You are playing games. You're acting like a teenage girl (making him jealous by pretending to be interested in someone else? Seriously?). I don't see why we should take this relationship any more serious than you do.

I am not pretending to be interested in someone else. Someone else, Simon, really is interested in me. I am just revealing the interest to my guy, or rather just not hiding it. I invited Simon to dinner as a friend and Simon revealed that himself actually.

I can't be interested in Simon because I'm in love with Paul, but I appreciate his holding my hand and being a great friend through this.

Paul really *is* jealous. He's lost much of his interest in the other woman because of this, as far as I can tell. This is what made him come out of the fog even for some time.

Separation does not proactively mend the relationship but it is your best damage control option. If you stick around he has no motivation to choose and since men are wired to enjoy polygamy you prop up the other relationship.

She will not show any flaws because she is competing with you - and he can leave whenever she gets dull. She is only supposed to be side action and she thrives in that role. She grows in strength through flattery and you die on the vine through betrayal.

It will also kill you - I'm not kidding. One beloved poster died very young of a heart attack after trying what you are suggesting. Others have nervous breakdowns. Dr H says only three weeks of Plan A is safe.

As someone unmarried who cannot appeal to a social outcry your main strength lies in removal of the great deal you offer. If he wants the lifestyle and support and relationship you offer, he will need to come up with the goods. Fidelity and marriage.

I would suggest you tell your son the truth and everyone close to you and him why you have decided this while healing yourself through no contact.

When this relationship dies a natural death you can consider whether he is likely to be more serious towards you.

But he has to be a leader. Women are unhappy if they have to nag men into commitment and effort.

If you were married and committed we would tell you not to allow opposite sex friends to make love bank deposits like this. Talking about a troubled relationship in the office is the cause of most affairs. You're just legitimizing what he's done with OW.

I guess I'm emotionally preparing for a separation if it does have to happen - getting a job, losing weight etc. The interest of Simon was unforeseen. But now Paul seems to be fighting for me.

You know I don't think much of men who shop in the vulnerable department.


Plan B wives show the kind of future the WS could return to. They show a very committed stance to their vows.

You don't have to do this as a girlfriend, but would you marry someone who made you jealous after refusing proposals?

Rather than making him feel jealous just tell him you're heartbroken. Too heartbroken to continue being the hypotenuse in the love triangle and to call you when he's serious.

Don't make another triangle for heaven's sake.

I'm not going to leave Paul right now. Paul knows it was not a refusal of his proposal, but an expression of trust I don't need a certificate; love is enough and I'd marry him any day. He's back in the fold with me. Just need to cope with the OW's contact.

The OW's affair - she's hanging on by a flimsy thread. Just need to be patient with him and snip it off.

I asked him if it is a good idea to get married 5 minutes ago. He said yes and dug out a ring he had bought long ago. So we are engaged.

I guess that's one good thing that has happened because of the forum. So thanks, you guys.

Now that's out of the way, the question of her contact.

We are closely integrated with Paul's family and friends. So it will be very difficult for the OW to pry us apart, right? In the mind of the guy, he will be very reluctant to lose or strain the relationships with son etc. by going off with an OW his family clearly disapproves of, right? What kind of life is that, on his own with her?

Hi,

I wonder if affairs on the man's side are more or less common in long term marriages and relationships. I'm talking about 25 - 30 years marriages in which we have been together since 19. Is it easier or harder for the OW to break us apart?

Is it more or less likely for the man to fall in love with OW?

Love isn't enough.

You have to exclude competition, endow your worldly goods and agree to still be committed if you fall out of love - to get the love back if it ever wanes.

Working on getting the love back. eliminating love busters and meeting his emotional needs - that is the best part about this MB program. The great thing is you can do this all on your own until he falls in love again. One person can lead the relationship back to recovery and love.

If he bought a ring I would guess refused proposals really hurt.

I would ask him how he really felt about that.

If you're considering marriage he needs to end things with her overtly. Send her a letter instructing her not to contact him and change his details so she can't. Contact with her would be a deal breaker.

You also need to assure him you wouldn't continue your friendship after marriage.

You also both need a job that doesn't include travelling.

You can only do this if there is fidelity or if you are a man. Women cannot compete with each other.

> Send her a letter instructing her not to contact him and change his details so she can't.

Good idea. I can work on this with sis-in-law. She can get office admin to change his email address and not give that one out. Redirect the old email address to his secretary.

His business phone number has long time contacts on it. He needs it, but I can chat with sis to hand it to his secretary and get a new phone. His secretary can screen calls and texts to it.

Dunno what to do about Facebook.

He's the managing director, so he has to travel to trade shows and conferences to keep the sales going. I don't travel.

That is what I cannot understand. Why not?!

What if he does not know I am competing? All he will experience is I don't nag or get into fights, I am thinner and fit, and I have a great and interesting new job and friends...

Do you mean to say that if a man loves another woman, then he simply does not love me and wants me out of the way? Competing won't work? My only option is to get out of the way?

If that is the male psychology, that might well be true. I can understand.

But the statistics say that most MM chose their wife and family over the OW and I think this has happened with our situation.