They have ALREADY created a fiasco. You are just informing people why everything is going to tell in a handbasket.

1. There is no conscience with affair partners. They will laugh at you or worse tell you what you want to hear and the affair will go underground.

2. There is no way to protect anyone from this mess.

3. Exposure is far and wide, NO EXCEPTIONS. If it is a workplace affair, consider yourself lucky from exposure point of view.



I was just like you scared/worried about rocking the boat, hurting people, financial risk, etc.

I wish someone would have kicked me in the butt and told me to -"MAN UP!"

If you are interested in saving your marriage, you need to expose the affair to friends, family, OM's family and the workplace. You don't need to "expose" to the OM because he already knows he is having an affair with your wife.

Affairs thrive on secrecy, so keeping it a secret only serves to enable the affair. We are not asking you to "hurt" her family, but to expose the affair to them and ask for their assistance. IT is the affair that hurts people, not the exposure of the affair. Exposure is therapeutic.

If you won't expose the affair, there is nothing we can do to help you because this will be hopeless.

Of course not. His "conscience" is not the problem. The problem is his affair with your wife. If he were following his conscience, then obviously he would not be having an affair.


Yes, you do. AFTER YOU HAVE EXPOSED THE AFFAIR.


No, there is a right way of doing this. We are not giving you our little "opinions;" we are giving you advice that comes from Dr. Bill Harley, clinical psychologist and author of Surviving an Affair. He has been saving marriages from infidelity for 45 years. The steps we are giving you are from him.

Please stop shopping for opinions. It will just confuse you.

The financial impact of DIVORCE will be devastating. Take your pick. Your marriage will never ever recover unless she leaves that job. You will be divorced.

So take your pick. Divorce or marriage? You won't get much benefit from her job if you are divorced, because you will be competing with the OM for her income. And she will strive to make sure you get NONE.

Your desire to appeal to the infidels sense of right and wrong will not work. You are greatly underestimating the addictive nature of affairs.

If you found out your wife was addicted to drugs, would you meet with her or her dealer and appeal to them to just stop because it is wrong? No, because you know that their addiction doesn't care about right and wrong. It cares about getting a fix.

If she were addicted to drugs, would you hide this from friends and family? Would you sit around and watch her throw her life away without asking for their help and support? No, you would not, unless you care more about appearances than your wife.

Affairs are addictions.

Well said, I'll have to remember that example

This concern comes up so much as an excuse not to expose that I wanted to point this out:

You are considering a false dichotomy when you look at the situation this way. It is false because one of the two outcomes you are anticipating is an illusion.

It is true that if your exposure results in her termination, she will lose (at least temporarily) her income. That outcome is real.

But it is not true that her income will continue to support you/your household indefinitely if you do not expose the affair. That outcome is an illusion.

It was true in the past, perhaps, but the presence of an affair shatters the stability of her income. If your marriage ends, her income leaves with her. And your marriage is in serious peril as long as this affair continues.

Someone with a serious tumor worries more about getting it removed and killing the cancer than they do about scar tissue and surgical complications.

You need to worry about killing the affair if her income is important to your household. Your marriage (and not her job) is what legally entitles you to her income. She could double her income and if you're divorced you won't see a red cent of it.

Also, you need to realize this situation is not a polite, civil matter. When you talk to OM, you won't be asking him anything or he will laugh in your face. You need to MAKE DEMANDS and help him understand that he just stepped in a bear trap from hell. A strong exposure will help him understand you mean business.

This situation is not something either your wife or her affair partner gently wandered into, even though so many wish to see it that way because they are in denial about the glaring character flaws in their wayward spouse. The whole process starts with completely inappropriate boundaries and you need to understand that is a slap in your face and needs to be treated as such.

Your response here needs to be shock and awe. Fast, surgical and overwhelming. The people you are dealing with (your WW and her OM) are not capable of addressing this situation rationally or else they wouldn't be doing it or continuing it. Don't expect to be able to appeal to their reason. Instead, focus on slamming all of the doors shut that enable their affair.

We can help you do that.

I have read many threads on infidelity. Lots of people regret not having exposed sooner or that they didn't fully expose. I just finished reading the thread of a woman who "protected" her daughters from the knowledge of affairs with several OW. Her WH is now living with OW6 and the girls are under the impression this started after the marriage had already failed.

I never came across a betrayed spouse that regretted exposure.

I hope you expose full and wide, so you won't have any regrets. After exposure healing can begin.

Well last night, i told the parents and sisters of my wife. I asked for their support.
The wife caught me on her phone and so I confronted her. She admitted it. But later in the night, her family turned against me. I know this is the "Fallout" stage. I have not shown any of them the proof I have. My wife wants to see my proof. I know I shouldn't show it. But I think if I show her a couple of the most devastating texts and not everything I have, that will help her realize I really know. Last night was the hardest thing in my life.

There is no need to show her, she has already seen (and/or written) it. The only reason for her to see your proof is to know what story she has to make up. She probably already lied to her family to make you look like the bad guy.

Don't trickle expose, but expose to everybody now. Exposure is most effective if it is done all at once. For your own good, don't hold back.

I have exposed it to everyone that is of influence in our life. I will tell her i had them deleted.

Have you contacted the OM wife and kids?

No I have not.

OM's wife is the most important exposure target. It is cruel to keep this information from her, she has the right to know. And she will be the most important influence on the OM's side to ending this affair.

What is your reason for not exposing to her?

You need to expose all at once, this trickle exposure is giving them time to spin their stories.

Posted to you yesterday.

Why are you ignoring this advice?

Trickle exposure is not effective. All you are doing is pissing off the infidels and giving them a chance to spin their stories and get to people before you do.

Oh my goodness....

You need to set aside your own ideas of who has "influence" and listen to us, since we have seen this scenario play out hundreds, if not thousands of times.

Did you see how long MelodyLane has been posting here? She helped my sister kill her H's affair back in 2009 (including workplace and OW family/friend exposure on FB) and they are happily recovered today.

It pains me to see BS's divert from the exposure plan in the hopes of appealing to a fogged out wayward....by doing a little trickle exposure at a time. which NEVER works.

Sigh.

Your WW wanting "proof" is completely unimportant at this point. She is the equivalent of a crackhead and her fogged out rants should be ignored. Do NOT engage her in these types of conversations and arguments.

While she is actively involved in her affair - there is no reasoning with her to do the right thing. Don't you understand that yet?

You should have used the time finishing your exposures.....