Is if a fair practice to bring up items of contention from the past? If if fair to lay blame on another person to make a point? The scenario is as follows:

My W asked our daughters to make Father's Day nice for me. Make breakfast and dinner. No gifts or anything. We did the same for Mother's Day. Worked out well for Mother's Day. On Father's Day our daughters were basically doing nothing to help. This made my W angry and she said our D forget quickly how I drive them to places, work and concerts. They should have been front and center on Father's Day helping prepare meals. Personally I did not care truth be told. I was grilling. My choice. But that has no bearing. We make it through the dinner hour after a bit of a blow up between W and D.

The following day the argument apparently smoldering has flamed up. There was talk about me driving our D to concerts. And when I do drive them to concerts I get all bent out of shape about it and this some how is translated to my W as being out of control. For this I do not understand. I have never been out of control driving my kids anywhere. I will say I wish I did not have to drive. Similar to most people who do not care to do something but it is done anyway. Example, work. I don't want to. I say so. I work anyway. My W hate the grocery store. Hates making the list and is vocal about it. She goes anyway. However, the driving to concerts and me not really feeling like driving, saying I'm not feeling it, turns into some sort of out of control rage. She is expressing this to our daughters. My eldest said she never seen me do anything. All concerts I actually attend with them!!!

So, my W is pushing an agenda that me driving to concerts somehow affects her because I get into some rage about having to drive our daughters to a concert that I not only got online to order but get a ticket for me. My W is claiming all concerts with exception of one did I get in a rage. It appears my W is altering history to fit her need in an argument about our D being lazy on Father's Day.

Continued...

My questions are:
1. Is it fair to bring of the past and interject in an argument to make a point? In this case, the past history my W is attempting to peddle is incorrect. Never have I gotten into a rage slamming things because I did not feel like driving my D to a concert, work, mall or boyfriends.(furthermore, I don't see how my behavior taking kids to wherever has any bearing on our two D being lazy on Father's Day. At the end of the day I'm the bad guy. I did nothing to warrant this approach(the approach of me as a dad do so much for them they should have been better on FD.) from my W the day after FD.)
2. How does one respond to another who is painting a picture that is incorrect?

You are very disrespectful of your wife. Do you see that?

The impression I get from your posting history is that you show up and start a new thread whenever you want to win an argument with your wife.

Would you like to try Marriage Builders?

According to Dr. Harley, an angry outburst is temporary insanity, and we would all be very surprised if we could view a recording of ourselves during an angry outburst. If your wife says you were in a rage, there's a good chance that you are not remembering everything that happened.

Do you own the book Love Busters? Have you read the chapter on Angry Outbursts? Do you listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, daily?

Nailhead, this board is for posters who want to use Dr. Harley's Marriage Builders Basic Concepts to restore romantic love in their marriages.

Have you read the Basic Concepts? Can you tell us which of the ten Basic Concepts should be used to solve the problem you are posting about here? If so, we can help you see what obstacles are keeping you from doing that and overcome them, so that you and your wife can stop fighting and be happy and in love again.

Please ask your wife to come post here and let us know what she says.

Have you read and listened to Anger Management 101?

Disrepectful? How do you come to this conclusion?

You missed the part were I said there has never been any outburst whatsoever pertaining to driving our D to anything. In fact, I do a majority of it without issue. Sure, I might not feel up to it after a days and I say I do not feel up to it. But it is done and gladly.

Is it ok to simply repress what you are feeling about a task? I no more say anything over and above my W grumblings of going to the grocery store, watching her nieces 2 days a week or you can guess...driving our D to anywhere.

The simple facts remain that there has been no outbursts of any kind but it is being presented to our D as such to make a point.

Have you read what Dr. Harley says about this phenomenon?

I see disrespect all over your post.

Would you like to do Marriage Builders and learn to stop it so that your marriage can improve?

Nobody missed it.

Bring her here. We can help.

It is not about winning an argument. It is about asking how what is fair to bring up in an argument. When it is not fair embellishing to prove a point.

And my past history I appear on the forum to win an argument? This is my second argument question in quite some time. We do not argue much at all and go for months without a disagreement. What is your point other than I'm disrespecting my W?

We'd love to talk to her about it.

Markos, I will try. I would like to say my W tactics have been the same for 21 years. I'm not sure how any of this will make a change in her. The past 21 years I have not received what I consider a heartfelt apology with anything. I do not see that changing.

How about never having an argument EVER? Are you interested in that?

Nailhead, my wife almost never gives me heartfelt apologies, but we have been able to successfully create a very happy marriage anyway. We would love to help you guys do that.

Still waiting on you to answer me regarding doing the following. I'm bringing these things up because I've been where you are and I know how to get to a happy marriage:

* Read the Basic Concepts
* Tell us which of the ten Basic Concepts should be used to solve the problem you are posting about here. We can help you with any obstacles you see that might make this difficult.
* Get the book Love Busters
* Read the chapter on Angry Outbursts
* Listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, daily
* Read Anger Management 101 and listen to the linked radio shows
* Find out what Dr. Harley says about a situation where one spouse reports an angry outburst but the other spouse says there was none
* Ask your wife to come post here and let us know what she says

I went back to your other thread and saw where I had asked you if you and your wife follow Dr. Harley's Policy of Undivided Attention and you never answered. I asked a few times and you took the time to say you felt like you were facing the Spanish Inquisition, but you still never answered. If you had answered, we might have had a chance to talk about how that recommendation from Dr. Harley could help you and your wife with the problem you were posting about.

Now I'm wondering if you have even read the Basic Concepts. That is what we are all about here, after all. The sign on the door says "Marriage Builders," and Marriage Builders is the plan for repairing marriages that Dr. Harley has developed from his many long years of expertise. The plan has specific recommendations for the situations you are facing, and if you'll follow those recommendations you'll be able to make these problems better. The plan is like a diet - it works when followed, but too many people don't follow it.

I'm tossing all this free help at you hoping you'll notice and pick up the tools and read the instruction manuals and learn to use them. You and your wife will be a lot happier if you do. No more arguments about the past. No more arguments about whether or not you are having an angry outburst. No more arguments at all, in fact.

Here it is - free. Give it a shot! The big problem lots of people face in coming here is they are so busy talking that they fail to listen, and so they miss most of what is given to them.