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Joined: Jun 2015
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Joined: Jun 2015
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My husband and I had a private conversation via text,he passed a comment that offended me and like we always do ,I made him know what I felt about his comment.I snooped on his phone and realized that he had discussed our issue with a friend of his ,a female.How should I handle this .it upsets me and I feel betrayed.
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Joined: Apr 2012
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You should feel upset, it shows that your husband has very poor boundaries if he is discussing marital issues with an OS friend. You should also feel threatened by this behavior because it is a path to an affair.
Dr Harley does not believe that married couple should have friends of the opposite sex because it is such risky behavior and could easily lead to an affair.
Have you done any further snooping to see if there is more to this friendship? You should quietly do so.
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Joined: Apr 2012
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Do you have access to his phone and other forms of communication, social media, etc?
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Joined: Jun 2015
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OP
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I have access to his phone ,not other forms of social media.this is a childhood friend that I know but she is not my friend .they seem to be very close although she is engaged to someoneelse.I have expressed to him that I was uncomfortable with their friendship in the past but it seems to continue.Because I snooped and found this ,I dont know how to bring it up and discuss it with him .I checked again and relized that he had deleted some of the discussion he had forwarded to her .He probably thing I found out.
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Joined: Nov 2011
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I have access to his phone ,not other forms of social media.this is a childhood friend that I know but she is not my friend .they seem to be very close although she is engaged to someoneelse.I have expressed to him that I was uncomfortable with their friendship in the past but it seems to continue.Because I snooped and found this ,I dont know how to bring it up and discuss it with him .I checked again and relized that he had deleted some of the discussion he had forwarded to her .He probably thing I found out. At this point, you should install spyware on his phone and social media to determine if he is having an affair with her (emotional or physical).
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Joined: Jun 2015
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he is a tech guru and he would know .she is in a different state so i can see the emotional afair not the physical.i want to discuss this with him but I am not sure how to go about it .my dilema
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Joined: Nov 2011
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he is a tech guru and he would know .she is in a different state so i can see the emotional afair not the physical.i want to discuss this with him but I am not sure how to go about it .my dilema Well, you need to find out if he is having an affair. How far away does she live? People can fly into town to have sex.
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Joined: Jul 2001
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What about introducing Marriage Builders to him as a way to strengthen your marriage?
Buy the book Fall in Love / Stay in Love.
Discuss the topics one by one - and you will have the opportunity to bring up OS friendships!
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Joined: Apr 2012
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he is a tech guru and he would know .she is in a different state so i can see the emotional afair not the physical.i want to discuss this with him but I am not sure how to go about it .my dilema You need to rule out an affair first. If he is having an affair with her, emotional or physical, than discussing it will just make him realize he needs to hide it more. People who have nothing to hide from their spouse, hide nothing. They do not have protected social media and delete texts to cover their tracks.
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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,788 Likes: 2
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he is a tech guru and he would know .she is in a different state so i can see the emotional afair not the physical.i want to discuss this with him but I am not sure how to go about it .my dilema I'm a tech guru too and can tell you that he would not know if you snoop intelligently. We have a forum where this is discussed. Most important not to alert him that you are snooping otherwise he will stop using social media and switch to a burner phone.
3 adult children
Divorced - he was a serial adulterer
Now remarried, thank you MB
(formerly lied_to_again)
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I agree with the others, it is unlikely he would detect a spyware on his phone if you chose a good one like the ones recommended here. I work in IT security so I have a fair bit of experience with malicious software.
There are several ITs on this forum, we can help you find a good solution to use here.
Happily remarried to wonderful woman who I found using the guidelines in "Buyers, Renters, Freeloaders" 2 baby boys, working on #3 and couldn't ask for anything more. When my ex's affair happened: BH 28, Ex-WW:29 Married: 7 years Together: 8 years D-day: 10/5/2014 D filed: 1/22/2015 D Final: 6/4/2015 My story
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