Over 2 weeks have past since I've had a drink this is due to AA. For they who don't know my H left me for a younger women essentially abandoning our daughter and me. Yes I did a lot of foolish things mostly because of alcohol. Wasn't unusual for me to be inebriated often around members of the opposite sex the first and last affair was induced by alcohol really didn't know what I did because of a blackout later it turned into a flown blown affair. Perhaps attention was what I searched for, but in the end it was all a mistake. My SA took place in a crowded setting where men and women intermingled together in a platonic way never did I plan on attending a house party for the expressed purpose of having a ON. Omg my BFF was there to protect me instead she left some guy get all around me eew.

Now my H has left me for a girl 13 years younger than himself leaving him no time to visit his daughter. After leaving me he moved into an hotel until lately he purchased an apartment and the two have moved in together. On his Facebook timeline he wrote "you never stop loving someone rather you learn how to live without them". WS girlfriend posts picks of her being in the Louis Vuitton store without him being there as she sits at the counter purchasing things.

Inside I know that he isn't happy there wasn't anyone who brought him more joy than his daughter. Even the two of us shared happy times together what can I do?

Let's hear you talk about your feelings. How are his actions making you feel? How is this affecting you?

I'm concerned that he is running around philandering and you talk like your only concern is for his happiness. I hate to get all psychobabbly, but let's give you permission to have feelings about this!

I think you need to contact Dr. Harley and get his advice. He'll talk to you for free.

I think Plan B is going to be best for you, sooner rather than later. He's flaunting his new life in front of you because he knows it hurts you.

You can expose his affair if you haven't already. And then you can go to Plan B.

I would expose the affair and go to Plan B. Most male affairs are propped up by the wife remaining available but his in particular is a revenge affair being played out for your benefit as audience. It won't make much sense without you.

The most important reason for no contact is it's too painful for you to watch and you destroy all chances for either personal or marital recovery if you do. Women have nervous breakdowns and you must look after yourself and your child right now.

Congratulations on your sobriety! What an amazing new chapter you have started.

I did expose him contacting his place of work friends and boss family mostly through Facebook messaging most of those messages that I sent to Facebook all have arrows. It worked it prompted him to call me during our conversation he brought something up that happened over five years ago that we went to counseling for and resolved. There was a wedding of one of his close friends that he had known for many years and for her wedding he bragged to me that he went to a Tailor and had a suit hemed and sown to his body. The pants alone cost $650 in total I believe the suit came out to $5000 he also bought a pinky ring for $30,000 and he put on an expensive watch for the wedding what angered him was that I arrived to her wedding in a red miniskirt exposing 70% of my body skin this wasn't true the dress was short but it wasn't a miniskirt furthermore he complained that I wore cheap nickle jewelry.

He said just looking at me made him want to dive under the floor suddenly it dawned on him that the only person who would wear a miniskirt to a wedding would be Satan and he didn't want to have anything more to do with me because I was the devil incarnate.

He purchased an expensive suit so that In a thousand years from now when her family members go on ancestry.com they will see a picture of that suit unfortunately I ruined it all with my red miniskirt. It's hard with him not being there at night playing with myself and daughter in the living room and then later on the two of us going out for a coffee and discussing the day and what we plan to do about travel, purchasing a new home. A girlfriend of mine seen the two of them add an expensive Italian furniture store she noticed a look of loneliness on his face I really wish I could bring him back. Any ideas?

Have you read about Plan B?

Can you post it for me?

It involves changing your details so he can't reach you except through a friend who will tell you when he is totally remorseful and ready to end the A. You should not let friends tell you any news about him in plan B.

Here:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html

Did you expose OW too? If you haven't done so already get hold of her friends list from Facebook. Copy it into a word doc.

You also need to expose to your family friends too.

What about his family? Expose even if they don't seem helpful.

This is exactly why you need Plan B - this nonsense is hurtful and abusive. It's alarming he made this silly complaint five years ago, because it is just the type of demonizing, irresolvable, exaggerated complaint a man in an affair makes. I would make a polygraph one of your conditions for recovery because it sounds like his affairs have been going on longer than a month.

