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"Unless there is proof I wouldn't mention it to the girls...." There actually IS proof, so he advised that you tell the girls. Did you read this, Sunny? However, I don't have it! And what are you doing about that? [/quote] I told you 3 posts ago that I would place a call TODAY to see if I could get it. I am getting frustrated with the circular posts. It seems like everyone is reacting but no one reads my replies.
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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Guys/gals, I appreciate your good intentions, but there are a lot of comments in my thread that are just plain hater-mean. So click ignore on them, get the police report, and show your daughters.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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"Unless there is proof I wouldn't mention it to the girls...." There actually IS proof, so he advised that you tell the girls. Did you read this, Sunny? However, I don't have it! And what are you doing about that? I told you 3 posts ago that I would place a call TODAY to see if I could get it.[/quote] Excellent! I am getting frustrated with the circular posts. It seems like everyone is reacting but no one reads my replies. Sorry; I'm trying to catch up and also reply to where you replied to me, but the thread continues to move on before I get there. It would help if there weren't distractions - stay on topic of getting the police report to your daughters.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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markos, are you reading my posts? I just told Melody that I would place a call today. Yep - trying to read them in the order they were posted! 
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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markos, are you reading my posts? I just told Melody that I would place a call today. Yep - trying to read them in the order they were posted! OK. Thanks. Markos, I've always appreciated the no-nonsense but kind advice you provide.
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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"Unless there is proof I wouldn't mention it to the girls...." There actually IS proof, so he advised that you tell the girls. Did you read this, Sunny? However, I don't have it! And what are you doing about that? I told you 3 posts ago that I would place a call TODAY to see if I could get it. I am getting frustrated with the circular posts. It seems like everyone is reacting but no one reads my replies. [/quote] Good grief, Sunny!! Then why did you say "However I don't have it??" How is that an answer to my point that Dr Harley said "unless there is proof..???"
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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So, the plan is to get the police report and show your daughters, right? Have you thought about how you will introduce the subject?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Call now. Why are you arguing on this forum when you could be getting this issue taken care of?
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Dear sunny I'll give you a little bit of background on my family just so you can understand why I'm so resolved in thinking that you need to get the police report. My mother was molested by a family member as a child. She and her sister both were. They were dropped off everyday by their parents at this person's house. It ruined their wives certainly my certainly my aunt my mother's turn your life around since. My grandparents can barely look at my mother over this. I know they know it's happened because my mother is giving her set testimony many times of how God deliver her from her pain and suffering. But my grandparents are hurt by the fact that they were too drunk when this is how it was happening to realize what was going on and that something was wrong with their children. I would hate for this to happen to you. that's the reason I keep reiterating is because so that there is a possibility. O that this could happen to your girls its horrible and I hope that wouldn't happen with her father. but I would not be able to imagine your pain happened to your girls and there have been anything that you could have done to prevent it.
(I'm dictating on my phone so the grammar is atrocious.)
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You've posted here long enough to know what when all the vets "pile on" and are mean, it is because the poster is doing something foolish and doesn't want to hear it. Again, I am awaiting Dr. Harley's clarification. Are you going to post his response when he sends it?
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You've posted here long enough to know what when all the vets "pile on" and are mean, it is because the poster is doing something foolish and doesn't want to hear it. Again, I am awaiting Dr. Harley's clarification. Are you going to post his response when he sends it? Could we see what you wrote to him adding additional "clarification" that you thought he needed? It's really hard for us completely understand the context when people only post a paragraph or only the response without adding the question or email they sent.
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Sunny, I see you online. Would you mind posting an answer?
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Hi Prisca.
Dr. Harley's followup clearly answered two of the insistent questions from the forum, which are:
- how/if to handle exposure
- whether to disrupt the girls' relationship with their father.
Due to my question/his answer passing in the mail, I'm awaiting clarification to the third question.
I refrained from posting half information here because then it has seemed to generate a flurry of posts which precipitate Dr. Harley's actual advice.
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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Hi Prisca.
Dr. Harley's followup clearly answered two of the insistent questions from the forum, which are:
- how/if to handle exposure
- whether to disrupt the girls' relationship with their father. How did he tell you to handle exposure? I know his stance is to expose, but did he have suggestions on how it should be done?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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With respect to exposure or disruption to the girls' relationship with their father: Regarding your ex-husband's situation, what evidence do you have that he did this? Did the girl tell you about it? Unless there is proof beyond your husband�s admission (which he could now deny), I wouldn�t mention it to the girls. I would, however, encourage your husband to tell the girls about it, so that they don�t hear it from someone else years from now. He probably won�t tell them, and a few years from now, you might tell them yourself. But I wouldn�t worry about the effect that it would have on the girls if they were to find out about it. My perspective on truth is that as painful as it is sometimes, it�s always worth having. "One more thought. Since your husband has visitation rights to the daughters, and may actually live with him after they are 18, it would probably be a good idea to tell them about the incident, and not wait for your husband to do it first. You could preface what you say with the fact that you don�t want to alienate them from their father, and you are not telling them this out of any ill-will toward him, but you have been keeping this from them too long to protect him at the risk of not protecting the girls. So here goes: Then you simply tell them the facts starting with the police coming to your door. Tell them that you didn�t want your husband to go to jail, and so encouraged him to hire an attorney who would present the case as a he said � she said situation. But your ex admitted everything to you. They might even want to talk to him about it. That way, at least if they were to live with him, it would be with an understanding of what he had done." So, no police reports. No disruption of their relationship. His follow up advice is quite different than the initial, but sometimes a second thought is needed and that's OK. So, I will follow his amended advice.
Last edited by Sunnytimes; 06/22/15 03:22 PM.
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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Hi Prisca.
Dr. Harley's followup clearly answered two of the insistent questions from the forum, which are:
- how/if to handle exposure
- whether to disrupt the girls' relationship with their father. How did he tell you to handle exposure? I know his stance is to expose, but did he have suggestions on how it should be done? Your post crossed my posting of Dr. Harley's emails. Please see answer above.
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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So you will be telling the girls?
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So you will be telling the girls? Yes. I will use the approach he has suggested. I think it's productive and compassionate.
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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Joined: Jan 2010
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With respect to exposure or disruption to the girls' relationship with their father: Regarding your ex-husband's situation, what evidence do you have that he did this? Did the girl tell you about it? Unless there is proof beyond your husband�s admission (which he could now deny), I wouldn�t mention it to the girls. I would, however, encourage your husband to tell the girls about it, so that they don�t hear it from someone else years from now. He probably won�t tell them, and a few years from now, you might tell them yourself. But I wouldn�t worry about the effect that it would have on the girls if they were to find out about it. My perspective on truth is that as painful as it is sometimes, it�s always worth having. "One more thought. Since your husband has visitation rights to the daughters, and may actually live with him after they are 18, it would probably be a good idea to tell them about the incident, and not wait for your husband to do it first. You could preface what you say with the fact that you don�t want to alienate them from their father, and you are not telling them this out of any ill-will toward him, but you have been keeping this from them too long to protect him at the risk of not protecting the girls. So here goes: Then you simply tell them the facts starting with the police coming to your door. Tell them that you didn�t want your husband to go to jail, and so encouraged him to hire an attorney who would present the case as a he said � she said situation. But your ex admitted everything to you. They might even want to talk to him about it. That way, at least if they were to live with him, it would be with an understanding of what he had done." So, no police reports. No disruption of their relationship. I'm not sure where you're seeing "no police reports" or "no disruption of their relationship" in there. I'm reading "tell them what he did."
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I'm reading "tell them what he did." That's exactly what I'm reading as well.
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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