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She has told me nothing of the affair. I have plans to talk to her tonight and see if she will open up. Ron be strategic. Why would you talk to her? She knows very well what she is up to, as do you. Talking to her will just take the affair further underground. A totally unexpected nuclear exposure is by far your best strategy. Do not tip your hand. Do i just sit tight? Or what is my next move? I'm not sure where you are on exposure but I did want to pipe in about one thing. You exposed her at church and they made OM break it off with her. That was a awesome smart move. However, your wayward wife now incorrectly thinks if she separates from you (and later divorces you) she can THEN resume the affair. My wife kind of did the same thing after OM dumped her. See...she THINKS the only reason they can't be together is because she's with you/married to you...so in order to get the affair back...she's got to separate. I simply said "no". Your wife is looking for work but she can't afford to move out on her own and hopefully her parents or relatives don't take her in leaving her "stuck" with you. It's OK if she's just stuck. Your affair can over come her anger. It can't overcome and ongoing affair. Right now she's just acting like a crack head who's only dealer disappeared. OM was her crack and she wants it back, but OM is done with her and hopefully he doesn't get wishy washy on her saying "I'll wait for you" or some other bull when trying to end it politely. Once she withdraws from daily contact and starts thinking a bit more clearly (2-4 weeks), she'll calm down and hopefully start to see the foolishness of her ways. Watch for her also to start criticizing OM for being a wimp who is afraid of upsetting his family and church. She'll be offended that his "love" wasn't strong enough or deep enough for him to ignore them like she expected him to. She'll start realize that OM just used her and when the going got tough OM ran (whereas....when the going got tough for you, her husband, you didn't run, you fought for her). It's a distinction she'll realize in time. Godspeed. Thanks for your words. It was crazy anout the time i started to wounder what was hoing on she was getting short with angry outbursts towards me and the kids, None of it made rational sense. She made more of a deal out of it at church with her yelling,know its my fault the whole church knows whats going in her mind. In a way i am luck i am really slow to anger or get under my skin, i thinks shes been looking for me to lose it so she can point the finger at me. Lets see this sunday will be the 2nd sunday since to fireworks at church. Right know i just want her to sit down and tell whats on her mind and feelings, good or bad. As for any her parents taking her in, well her mom lives out of her car, her dad would have a fit with three kids in his place, and thats if thy even start talking again. So for now she is stuck.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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RonClark,
One of the reasons I asked about OMs past is that it may help you break the spell OM has on your WW if you can find out that OM has done this to other women in the past.
Gamma
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RonClark,
One of the reasons I asked about OMs past is that it may help you break the spell OM has on your WW if you can find out that OM has done this to other women in the past.
Gamma Ill call his dad up and see if he will chat with me
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Well this early morning I ran across a not book with love letters to the OM and about there future plans of bring together, every funny read might I say since it all read every selfish.
I am calling the OM dad, should I start a fb campaign? Or anything else?
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Well this early morning I ran across a not book with love letters to the OM and about there future plans of bring together, every funny read might I say since it all read every selfish.
I am calling the OM dad, should I start a fb campaign? Or anything else? You should read the Exposure 101 thread and follow the instructions on the thread. Not sure what you mean by a Facebook campaign, but it is real important that you expose in a strategic, careful manner so you are not dismissed as a nut. I would take the notebook and make copies of it and keep them in a safe place.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I took copy of the pages last night, tonight I am going to copy all the text messages off her phone since I figured out the pin.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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I want to make sure i understand this. On the part about using fb one make a page of my proof. Step two post whats going on on my page. Step three sent pm to all her friends?
I plan to talk to her dad but i only have his email, i am letting the paster know its affair not just innocent friendship like he said. And contact OM parents.
I have told my friends and parents.
Anything i am missing? I know i am pretty level headed but what i read has got me going inside.
It sounds like in two to three months time she wants a devorce And start a life his him, and the kids well she does not care if thy know that she bailed and might have resentment against her.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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Ron, does the OM have a Facebook page? You should expose to his Facebook contacts via pm. You can also email or Facebook PM her friends and family. And I would definitely reach out to the OMs dad and your pastor.
How old are your kids? Any child 4 and above should be told.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Ron, does the OM have a Facebook page? You should expose to his Facebook contacts via pm. You can also email or Facebook PM her friends and family. And I would definitely reach out to the OMs dad and your pastor.
How old are your kids? Any child 4 and above should be told. I cant locate OM fb page or email. I have 3 kids, step daughter is 10, daughter is 3 and son thats 9 months. The stepdaughter sees me as her father hers has made no contact with her
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Can anyone tell me why a church is against exposing a affair and snooping? i got some backlash from the leadership when i talked to the OM father.
can anyone tell me what might be going on in my wife's mind? this Sunday we watched a movie "plans,trains, and automobiles" towards the end of the movie got me really emotional she started to cry and then said i cant deal with this and ran out the door and drive off to the OM place.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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That may be a good thing and may mean she is conflicted because in her mind you should be the bad guy and the other one the good guy. If she is having a good time with you, she will feel she is betraying the OM.
You should always ask her please not to go and tell her it is breaking your heart. Don't sob, but tell her in an earnest way.
Last edited by happyheart; 07/07/15 05:40 AM.
me, DH
all the children
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Generally when people are against exposure they have their own skeletons. Churchgoing doesn't protect people from having affairs and covering them up. Exposure within the church does however.
As to her mind set it's basically a whirling vortex of chaos a lot like drunkenness.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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That makes since, I am trying to show her things can be good here.
I talked to the senior pastor last night, he sure layer the guilt trip on me. At least it felt like that for spying on her.
I hate to question the church, but I know not everyone has the right answers.
I guess I'll go it along exposing what's going on.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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It all comes down to experience dealing with the issue, I think. My church was behind me 100%. In fact, before I knew there was another person, one of the pastors point blank asked me, "Is there someone else?" I told him I didn't think so. When I found out there was, he said, "There always is."
Remarried 7/16
Thanks MB!
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It is a good question to ask your pastor, why the church would promote lying and the enabling or coverup of a sinful act and crime against you. Why they would ask a victim of a crime to remain silent and secretive about the crime committed against him.
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It's bad publicity for churches when their members are engaged in such immoral activities. If they can keep the dirty laundry under wraps they're going to.
Personally I say expose to the entire world. The truth is never the wrong answer. The truth shall set you free.
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You can also point them to Matthew 18:17 and Ephesians 5:11
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I thank you guys for your help, this been really hard on me. Its sure great to have some support.
I gotten some help from the church, but i still feel its not been enought.
If only she would open up to me and see that change can happen. there is hardly i hour that passes by were i am not talking to God about this problem.
BH 34
D-Day- 6/2015
Married 4 years
DD 11 and 4
DS 1
Plan A+Exposure
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She can't do that - drunk brain remember!
The only thing that works is the affair ending.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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