Yahoo, let's not forget that you are communicating with people who have either been in affairs or who have survived their spouses affairs. Expect to be called out for lame excuses.

Any BS who was really in love with their WS at the point of discovery is simply way too hurt to even think of a revenge affair. Having been through the pain, I would never do something like that to a stranger, much less someone I really cared about. So, you can abandon the excuses, we all know what you did and why you did it. Trying out excuses on us is a distraction from seeking the real help that you desperately need.

And when.

Happy to help you with that after you answer my questions.


BTW, tell your wife to come back and post.

That is not regarding your own affair, that is regarding your wife's affair. Just answer the questions without talking about your wife's affair or giving reasons or excuses.

Is this the only other woman you've been involved with in your marriage? It's a yes or no question.

I'm assuming the answer to my question about intercourse is yes. It would be helpful if you'd just say yes. Makes it so much easier to understand.

Your relationship with her started a couple months ago. I had to dig that out of your post. Would've been easier if you'd just answered the question instead of burying it in a lot of other stuff.

Is this the first other woman?

Tell your wife to come back and post.

All my life I have struggled with having mistresses to answer your questions yes I did have sexual intercourse with the OW before my wife's disclosure and over the years I've had many affairs ashamedly with college girls looking to pay their way through college those were the easiest for me to find. By renting an apartment in a nice building with a good view and keeping the place stocked with food and some beer Is all that it took to date gorgeous girls.

The problem all started when I started to earn money which caused me to yield to temptation. Stress became an all-time high the moment I began to date some of these girls it was all an emotional roller coaster and it took it's toll on me mentally. Money was flowing through my fingers like water not only that these girls expected free rent and food but they didn't want to go out with me unless I wined and dined them every night and then of course there was other amenities that they demanded iPods, iPads, there was no free ride. One of them had a greedy if there was something that she liked or wanted she'd stare at it until it was purchased and then say "How did you that I wanted it"? One time after purchasing a brand new iPad I came over to the apartment and gave it to her and her reply was OK now we can phone each other and she went back inside to her room to study, then I bought her an iPod and her response was OK now we can chat online and she went back into her room to study this was all done in the apartment that I rented. Oh it was nothing but heartache an turmoil

Of course I had to buy a second car that my wife didn't know about so my ex-girlfriend or mistress could drive around in. expenses soon pilled up gas bills on my credit card, money for parking, bills are coming up like a magician pulling a rabbit out of the hat.

By the way there was a lot of shame and guilt in cheating. Should I bring my wife onto this thread or start her own thread?

Your wife has a thread.

Yeah, sorry to say it was fairly obvious from the way you talk about women. When you start thinking it's ok to buy girls it changes you and how you come across.

How many of these women have any contact with you?

How many of these women's identities can you provide to your wife?

She already has her own thread; just ask her to come back.

Regarding your affair, tell us what has been done on this list and what is left to do:

From Surviving an Affair, pg 66-67

The extraordinary precautions do more than end marriage-threatening affairs; they help a couple form the kind of relationship they always wanted.

These recommendations may seem rigid, unnecessarily confining, and even paranoid to those who have not been the victim of infidelity. But people like Sue and Jon, who have suffered unimaginable pain as a result of an affair that spun out of control, can easily see their value. For the inconvenience of following my advice, Sue would have spared herself and Jon the very worst experience of their lives.

Checklist for How Affairs Should End

_____The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again.

_____The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP:

_____Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse).

_____Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).

_____Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).

_____Spend leisure time together.

_____Change jobs and relocate if necessary.

_____Avoid overnight separation.

_____Allow technical accountability.

_____Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends.

You need to expose ALL affairs. Sell the apartment and establish 100% financial transparency.

You are also a serial cheater. And a sugar daddy. It's no wonder you doubt your wife's ability to be attracted to you; you've been paying women for sex for years.

Yahoo, when you arrived, you presented yourself to everybody here as a betrayed husband who had recently learned that your wife was unfaithful.

Now the truth has come out that you are a lifelong philanderer.

You have really mistreated the volunteers here by abusing them in this manner.

Have you confessed everything to your wife?

Yahoo,

By this point I think you are just trolling us but on the off-hand chance that you aren't I'm going to say I think you are dead in the water without a polygraph or something to establish what the truth is to your wife. The narrative you've presented just in this thread is inconsistent enough that I can't take it seriously. I doubt your wife will either.

Sir,

I have read your thread and at this point I don't think you should remain married.
Dr. Harley has made it clear that posters are not allowed to recommend divorce so I suggest you email him directly for advice if you want his advice.
You have no value of marriage and his program is based on a system of mutual care and protection which you are unwilling to provide to your wife or family.
I think you are a danger to any woman and a terrible father.

right now I am putting a list together of all the affairs in order to demonstrate transparency. the list is coming along fine which includes my whereabouts 24/7.

Locked pending moderator review.