowledge that it occurred (it wasn't just something that was alleged by the girl - hesaidshesaid) and asked that if that changed anything to please let me know. To date, he has not replied. When he does, I will be sure to follow his advice. I will follow Melody's suggestion and place a call to the PD, although Dr. Harley did not express that it was urgent/imperative for me to exhaust all resources to obtain proof.
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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Although you did not correct Dr. Harley's wrong assumption about proof, I hope that you do follow through and get the report. I have no doubt Dr Harley assumed, like I did, that there was no proof and no way to get it. There is no reason to delay telling your daughters. I followed up to let him know I did have certain knowledge that it occurred (it wasn't just something that was alleged by the girl - hesaidshesaid) and asked that if that changed anything to please let me know. I don't have evidence, but I have certain knowledge. He did advise me to delay telling them. He said to encourage my xH to tell them and if he didn't, in a few years to tell them myself.
Last edited by Sunnytimes; 06/22/15 09:33 AM.
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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Sunny,
At the end of the day, you are jumping into one marriage when the last one isn't even cold.
You are NOT putting your children as a priority, despite telling yourself otherwise. You talk about all your children like they are grown adults with their own lives, but they are NOT. They are teenagers, not adults, right? But you treat them like adults because it suits YOUR goal.
They are being forced to suck up and deal with this. You don't want to slow do or stop this, and nothing they say or do will change that.
Enough already, I can't even. This thread is all about you and what you want. You only see and read what you want.
Dr. Harley specifically said not to marry him and to let your kids heal. That isn't this, no matter how much you twist it to suit your goal.
Good luck to you, Sunny. Out of the pan and into the fire. The reason everyone here is "mean" is because you are talking like a selfish 12 yo with a crush, when you are a grown woman barely divorced with kids. Knock it off already and start using your head! ITA. If you were to tell Dr Harley that after getting his advice, you had a conversation with your DD that ended in her tellin you she was going to go live with her dad but that, no really, she is thrilled with your new marriage and this has nothing to do with that - he is going to reiterate his advice to you to not to get married, and he will probably emphasize the fact that you need to focus on your relationship with your DD. I know this because I have had my own communications with Dr Harley regarding my 19 yr old DD. He is very much (as you have already seen from his advice to you) an advocate on keeping a close intact relationship even with teen and almost grown children. He would be alarmed that your DD now wants to move out. I can guarantee it. If you don't slow down and start thinking clearly, you are going to end up damaging your relationship with your kids, damaging them and also with a troubled 2nd marriage. You are just telling yourself people are "mean" because you don't want to hear it.
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Dr. Harley has spoken quite clearly on this and I am following his advice which was provided personally to me, based on the specifics of my situation, on this matter. Let's be honest. He did not speak "clearly" because you left him with a wrong assumption. You can't say he spoke clearly when you didn't give him all the facts. You let him wrongly assume that there was no proof leading him to give advice based on that wrong information. will follow Melody's suggestion and place a call to the PD, although Dr. Harley did not express that it was urgent/imperative for me to exhaust all resources to obtain proof. Why would Dr Harley say any such thing if was under the impression that there was no evidence available? His advice was given on the basis of a FALSE ASSUMPTION that you did not bother to correct until prompted here.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Sunny,
At the end of the day, you are jumping into one marriage when the last one isn't even cold.
You are NOT putting your children as a priority, despite telling yourself otherwise. You talk about all your children like they are grown adults with their own lives, but they are NOT. They are teenagers, not adults, right? But you treat them like adults because it suits YOUR goal.
They are being forced to suck up and deal with this. You don't want to slow do or stop this, and nothing they say or do will change that.
Enough already, I can't even. This thread is all about you and what you want. You only see and read what you want.
Dr. Harley specifically said not to marry him and to let your kids heal. That isn't this, no matter how much you twist it to suit your goal.