Essentially in a nutshell he spent a fortune on a suit for his own hubris wthout your knowledge or approval. Then he failed to tell you he didn't like your dress while you had time to change so he could hold it over you for years.

You need to be strong to recover and fight an affair. He needs you weak so it lasts.


Basically, if you stay in contact, he will dream up countless complaints which are all weak kneed attempts to drag you down and justify the affair. Let him justify them to himself while you get stronger, healed, sober and can build an attractive life.



Did he really think his posh suit will be online for a thousand years?.. Good grief.

I thought you posted she wasn't his biological daughter.

Starting today I'll be contacting OW friends and family it takes courage even more than I thought I'd need. Simply want my H back with his daughter weither he is the biological father or not. Plan B is already in action... Yes indie the suit meant more to him than me. The whole evening he had someone taking photos of him in that suit since his camera was to big for a selfie.

What have you done to enter plan B?
Did you write a plan B letter and have it delivered to him?
Do you have an intermediary?

Is your husband an alcoholic?
Did he get drunk with you?

It sounds like you also have had affairs in the past. Were your affairs exposed?

Well that depends certainly alcohol is his preferred drink but he's high functioning. Initially we met in a bar it took him quite a few drinks just too approach me is what he later told me. H also told me that I was the girl he couldn't get in high school, I found that comment flattering at the time now I find myself questioning his motives. H's ex-gf was to intellectual for him plus he was attracted secretly to mean girls. Normal girls just didn't cut it for him. He liked them scantily clad with long hair and jewelry it seemed that women who cheated on him or who had a lot of attn from men is what did it for him. The more I ignored him the more he wanted me. I used to flirt with guys In front of him often letting them grope me and he wanted me even more it was weird. h told me that before meeting me he was happily engaged to a woman of his intelligence and capability until meeting me in the bar than his courtship deteriorated because the heart wants what heart wants and it can't say no. During high school, college and university he never drank then after entering the work force he found alcohol was the prescription to disinhibition. My affair has been exposed yes. Right now I have intermediate helping me with grammar and punctuation and sentencing otherwise he won't read it.

Wow, there's an awful lot of disrespect in there. It basically sounds like he's been calling you stupid in comparison to other girlfriends and that your main skill is in being a geisha.

You will need to set the bar high here. He will need to be totally remorseful because he has a lot of work to do. Not only would he need to eliminate the disrespect but he would also need to agree to sobriety. You can't fix a marriage before addiction issues are tackled.

Out of interest, are your AA meetings single sex? This is a tremendously vulnerable time for you.

Indie that's what I fear to him every women is a geisha at first it felt like I was living on fantasy Island he treated me like a Christmas tree cosmetic, dental surgeries and hair extensions there was something about him and women's hair ever heard the term strange sexual events like collecting various items off of a woman after sexual completion H was hair. he's an intellectual too for his birthday he flew last minute so had to buy 1st class ticket inorder to go to opera to hear Andrea Bocelli and wouldn't take me because one had to be intelligent to the like the opera and he purchased the most expensive seat later framing the ticket posting it to his office wall as well as to FB so people should know that he is a man of culture.

The letter is completed and wil sent this morning, MB has the best marital strategy that I've come across.

I suspected he was an alcoholic because most sane people would not tolerate living with an active alcoholic.
I think Dr. Harley would encourage you to focus on maintaining sobriety and going to AA meetings at this time.
How are you supporting yourself? paying the bills?

I'd also like to know if your meetings are single sex and how you can exclude men from your plan b. Also what sources of female and family support you can access.

A woman in Plan B is subject to a lot of attention from men looking for vulnerable bargains which is a recipe for disaster. Add in AA recovery, in which men purposely target recovering women at mixed meetings, and I'm concerned.

I'd like to see your plan b organised so it is a safe, secure and happy place for you to heal.