My wife and I have been seperated for 3 months now. We were married for 25 years, notice I did not say happily. She chose to have an affair because i was not emotionally there for her. The affair is over, she has moved out of our residence, and we attend marriage counselling weekly. I am committed to her and our marriage but she only say's she is committed to the process. The process of seeing if we can work it out and come back together in a strong marriage. The question I have for forum users is..... How long should I wait? We talk daily and try to see each other a few times/week. Is this a good sign?

Hello, welcome to MB. Hopefully you and your wife will work together to recover your M through this program, and you can live out the rest of your lives together being happily married.

What prompted your wife moving out of your joint residence?

What has been completed on this checklist?

*****

From Surviving an Affair, pg 66-67

The extraordinary precautions do more than end marriage-threatening affairs; they help a couple form the kind of relationship they always wanted.

These recommendations may seem rigid, unnecessarily confining, and even paranoid to those who have not been the victim of infidelity. But people like Sue and Jon, who have suffered unimaginable pain as a result of an affair that spun out of control, can easily see their value. For the inconvenience of following my advice, Sue would have spared herself and Jon the very worst experience of their lives.


Checklist for How Affairs Should End

_____The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again.

_____The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP:

_____Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse).

_____Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).

_____Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).

_____Spend leisure time together.

_____Change jobs and relocate if necessary.

_____Avoid overnight separation.

_____Allow technical accountability.

_____ Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends.

Who is the OM?

Is he married?

The affair isnt over if she has moved out. It might very well be on hiatus while she uses a counsellor as a divorce facilitator. But I imagine if you were to snoop you'd find quite a lot of affair contact.

You've given her a respectable separation which is her golden ticket to a respectable new start with OM. There's nothing romantic about marriage counselling and its impossible to rebuild love when that's your only contact. Counsellors who don't insist their clients date or spend time romantically alone together have no clue about marital recovery.

However that's not what your wife is paying for. She is paying for an arena in which to pin the blame on you and attain a respectable divorce.

This is exactly what exposure is supposed to prevent.