The week of Mothers Day I found out my husband was talking to another girl. Eventually I found out that he had met her at his job. The girls mother owns one of the food trucks that stand along the streets and my husband would eat there for lunch. I figured after all of this he would know that he should not go there anymore. I then noticed that after I found about this and we were trying t work it out that he ended up going there again. This time I told him how I felt about him going. He then told me that, that girl is only there when her mom doesn't go and that he always sends a coworker to buy the stuff now. We pretty much ended the conversation there. The following week I saw our bank again showing something was bought there. Again I let him know that I felt uncomfortable with him going especially knowing that that girl may be there and eventually it turned into an argument. He can easily tell me he isn't going but how do I know it is true? He just keeps saying he is not going and he gets hungry in the middle of work and that is the closest to his job sight. I just feel that he should be avoiding it all around. Is it wrong for me to ask him to please not make any purchases there, am I being demanding? I just feel like him continuing to purchase things there is jeopardizing our marriage and making it so much harder for me to move on from this.

Has he had an affair in the past? Is he having an affair now?

I don't know . He is still at the job site he met the girl that he had an emotional affair with and she does work at the food truck on the days her mother is not there. That's where he continues to go to, but he claims he sends his coworker to buy the food with his credit card and that he doesn't go.

What has happened that leads you to think this is an affair? That is what I am unclear about.

It was . I found out he was texting her everyday and one night I basically caught him talking to her, but he told me it was a coworker and I told myself I was over waiting . That wasn't the only time they had been talking on the phone . When it was confirmed that he was talking to her. His reaction was leaving me and just ending our marriage . He was just negative . He did leave for a few days and then came back .we have been trying to work it out since then but he is still going to the lunch truck to buy things and it's not helping. I try to move from it then he goes there and it just constantly reminds me and takes me back to that day I found out about her and just everything I felt comes back.

Thanks MMAta, I would insist that he leave that job and cut off contact completely. Here is the checklist of extraordinary precautions. If he won't do this, then you should plan on a separation:

From Surviving an Affair, pg 66-67

The extraordinary precautions do more than end marriage-threatening affairs; they help a couple form the kind of relationship they always wanted.

These recommendations may seem rigid, unnecessarily confining, and even paranoid to those who have not been the victim of infidelity. But people like Sue and Jon, who have suffered unimaginable pain as a result of an affair that spun out of control, can easily see their value. For the inconvenience of following my advice, Sue would have spared herself and Jon the very worst experience of their lives.


Checklist for How Affairs Should End

_____The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again.

_____The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP:

_____Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse).

_____Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).

_____Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).

_____Spend leisure time together.

_____Change jobs and relocate if necessary.

_____Avoid overnight separation.

_____Allow technical accountability.

_____ Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends.

Has his affair been exposed and to who?