Policy of Undivided Attention

The critical importance of undivided attention

Thank you for the links. And I'm not going to fight with you either.
(This might be easier than I thought....)

How's it going?

I haven't received an LB list to post from Remark yet. I will give him mine tonight.

So after talking with Steve...

Do you think that the forum will still be helpful for you?

I don't have any expectations one way or the other.

I'm focusing on applying the recent suggestions made to me: no more fighting; giving him a weekly LB list; wording my LB list for him as exampled; posting his LB list if he has one and perhaps UA time; and eliminating DJs and keeping my side of the street clean.

Day2Day, that sounds like an awesome plan. I know there is some part of you that has hope that your marriage can be restored, and I hope that for you, too, but that doesn't always happen, and with the new steps last month and this, things are going to get beyond obvious very quickly one way or an other.

But regardless of what happens to your marriage, these steps you are taking to learn the program and learn how to speak up effectively for what you need, bring your taker to the table, and start practicing the part of POJA where you stop doing things you are not enthusiastic about, your life is going to improve in so many ways. I am so excited for you. My family relationships improved, my parenting, everything by learning how to be really honest, and I am still all these later still getting to more and more freedom as I eliminate those old LBs. I, too, spent the last weeks I lived with my then-H debating things, trying to get him to understand what he was doing to me with his LBs. When really it was my LB of over giving, doing things I was not enthusiastic about, that made me so miserable in my marriage.

I hope that makes sense. I'm rooting for you!

Great! Hope you scheduled your session for this week.

Remark has invited you out, right?

Please be pleasant. No discussion of divorce. That is a lovebuster.

Day....do you have someone waiting in the wings?

Are you going to speak with Steve Harley?

When will that be scheduled?

LTL

Why does anyone need to discuss divorce. If you want a divorce, they are easy to get, and you talk to your lawyer, not your spouse.

Sort of. He sent an email around 3:00 asking how late I was working, to which I responded until about 5:30. He asked if I would be interested in dinner, and at about 3:15, I responded that I wasn't interested in a date but would be willing to meet if we could cover some business. I left work at 5:30 and hadn't heard from him yet so I assumed he wasn't interested and drove thru on the way home.

No.

I already did, last Friday, as I had agreed. He said it's impossible to have a successful marriage when other people (re: Remark's family) take priority over the M relationship. He referred to all the peripheral discussion about individual issues as "symptom chasing." It was pretty conclusive, I have no reason to discuss the dysfunction of it nor the "symptoms" with him further.

Remark and I have both stated that we would like an amiable D that does not involve lawyers. That requires that the two of us discuss it.Marcos, I've expressed my displeasure with this statement previously when your wife said it, but perhaps I wasn't clear. Please do not post this again on my thread. I find it incredibly offensive, especially from someone who hasn't gone thru a divorce. It's the equivalent of telling someone that it's easy to end life support, "just go flip that switch." Even after I've concluded that my M cannot be recovered and D is eminent, I still expect it to the the most difficult thing I'll ever do.

So if you can't stop posting that on my thread, then please stop posting on my thread altogether. Since there are numerous people that post to me that HAVE divorced, I'll let them tell me how EASY it is.

Dr. Harley is the one who says that a divorce is easy to get, JDD. We are quoting him.

If you want one, get a lawyer and let your lawyer handle it. But you don't need to drag your husband through discussions of divorce, and MB will not advocate that. Ever.

But, really, you tend to throw around the threat of divorce on a regular basis. If you want one, stop threatening and just do it.

Not really. It's the equivalent of a person sitting around threatening to flip the switch on a regular basis, and then someone else saying "If you are going to do it, just do it. Stop making threats."

At MB, you don't discuss divorce. You don't threaten divorce. You just do it.

This is just a way to abuse Remark and prolong the drama for you. If you want to be free of him, just get a divorce. Nobody will fault you. Your husband has been unfaithful and is incredibly abusive. That being the case, it makes no sense to talk to him. Just get a divorce.


I could care less. You have no business abusing Remark in this manner. If you want a divorce, just go get one.

If you want me to care what should and shouldn't be said to you, start showing some basic level of care for Remark. You've been just as bad to him as he has been to you, and he has just as much cause for divorce as you do.

BTW, if you don't like what I'm saying, clicking ignore is easy.

Is this seriously what a happily-married couple does on a Friday night???