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Re: Policy of Joint Agreement Question
Rufus89 #2860656 07/10/15 08:40 PM
Joined: Mar 2010
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Originally Posted by Rufus89
Originally Posted by indiegirl
Hopefully you wouldn't stop there in a place where she was unhappy, you would keep going towards PoJA to an option she liked even better.

This is what connects it all for me. I see that her stopping is the first step in a process that will lead us, ultimately, to the PoJA. Just not have friends wouldn't fix anything, just like us spending more time together wouldn't fix anything. We've tried both of those plans already, and they didn't work.

If you follow the program and fall in love with each other, and I mean really follow it and really fall in love with each other (not just cherry-picking and then saying "We're okay"), then you will find that your friends are all of the sudden less important to you.

I used to value spending time with my friends more than my husband. But now, I'm so in love with him, that when I DO go out with them I find myself missing him terribly and longing to get back to him as soon as I can.

I rarely go out with them anymore because of that. My husband is who I want to be with.

That's the point the two of you need to get to -- where she CAN go out, but she really doesn't want to.

If she never values spending time with you more than with friends, going out with friends is going to have to end permanently. As Melodylane has already pointed out, you do not want the contrast effect. Anything she enjoys more than you will come between you.


Markos' Wife
FWW - EA
8 kids ...
What to do with an Angry Husband
Re: Policy of Joint Agreement Question
Prisca #2860681 07/10/15 10:48 PM
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Moved to Uranus
Originally Posted by Prisca
Originally Posted by Rufus89
Originally Posted by indiegirl
Hopefully you wouldn't stop there in a place where she was unhappy, you would keep going towards PoJA to an option she liked even better.

This is what connects it all for me. I see that her stopping is the first step in a process that will lead us, ultimately, to the PoJA. Just not have friends wouldn't fix anything, just like us spending more time together wouldn't fix anything. We've tried both of those plans already, and they didn't work.

If you follow the program and fall in love with each other, and I mean really follow it and really fall in love with each other (not just cherry-picking and then saying "We're okay"), then you will find that your friends are all of the sudden less important to you.

I used to value spending time with my friends more than my husband. But now, I'm so in love with him, that when I DO go out with them I find myself missing him terribly and longing to get back to him as soon as I can.

I rarely go out with them anymore because of that. My husband is who I want to be with.

That's the point the two of you need to get to -- where she CAN go out, but she really doesn't want to.

If she never values spending time with you more than with friends, going out with friends is going to have to end permanently. As Melodylane has already pointed out, you do not want the contrast effect. Anything she enjoys more than you will come between you.
^^^^
This is so true. I get invited to do things with my friends all the time and I almost always turn them down to spend time with my husband. He is who I'd rather spend my time with.

FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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