Good luck to you, Sunny. Out of the pan and into the fire. The reason everyone here is "mean" is because you are talking like a selfish 12 yo with a crush, when you are a grown woman barely divorced with kids. Knock it off already and start using your head! ITA. If you were to tell Dr Harley that after getting his advice, you had a conversation with your DD that ended in her tellin you she was going to go live with her dad but that, no really, she is thrilled with your new marriage and this has nothing to do with that - he is going to reiterate his advice to you to not to get married, and he will probably emphasize the fact that you need to focus on your relationship with your DD. I know this because I have had my own communications with Dr Harley regarding my 19 yr old DD. He is very much (as you have already seen from his advice to you) an advocate on keeping a close intact relationship even with teen and almost grown children. He would be alarmed that your DD now wants to move out. I can guarantee it. If you don't slow down and start thinking clearly, you are going to end up damaging your relationship with your kids, damaging them and also with a troubled 2nd marriage. You are just telling yourself people are "mean" because you don't want to hear it. Your post assumes a lot. From the outset of the separation, this DD wanted to live with my xH because she felt sorry that he was alone. I managed to keep her primary residence with me because I wanted it. You'll just have to trust that I know my daughter, and that I understood her reactions/intent in that conversation. And that I am smart enough not to position/imply to her that if she would just hurry up and move out it would make me happy. Additionally, that is not true. I would be very sad if she moved out, and would miss her tremendously. I don't want to miss a single moment of their teen life, and am hoping that she stays with me after she is done with HS while she attends local college. Statements that I want her out of the house to expedite a marriage are just false.
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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"Regarding your ex-husband's situation, what evidence do you have that he did this? Did the girl tell you about it? Unless there is proof beyond your husband�s admission (which he could now deny), I wouldn�t mention it to the girls. I would, however, encourage your husband to tell the girls about it, so that they don�t hear it from someone else years from now. He probably won�t tell them, and a few years from now, you might tell them yourself. But I wouldn�t worry about the effect that it would have on the girls if they were to find out about it. My perspective on truth is that as painful as it is sometimes, it�s always worth having." " Unless there is proof I wouldn't mention it to the girls...." There actually IS proof, so he advised that you tell the girls. Did you read this, Sunny?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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There is your answer from Dr. Harley, right in your own post. So why are you bothering Dr Harley again? Are you hoping to get another answer?
Is there a reason why you are so resistant to telling your daughters?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Sunny, I'm rereading what Dr. Harley said to you: Regarding your ex-husband's situation, what evidence do you have that he did this? Did the girl tell you about it? Unless there is proof beyond your husband�s admission (which he could now deny), I wouldn�t mention it to the girls Dr. Harley said not to tell your girls unless there is proof. But I'm reading elsewhere on this thread that there is a police report. So tell the girls, and give them the police report. This is quite a pile up based on something I never said. There is a police report but I DON'T HAVE IT. Never did. I have never read it. His attorneys even told him that he could not talk to me about what happened in case the police question me but he told me "everything" - what he said was everything, anyway. They told me that to save his tail from jail I had to stay out of it. Now, I wish I had requested a copy of that report. I don't know if they would even have a 15 year old report or if they would give it to me because it references a minor. I don't know. There IS a police report out there - or was. In answer to Dr. Harley's question - how do I know for sure - I know for sure because of police involvement and because of the money I had to spend on attorneys. He could simply deny it because I currently have NOTHING to show for my allegations other than his knowledge that I am telling the truth. Contrary to all of your pile-ons, Dr. Harley did not express the repulsed urgency that you all have expressed. While I know it happened, I don't have any evidence to prove to anyone that it did. I will follow Dr. Harley's advice on the matter. Dr. Harley's advice to you is to not tell your daughters without proof, so get the proof (police report), and show it to your daughters. When will you be getting the police report?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Dr. Harley has spoken quite clearly on this and I am following his advice which was provided personally to me, based on the specifics of my situation, on this matter. Let's be honest. He did not speak "clearly" because you left him with a wrong assumption. You can't say he spoke clearly when you didn't give him all the facts. You let him wrongly assume that there was no proof leading him to give advice based on that wrong information. This is the entirety of how I described the incident in my email to him. I did not provide any background as to what my evidence was because I was not expecting the reply he gave. "My xH convinced a minor female (16) to expose herself to him in 2001. He also kissed her. " Why would Dr Harley say any such thing if was under the impression that there was no evidence available? His advice was given on the basis of a FALSE ASSUMPTION that you did not bother to correct until prompted here. Melody, to my recollection, I replied to Dr. Harley with that clarification to his email IMMEDIATELY, even before reporting back to the boards what he said. I will look up the time stamps to confirm if that is important to you. Follow up information: He sent me an email at 9:40 a.m. I don't recall how soon after it appeared in my email box that I notice it. My follow up question to him was at 12:30 (noon). So no, I wasn't trying to perpetuate a false assumption with Dr. Harley whatsoever.
