Thank you everyone for your help! Ciao

The credit card he ordered for his girlfriend came to my house. Long story short, he had taken me off of his account (mind you, I was his WIFE). A month later, a brand new Amex shows up in the mail, addressed to another woman. I was thinking that the mailman put something in my box for someone else, but nope, it was my address, and her name. I Googled her and saw that he and she were connected on Google+. Of course he denied denied denied and said, �If I wanted to add someone to my account, why would I have the card come to OUR house?� I said, �Cause you�re a dumb [censored] who probably didn�t realize that the card was going to go to the primary account holder�s address.� Of course, he still denied knowing her. So being the amazing detective that I am cause I grew up in the generation of Scooby-Doo and Inspector Gadget, I got into his Amex account and saw that he not only added her to his account, but he was spending a tremendous amount of money wooing her. He even took her �home� to meet his family last Thanksgiving. I saw the airline tickets he purchased when I was in his account. Oh and he took her to Vegas too� nice, right?

You contacted him about the credit card?
So you broke Plan B no contact?

Hopeless, you are really going to live up to your name unless you can stick to a plan. No contact WHATSOEVER in Plan B. You already knew he was cheating, why call him up for a chat about it?

You should have maintained Plan B until he was ready to adhere to the checklist for recovery. If he is not willing, you should reinstate Plan B.

How are you going to have a more integrated life where he is never away from you?

The minute Hopelessnworried logged off, Yahoo logged on. An IP-ban might be the apropriate solution for "their" problem.

It is so easy to blame our cheating spouses for their act of infidelity. And that�s true. They made the decision to betray, they made the decision to lie and deceive. That is on them. But the breakdown of the relationship is the responsibility of both parties. I could so easily point my finger and blame my husband for betraying me and making me feel like a fool. It was him who lied and went to great lengths to see her. It was him who spent hundreds of dollars, that we didn�t have, in order to fund his illicit affair. But what led him to even make that decision. What factor�s led him to think that was acceptable or justifiable behaviour? I could yell and scream at him because he never took the time to talk to me about how unhappy he was, how unsatisfied he was in our marriage, but I was still culpable in my actions whether I knew it or not. Ignorance does not excuse my behaviour anymore than it would in a court of law. I have to own my own part in this.

For a long time I have raged against the little �pop tart� that tried to steal my husband. I was angry that she tried to come between what we had built and that she tried to take my life away from me. But who is �she�? She is no one! She doesn�t know me. She doesn�t have an invested interest in our future of our family. She was a single girl who hadn�t experienced life yet, and had no clue what being in a real relationship really takes. She was only interested in feeling good here and now. She lingered around my husband because he was a great guy. He was kind and funny and charming and protective. All of the things that I love most about him are the things that could have caused me to lose him. It�s mind-boggling to comprehend. But the bottom line is that she is nothing. She was a temporary distraction for him when he was unsatisfied and when it came down to it, he left her as easily as he came to her. I read a blog a couple of nights ago that talked about how, as a betrayed wife, she needed to come to grips with the reality that her husband could have potentially truly loved this girl (the other woman). So I mustered up the courage and I asked my husband if he ever told her that he loved her. He admitted that he did, but he was also very quick to add that he had only �thought� he loved her. Now as a betrayed spouse, that can be the most difficult thing to hear. We run from that thought. But face it. Stare it straight in the face and come to grips with it. Where is your husband now? (I apologize to the ones right now who are facing divorce because their spouses did not come back, this is meant for my own circumstances where my husband did return to me and our family and other women like me) The fact that he came home is SIGNIFICANT! She, the �other woman� is not! She was forgettable. She was replaceable. She was disposable. She wasn�t worth the heartache or the trouble and she wasn�t worth more than YOU! I know it doesn�t feel that way�in fact it feels exactly the opposite. You feel like you were all of those things, but the fact that your husband was a coward and cheated rather than leave you means he didn�t want to hurt you, he just wanted to be selfish for a time. It actually had nothing to do with your self worth at all. By coming back to you, he is making a statement that you are worth everything. And make note of the good things he has done�counselling, hugging you while you cry, reading your blog, changing jobs, moving cities, changing social circles, allowing you access to everything, taking you on dates, hugging you, kissing you, making new memories with you, loving you. They seem like small things but in reality, they are everything. And she is NOTHING.

It�s a mindset shift to be sure. It is so difficult to think that anything good could ever come from infidelity, but when there is reconciliation and recommitment it can make you stronger and wiser, not only as a couple but as an individual. �It�s One Love, we get to share it�we get to carry each other, carry each other�� It�s easy to blame our spouses. It�s easy to blame the �her� in this equation. But we only get through this by carrying one another�The latter is not easy, but it can get easier the more we wake up each day and decide that to choose love is the better option. When we choose to live in pointing fingers and casting blame we actually continually allow the affair to rob us of the happiness we were deprived of to begin with. And then the �other woman� who is relatively insignificant becomes the only thing you think about, talk about, stress about. Who is SHE? She is NOTHING! And that isn�t just something I am saying to give you a new mantra to repeat, it�s the truth. She means NOTHING. She can�t take your place so stop letting her.

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