OK Thanks. The pastor doesn't know about MarriageBuilders and Plan A and the benefits of Exposure to killing the affair. Are you asking the people in your church who you are talking to for their help to persuade your wife to end her affair? If you aren't doing that specifically, add that to your talks with those you talk to. "Can you please help me persuade my wife to end her affair with OM and let me work on our marriage?"

Some waywards try to introduce their affair partner to people in their lives after the breakup as New People. If you have exposed far and wide, your wife won't be able to do that.

Oh, and had you meant that your wife and the POSOM didn't like you talking about their affair, that would be wonderful! They are supposed to hate exposure. I hope they do hate it! Their breakup is the best thing for your marriage AND your kids.

I am not sure about POSOM, but my wife sure hates i keep exposing the affair.

Even know she is so far in the fog she believes its Gods will thy be together that anything that gets in the way makes her mad and not really slow her down.

I keep woundering how far she will go, i almost feel its going to be crash a burn.

I am worry about the kids, since she does not seem to want the responsibly of the kids. She keeps finding ways to escape.

2000 years ago, the Church of Corinth was unfamiliar with Dr. Harley and Marriage Builders also. They did not have access to the internet due to poor infrastructure.

Fortunately, they did have Paul the Apostle and when he learned that a member of the Church was engaging in sexual sins with his mother in law, he wrote and demanded they throw the man out of the Church.
In this case, if the Pastor of the Church doesn't know what to do or needs to read a website for advice on how to treat a member that is engaging in adultery i see little benefit of continued exposure to the Pastor.
This is basic Church Rules and the Bible and even today in remote areas of Africa where they have not heard of Dr. Harley churches can read the bible and know what sin is and how to deal with it.
i would assume this OM is a member of a liberal Church. Exposure usually isn't very effective with them.

What do you mean keep exposing the affair? Exposure is usually done in 24 hours and not mentioned again.

She will keep bringing it up, but don't engage with her.

Ron, that's what I wanted to know. Your wife doesn't like it. That means exposure was effective. Waywards want to sail through their affairs without anyone looking crosseyed at them. Some of them, like your wife, even try to bring G-d into it. They try to make something evil and destructive into a holy predestined thing approved of by G-d. You're doing just fine!

Interesting information about St. Paul. NT isn't my area of interest. Good to bring to your pastor, Ron Clark!

Sorry poor choice of words, i should have said it makes her mad that everywere she goes someone know about her filling for divorce and the affair.

This might be good news, the pasters,his step mom,and his dad had a meeting and had a long talk with the OM. The pastor so far keeping him accountable and there has been no contact between the OM and my wife as far as i can tell.
When talking to the pastor i asked if he would talk to the OM about writing a letter to state he has no intrested now or in the future in my wife. That the pastor and i approve of.
Not sure if it will help, but its worth a shot i figured bassed on what Doc, Harley said about a wayward spouse.

Right know my wife wants little to do with me and is still heading for divorce.
I am hoping she will come around, i keep praying all day.

I loved Jedi Knight explanation of first of the church of Corinth. I got a much needed laught, but point well taken.

Oh, i have not seen my book from Doc, Harley yet. How long does it normal take to receive it?

Her being mad about being exposed is normal, the social awkwardness that bothers her is precisely the intended result of exposure. It's accountability for her actions that she hadn't been dealing with before and it will help persuade her to stop in ways that you can't right now because she is withdrawn from you.

VERY good that the church is stepping up and getting involved with applying pressure to the affair.

Keep up Plan A, this is the toughest part of this process. Now that you've exposed you've got to work on creating a contrast between life with you and life with OM, and you've already made life with OM much less attractive than it was before exposure.

Now you need to make sure life with you looks really good. Divorce paperwork is not the same as a finalized divorce, and while I know it must be very discouraging, it's just the beginning of a process that is not at all a quick one. You still have time here.

I think the hardest thing right now, is her seething anger toward me. And always talking ro me and the 10year old in anger

What can I do to make life with me look really good?
Listening to Doc Harley today it seems it's almost impossible to make love bank deposits when a woman is not emotional connected to the man.

It's hard to not feel like it's a impossible up hill climb.

Good question, Ron Clark.
Begin by taking care of yourself. If you have been casual about grooming, step it up! Always look and smell good. If you've acted like a Sad Sack, act confident and cheerful. Like your life is really good. Droopy people are not as interesting or attractive as confident, happy positive people. Continue being an excellent Dad to your children.

Schedule trips to the park with all the kids and strengthen your bonds with them. Oh, and Document. Start a hand-written journal. Write down all the time you have the children. Write down all her visits with the children. If they disclose things about the visits, the OM, and whether your wife has farmed them out to other people while she has them, be sure to include all of that in the journal. [Which you will keep carefully tucked away where the kids aren't likely to pull it out and play with it. Kids are buggers about finding our hidden stashes of adult goodies.]

If your wife doesn't come out of the fog, you will have ammo for a custody battle. You are the better parent, and your number one job is to protect the children.

