And you followed up with Willard Harley on that?

You have told him and us that there is no hope for the marriage, and he is acting like there is no hope, and you are mad at him for it.

It looks to me like both of you are equally unable to determine when you are being disrespectful. You're not filtering out your disrespect any more than he is.

Your marriage cannot be recovered if you do not eliminate your lovebusters. You are just as disrespectful as the day you got here, and that has contributed to the demise of your marriage. Nothing has changed on your end.

Not at all, encouragement would be great. I'm just saying you don't have to if you wish to divorce.

Since you REFUSE to stop lovebusting, but rather, you continue to justify your abuse, then the only option we are left to recommend is divorce.

Continue with your divorce. Your marriage has no hope on this path you're insisting on.

Hogwash.

Drop the victim mentality. It's not cute OR productive.

And when you decide to follow the program, let us know.

Yep.

I will follow the program when he demonstrates that he has the ability to change. I believe at this stage of separation/divorce, my position is in-line with the Harley program, just like if he were having an affair or abusing drugs or looking at pornography. I've done plan A, very successfully. Now I'm proceeding with plan B. Getting out of plan B isn't contingent upon him SAYING he'll stop those behaviors but rather actually doing it.

If you're working to help Remark and need something from me, have him send me an email. I'm officially in plan B.

Your abuse of your husband will not be coddled here.

Abuse is not as innocent as red lipstick and a short skirt. To equate the two is a nasty move.

When are you going to eliminate your abuse?

If you are in Plan B, then he cannot email you.

Do you have an IM?

Is that a thoughtful request, a promise, or a demand?


I am very hurt by your attitude toward our help for you. I have spent HOURS of my personal time helping you both.

You have not looked for the truth in what any of us said. You are being argumentative, defensive and rude.

If you can't stop being quarrelsome and nagging, there is no hope for your marriage even if Remark is, as you so disrespectfully say, "capable". You BOTH are capable. And YOUR Taker sure knows how to destroy motivation. You've destroyed my motivation to help.

In my opinion, you guys won't succeed without doing the online program assignments and completing every single lesson assigned to you by your coach. They are PAID to help you learn these concepts. The coaches can hold you both indepently accountable. And you BOTH need lots of help and support.

I say the following, coming from a place of care. I know that you are hurting. I'm sorry that you feel victimized. I have been in your shoes and it stinks.

Please remember that you are in a supposed relationship of extraordinary care. YOU SHOULD BE attracting your husband and he is NOT a rapist.

It seems to me, that you are dueling dictators.

D2D




We understand that you have invested a great deal of your life in this marriage. It must be very frustrating for you that Remark does not seem to put in the effort and make saving your marriage your priority. This must seem like the ultimate betrayal, after what you have sacrificed over the years.�

The ball is in his court though, and you have made the decision that you are not in a position to make this marriage work all by yourself. Seeing him not doing the things he could do, is obviously frustrating. You can only work on your own side of the street and will be a better person for it.�


Ps�
Yesterday's radio show has a topic on sacrificing and why it is not a good idea.

I'm sorry, DQ, I know you've spent tons of time on us. You seem to be the only one still posting to Mark. At the same time, I feel like you're babysitting him, asking him if he has done specific tasks and not being at all bothered when he hasn't, even when it has been spelled out to him repeatedly. There's absolutely nothing appealing to me about that with doing the online program. At the same time, I get "see if you can find x somewhere in your post." "Edit your texts" seems a lot less nebulous and a lot more doable than "figure out how you're being disrespectful," yet he still isn't doing it, but I should bust my axx?

Your time wasn't wasted. I presume the thread will stay online for some time. If Remark ever REALLY gets on board, then I can reread it.

Did you write the Plan B letter?

My bad, so nevermind. No IM.

So you are not in Plan B.
To get there, you need to write the letter, cut off all avenues of contact, and get an IM.

JDtD, you are just as abusive as your husband.

Yes, I heard it. It sounded just like Remark. He has used the same argument as the writer, even since being all-in on the program. I'm not expecting/offering sacrifice, so I don't know why you're mentioning it to me.

Was yesterday's show the one with the H that had an affair with an old schoolmate? Also made me think of Remark and his current position that his was not an affair. I hear the radio programs but I don't discuss them with Remark. I'm not supposed to teach him. I almost find it more frustrating because I know he listens to them too.