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What else is typical after going dark? What should I look out for? In him, in myself?
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What else is typical after going dark? What should I look out for? In him, in myself? There I fixed it for you.  Plan B is all about you. To protect yourself you should have no idea what continent WH is on, how he's doing, or if he is in fact alive. Don't even read his horoscope! The first three weeks of cold turkey are very painful. After that you feel better and better. What have you done to secure no contact? I highly recommend ADs for the worst bit at the beginning.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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AD? Is that anti depressants? I've been thinking about that, because my emotions are all over the place. And I know it's unfair to me, I pray for it to stop hurting but I don't think I've stopped in two months..
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Anti depressants, yes.
It takes about two years to properly heal from an affair. But if you go super dark you will feel a marked improvement in about three weeks. While in 'plan c' not only are you not healing, you are picking up new wounds.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Just got a job offer! Good news, but it's in the city an hour away from my H. My sister told him, and he was a bit angry because e wouldn't see our son, but he said he will go along with it cause he doesn't have a choice. In my heart I hoped this would wake him up, and get him to see he's loosing his family. Nope, he doesn't care! I have to realize that this is indeed over.
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Congratulations!
Oh and have your sister read the intermediary training thread. You didn't need to hear any of that. His response is irrelevant.
It will make it a much easier job for her.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Congratulations!
Oh and have your sister read the intermediary training thread. You didn't need to hear any of that. His response is irrelevant.
It will make it a much easier job for her. She told me because he threatened a month ago that if I got a job here he would fight for Custody. So I asked her what he said to get an idea if That's where he's headed
Last edited by Lovestarr6; 07/17/15 12:51 PM.
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I guess what I wanted to ask is if moving an hour away is smart during plan b, if I want my marriage to reconcile one day?
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Usually if you are in the same state, moving doesn't affect custody. Hve you checked with an attorney?
Yes, moving is a good idea because if you reconcile he will need to dump Al the old friends who have supported the affair. Plus it is harder to accidentally run in to him
Edited because autocorrect is nuts!
Last edited by apples123; 07/19/15 08:10 PM.
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I have not talked to anyone because I got the job offer Friday at 5:30pm. I will consult someone tomorrow. You're right, I did pray that God will keep us away from that place because everyone he knows and I know there wants us to divorce. Well except him mom. I guess I was thinking we are already living separate lives, how can he miss me this way? How could he see they he needs me as his wife when his mom more than helps him (cooks for him... Cleans for him... Let's him do what he wants) I am about to go into deep prayer because today I just feel a sense of what ifs, after do good for a couple of days.
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So he doesn't want to do anything custody wise, he just wants our son for 10-12 days before he starts preschool out where I will be. Which is ok, but he made the comment "I don't want to be a weekend dad" to my sister. What did he expect when he's abandoning ship? To have our son like he did when we lived in the same house? This hurts me so much. H
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He hates me.. And my life is crappy because I trusted him... He told me to rely on him, and I did and look where it got me.
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So he doesn't want to do anything custody wise, he just wants our son for 10-12 days before he starts preschool out where I will be. Which is ok, but he made the comment "I don't want to be a weekend dad" to my sister. What did he expect when he's abandoning ship? To have our son like he did when we lived in the same house? Pretty much. When can you go dark so you don't have to listen or think about nonsense? He hates me.. And my life is crappy because I trusted him... He told me to rely on him, and I did and look where it got me. It's got you to a place where you rely on you. Can you? What are you going to do to make your Plan B an amazing space for you: Today This week Next week This month Long term?
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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I don't know what to do honesty. I've been praying that this goes away... I've started working out. Spending time with friends, but we have a child together so I am constantly reminded of how this wasn't in my plan. That I married someone who now treats me like garbage
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My H talked to my mom and said he never cheated on me except the times I knew of when we first got married. She said she believed him, however he couldn't explain the emails or photos.
Could I have possibly lost my family out f being insecure? Assumptions? I am praying for clarity and understanding.... I prayed god would make his cheating a fact to me by him admitting it or someone coming clean, but nothing has happened..... I don't know how to let go of our family, and dreams. If this wouldn't have happened we planned to be pregnant with our second child right now... That the ought alone makes me sad and wish we never separated.
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No, you would still be eating your heart out over his affairs. Remind your mother that you have proof and that if she insists on supporting your husband's adultery, you will no longer be in contact with her.
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What are you doing to take care of your self today?
Stop breaking Plan B to talk about him.
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[quote=Lovestarr6]My H talked to my mom and said he never cheated on me except the times I knew of when we first got married. She said she believed him, however he couldn't explain the emails or photos.
[Quote]
HOW CAN SHE NOT REALIZE HOW RIDICULOUS THAT IS!?! He is gaslighting her. Send her the article on gaslighting.
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I didn't want to talk about him. I've been through a lot of loss this year so my mom wanted to help me. My friends told me they saw my husband out a few weeks ago and he was at a club crying his eyes out over what happened with us. So my mom and many others think he has a drinking problem because of that and other things. She was checking up on him, and trying to be there for me
Last edited by Lovestarr6; 07/21/15 01:43 AM.
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No, you would still be eating your heart out over his affairs. Remind your mother that you have proof and that if she insists on supporting your husband's adultery, you will no longer be in contact with her. She wasn't supporting him. My husband has a tbi as well as severe PTSD. Which she thinks is why he doesn't remember things, like talking to women online. When I showed him the proof before I left he looked confused. I'm not saying this as an excuse, but his mind does play with him. Which is why I almost left him three years ago.
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