So, I had a friend tell me about this site and told me it helped him out tremendously to post on here, so I thought I would try. I am 42 and this is my second marriage. She is 30, so a big age gap. We have been married for 6 years and we got married because we got pregnant. Through our marriage it has been rocky but we have had good times as well. So, after about a year together I found that she was talking to another guy. She tried to lie about it, but I finally got the truth. She said it was never physical and all emotional. From that point I really had a hard time trusting,I would look at her phone bill, look at her phone until I finally stopped. Then it happened again, a friend of mine this time. Again she said it was emotional etc...well to keep this short it happened 4 times and we did go to counseling etc. the last 6 months I seen a change in her well it felt she was not in the marriage. I tried over and over. I would ask her, do you love me? She would say yes, I would so are you in love with me? She would say she was confused. I finally went to her and told her I was letting her go. She immediately moved to an apt at her dads house and that was 4 weeks ago. I sat down with her 3 weeks ago and told her I was fighting for this, that made her mad and she felt I was pressuring her. She said she thinks it is over but could change in a week. I left her alone until now and I am telling her we need to file. She now has become rude, and she is majorly playing a victim now. I am so confused because though out our marriage she has left 25 times at least but I always talked her into coming home. I guess it hurts because I truly gave all I had, and I failed. I cannot a believe the type of person she is, and all she talks about is money. She made my life a living hell because she would gripe that my 1st wife was money hungry etc...but now she doing the same. I am really hoping I can get through This soon. I have friends ask me if she has a border line personality disorder. Oh, the other kicker, she stopped going to counseling but she makes sure to remind me that I need to still go and reminds me of the appts...I would love y'all's thoughts on this

Hi Okieboy, welcome to Marriage Builders. It sounds like your wife has had several affairs and part of the reason it keeps happening is because your marriage never recovered from the first affair. Did your relationship begin as an affair? How did you meet?

Sir,
Unless your friends asking about her mental health are licensed psychiatrists, dont listen to them.

Okie a person in an affair is very confused, they talk and act like a drunk. Talking to her about the marriage and counselling is very unattractive and counterproductive. Counselling doesn't work anyway.

Be cheerful and pleasant towards her in person but an exposure to others will tackle the root cause of her attitude towards you- the affair. It will make her hopping mad but that's OK.

I'm curious how you met and if she ever had an affair with a married man in her past? Or her own marriage?

Well, I am ashamed to tell you she and I met while she was seeing another guy.

Another guy is not a big deal unless he was her husband?

Was she married at that time?

No it was her boyfriend of 4 years. Is that a pattern that she cannot be faithful? She is walking away and she doesn't want any money or anything from me.