Last edited by Sunnytimes; 06/22/15 09:52 AM.
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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They told me that to save his tail from jail I had to stay out of it. When your husband kisses a nude teen, don't save his tail from jail.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I don't need to assume anything. You got Dr Harley's advice and now your DD is planning to move out. I can guarantee you with about 99% certainty if Dr Harley knew this he would tell you that you should do whatever you can to keep her with you, even if she "says" she is thrileed with your getting married suddenly. Stop twisting the issues.
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They told me that to save his tail from jail I had to stay out of it. When your husband kisses a nude teen, don't save his tail from jail. We have been over that at long length Markos. I can't change anything that happened 15 years ago. I sought MB advice at the time, even and wasn't advised anything like what MB advises today.
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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I don't know if they would even have a 15 year old report or if they would give it to me because it references a minor. I don't know. When will you be finding out?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Did you read this? Here is the answer you need. And I am pretty sure you didn't email Dr Harley that you might have proof until prompted by the board. Even so, you had no reason to do so because you had the answer all along: "Regarding your ex-husband's situation, what evidence do you have that he did this? Did the girl tell you about it? Unless there is proof beyond your husband�s admission (which he could now deny), I wouldn�t mention it to the girls. I would, however, encourage your husband to tell the girls about it, so that they don�t hear it from someone else years from now. He probably won�t tell them, and a few years from now, you might tell them yourself. But I wouldn�t worry about the effect that it would have on the girls if they were to find out about it. My perspective on truth is that as painful as it is sometimes, it�s always worth having." " Unless there is proof I wouldn't mention it to the girls...." There actually IS proof, so he advised that you tell the girls. Did you read this, Sunny?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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They told me that to save his tail from jail I had to stay out of it. When your husband kisses a nude teen, don't save his tail from jail. We have been over that at long length Markos. I can't change anything that happened 15 years ago. I sought MB advice at the time, even and wasn't advised anything like what MB advises today. Great, so let's talk about what MB advises today for your daughter who wants to move in with her father who kissed a nude underage girl. When will you be finding out about that police report?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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"Regarding your ex-husband's situation, what evidence do you have that he did this? Did the girl tell you about it? Unless there is proof beyond your husband�s admission (which he could now deny), I wouldn�t mention it to the girls. I would, however, encourage your husband to tell the girls about it, so that they don�t hear it from someone else years from now. He probably won�t tell them, and a few years from now, you might tell them yourself. But I wouldn�t worry about the effect that it would have on the girls if they were to find out about it. My perspective on truth is that as painful as it is sometimes, it�s always worth having." " Unless there is proof I wouldn't mention it to the girls...." There actually IS proof, so he advised that you tell the girls. Did you read this, Sunny? However, I don't have it!
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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"Unless there is proof beyond your husband�s admission ..." There is such proof. So now you can tell them.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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[
"Unless there is proof I wouldn't mention it to the girls...." There actually IS proof, so he advised that you tell the girls. Did you read this, Sunny? However, I don't have it! [/quote] And what are you doing about that?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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They told me that to save his tail from jail I had to stay out of it. When your husband kisses a nude teen, don't save his tail from jail. We have been over that at long length Markos. I can't change anything that happened 15 years ago. I sought MB advice at the time, even and wasn't advised anything like what MB advises today. Great, so let's talk about what MB advises today for your daughter who wants to move in with her father who kissed a nude underage girl. When will you be finding out about that police report?markos, are you reading my posts? I just told Melody that I would place a call today.
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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