AND DO NOT FLIRT OR DATE. YOU ARE STILL MARRIED. You are the total package. Your fidelity and excellent parenting are very very attractive to a lot of women. Even if you think the marriage is kaput, don't even think about it! An affair or opposite sex friendship will be bad for your children.

I been trying to do extra stuff around the house,offering to get her stuff, which see seems to hate. my co-working invited me to the gym so i am going to take him up on that offer.

I have started a journal with stuff she doing, that a good idea to put in what i am doing with the kids.

I dont even know how to flirt so that is out, from time to time i start to think should i just give up and move on, but i cant all i want is my wife and no one else. no one else even compares in my option. so i am not going up.

So over the weekend i get out of her she is no longer in love, and wanted to me sign the divorce papers to make her happy and cried on the bed for a few hours, i tried to comfort her but she just pulls away.
Oh yeah she had not interest in seeing a counselor until the divorce is don't and then we can work on are friendship and the kids.
I have not idea here her head is at.

interesting to what lengths she will go to get something, she is trying to buy a car. since none of the utility bills are in her name she decided to falsifying one to give to the dealer.
she even go as far as to ask me to co-sign at are Credit union, i need to do this again to make her and the bank happy. The car is 12 years old and the credit union only loans on 10 and newer so i have not idea what thy send to them.
so,my wife tells me since thy could have know better than to sell her a car she cant get a loan on, and she cant get a co-signer she no going to bother to bring the car back thy can come get if thy want it.
I guess there goes her $1000 down payment and what ever else thy want to charge her.

Oh yeah, she been asking everyone to co-sign, even a few neighbors.

what is she thinking or where is she at? one of my friends asked if she was on drugs.

I dont even know how she would make it on her own, her job does not pay enough for rent, car, and child care

Oh my wife did that once.
went to a dealership and they let her drive it home and said, Have your husband sign the papers tomorrow.
I drove it back to them the next day and bad mouth the dealership every chance i get now.

Ron Clark, your wife is on a drug. It's "POSOM and extra-marital affair." She craves it like heroin. The pure and holy marriage and family sickens her and it will disgust her until she withdraws from the affair. Funny she asked YOU to co-sign with her to buy the car. Why did she not ask POSOM to co-sign with her? After all, they have a future together. G-d wants them to be together.

Co-signing for a car to help her in any way was not a good Emotional Need to meet. So you were right to refuse. She is temporarily crazy. She sat on the bed and cried? Good. And you were there for her? Good. She will remember that when POSOM shows his true colors.

The affair is crumbling. Stay the course. She cannot love you right now because POSOM is meeting some of her Emotional Needs. You are showing courage. Glad you are taking care of yourself. Oh, and by the way, flirty men are not sexy. Real men (you) are sexy!! Go John Wayne!

Thanks for the encouraging words.

What you say about her hating family makes since because she likes dumping the kids on me and running away, treats the oldest pretty bad. I could not figure it out what did the kids do to her to deserve this kinds of treatment.

Oh the reasen the POSOM. cant sign is he has not had a job in 12 years from what i can fine out. he lost his drivers license dp to a DUI and a Class A misdemeanor.

when she was there crying about the car and wanting me to sign divorce papers, i tryed to hold her hand and she pulled away like i was attacking her.

I am glad to hear things are starting to crumble, its a matter of waiting i guess.

I guess she is feeling alot of guilt or something, because snooping has revealed she wants to attend another church.

I am in the fight for the long hall, i guess all i can do is hunker down, wait and try to be a shinning light.

Dealership is not the right work for this place. There are scum and pray on desperate buyers and selling cars that have no business being on the road. A buy here pay here scum of a car dealer charging 29.99% interest, like i said scum low lifes.

I think you said you exposed the affair to the church? Is there some reason the pastor has not called them out in the middle of Sunday service?

Does everyone in the church know?

Churches rarely do that now.
My pastor told me that the insurer tells them not to.
They often will address it but quietly and in house.

No there not going to do that, I would love it if thy did and I think thy should.

The people at church that knows are the pastor's, elders, his parents, and a guy that came over and prayed for me cus he saw I was troubled.

A very important Christian author, C.S. Lewis, wrote a short book entitled The Screwtape Letters. Screwtape was a devil in training, answered to Satan but I don't think Lewis used the name of Satan. Screwtape was charged with corrupting a young man away from Christianity to Sin.

The corruption started small. The Boss (Satan) told Screwtape to help the young man along by helping him to think it wasn't important to say unpleasant things about biblical values, and to hang around with people who enjoyed poking fun at Christian virtues and values.

It started small with your wife too. She probably told herself it didn't matter if she had an innocent, platonic friendship with the POSOM. She had a right to her freedom. She believed that she wasn't taking anything away from her family and her husband. She let herself believe that the soul is a fairy tale.

Screwtape talked about how the young man was tempted away from his modern, sophisticated friends by a good young Christian girl. Screwtape mentioned how the odor of holiness stunk up everyone in the household, even to the gardener and the maids. Screwtape was disgusted.

The young man became more Christian all the time and dropped his atheistic worldly friends.

The reverse can happen to people too.

Stay strong.