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Do you mean to say that if a man loves another woman, then he simply does not love me and wants me out of the way? Competing won't work? My only option is to get out of the way? Men can love two women at once. He'll never be won the way you would be if two men competed for you
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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If that is the male psychology, that might well be true. I can understand.
But the statistics say that most MM chose their wife and family over the OW and I think this has happened with our situation. Only if they are forced to choose!
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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> Send her a letter instructing her not to contact him and change his details so she can't.
Good idea. I can work on this with sis-in-law. She can get office admin to change his email address and not give that one out. Redirect the old email address to his secretary.
His business phone number has long time contacts on it. He needs it, but I can chat with sis to hand it to his secretary and get a new phone. His secretary can screen calls and texts to it.
Dunno what to do about Facebook.
He's the managing director, so he has to travel to trade shows and conferences to keep the sales going. I don't travel. You could block or delete fb you could travel with him
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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If two men competed for me there would be one that I love and am in love with. The other one I would make into a platonic friend out of feeling bad and let it fizzle away.
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If that is the male psychology, that might well be true. I can understand.
But the statistics say that most MM chose their wife and family over the OW and I think this has happened with our situation. Only if they are forced to choose! Ah! I get what you guys mean now. So you are saying the best bet is to force his hand and make him choose sooner rather than later. Later might mean the affair would continue for longer and increase the chances of his choosing her.
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I get this nagging feeling that he has "chosen" me outwardly, to pacify and maintain the status quo. But the affair has gone underground and communications are continuing mildly and she is "waiting in the winds" for him. 
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If that is the male psychology, that might well be true. I can understand.
But the statistics say that most MM chose their wife and family over the OW and I think this has happened with our situation. Only if they are forced to choose! Ah! I get what you guys mean now. So you are saying the best bet is to force his hand and make him choose sooner rather than later. Later might mean the affair would continue for longer and increase the chances of his choosing her. Bingo. I get this nagging feeling that he has "chosen" me outwardly, to pacify and maintain the status quo. But the affair has gone underground and communications are continuing mildly and she is "waiting in the winds" for him. Usually the case.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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It is easier if there is no marriage. In that case, the involved parties have left themselves an easy out. It actually isn't an affair because there is no contract requiring exclusivity.
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It also helps if you stick to 1 thread.
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Bummer.
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Bummer. Jenni these people here are amazing. Follow their advice and look on the marriage as a 'reset'. Do this right and sell your boyfriend on the advantages for him to joining you in a committed relationship. Don't lecture him, make this inviting. Start by buying the books and reading them. This programme is very different from anything else and is incredibly effective at creating caring romantic relationships but it has to be done right. You cannot cut corners or make your own version. This 'side dish' relationship needs to be killed stone dead. The normal advice is spyware but you are not legally going to be able to do this because you are not married (I would anyway). You MUST travel with him, no nights apart. If you cannot face that, cut lose now as it will be better for your health than the long term pain of repeated betrayals. My mother had an emotional affair that lasted 50 years with only once yearly contact. After my father died she quickly married her affair partner (his wife had died some years before). It was only then that the full horror of what she had done was revealed to her. How she had deceived my father by being only semi-committed all those years when he was so devoted to her. Of course her second marriage was miserable, they fought like mad.
3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)
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If that is the male psychology, that might well be true. I can understand.
But the statistics say that most MM chose their wife and family over the OW and I think this has happened with our situation. He is not a married man though. And this is not an affair. He is free to pursue his new girlfriend just as he is free to be with you.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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It is easier if there is no marriage. In that case, the involved parties have left themselves an easy out. It actually isn't an affair because there is no contract requiring exclusivity. In the UK cohabitation and civil partnerships have the same rights as marriage - the same rights in a divorce, same tax allowances etc.
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If that is the male psychology, that might well be true. I can understand.
But the statistics say that most MM chose their wife and family over the OW and I think this has happened with our situation. He is not a married man though. And this is not an affair. He is free to pursue his new girlfriend just as he is free to be with you. We are engaged and we are getting married soon.
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If that is the male psychology, that might well be true. I can understand.
But the statistics say that most MM chose their wife and family over the OW and I think this has happened with our situation. He is not a married man though. And this is not an affair. He is free to pursue his new girlfriend just as he is free to be with you. We are engaged and we are getting married soon. Like I said, he is not a married man.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Maybe in your mind, but he said he is married and committed to us as far as he is concerned.
Last edited by jenni19; 06/20/15 10:37 AM.
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People say that all the time but the truth is that only marriage is the same as marriage. It is the final cementing step in a true commitment.
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It is easier if there is no marriage. In that case, the involved parties have left themselves an easy out. It actually isn't an affair because there is no contract requiring exclusivity. In the UK cohabitation and civil partnerships have the same rights as marriage - the same rights in a divorce, same tax allowances etc. You did not enter a civil partnership and cohabitation does not give you the same rights as marriage. Lots of us are from the UK. Take a look here for the list of differences https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/r...together-and-marriage-legal-differences/
3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)
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You can announce a relationship as whatever you want but it won't change millenia of cultural conditioning.
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Bummer. Jenni these people here are amazing. Follow their advice and look on the marriage as a 'reset'. Do this right and sell your boyfriend on the advantages for him to joining you in a committed relationship. Don't lecture him, make this inviting. Start by buying the books and reading them. This programme is very different from anything else and is incredibly effective at creating caring romantic relationships but it has to be done right. You cannot cut corners or make your own version. This 'side dish' relationship needs to be killed stone dead. The normal advice is spyware but you are not legally going to be able to do this because you are not married (I would anyway). You MUST travel with him, no nights apart. If you cannot face that, cut lose now as it will be better for your health than the long term pain of repeated betrayals. My mother had an emotional affair that lasted 50 years with only once yearly contact. After my father died she quickly married her affair partner (his wife had died some years before). It was only then that the full horror of what she had done was revealed to her. How she had deceived my father by being only semi-committed all those years when he was so devoted to her. Of course her second marriage was miserable, they fought like mad. Thanks so much, Living. our son is 17. So I can travel with him. But I have my own job now. But I can drive him to the airport etc and I can join him at the weekends. Amazing story about your mother. I wonder if you can call it an affair though. Maybe a friendship.
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