I just remember that you moved recently. Can you go home to your family? It would be good for you to be surrounded by a support system.

Thanks for the encouragement!

We talked for hrs about what has to change (this was before I read your advice lol). That night he walked to a store a couple miles away (I track him on gps through his phone) while talking to his mom. He has stated he wont play video games when the kids are awake. He's kept his AO's to a minimum and requested for me to review my needs and send it through email.

Everything he's done since he returned is like the old BT.

This morning we found out I'm pregnant again, this wasnt planned at all. We were actually doing everything we should to prevent it from happening. He's beyond happy while I'm in complete shock.

I dont even know what to do now.

What type of birth control were you using?

Could it be that he has sabotaged birth control?
Abusive men are known to do this to keep you/ get you off their back/ control you.

It sounds like you are accepting crumbs.

If you set the bar low, that is all you can expect.

Are you enthusiastic about him playing as long as the kids are in bed? If you are not enthusiastic about him playing video games, he should not do it.

He should not EVER have AO's. "At a minimum" is setting the bar low, it should not be acceptable period.

"Talking for hours" and "reviewing my EN's" equals throw her crumbs to get her to stay. It does not equal *change.*

You need to stay on the same course regardless of pregnancy, or any "talk" sessions.
Write a plan B letter detailing what you need in order to recover.
#1 is always an end to all AO
I think it will be good for you to see what all you need.

Call your family - please do not try to handle this alone- call them & tell them all thats going on & ask for their help. Then make plans to get back there.
If he wants to save your marriage- he will do what it takes to win you back, he will move, take classes, work hard etc for you.
Talk is cheap- action is everything!

It is quite normal for an man with AO issues to go back and forth between being kind and sweet, to letting you have it. Markos used to do that with me. He'd have AO after AO, then all of the sudden he was back to being the man I fell in love with. I would breathe a sigh of relief, only to have him start the AOs all over again.

Don't let down your guard. With a new baby coming on the scene, the stresses in your life are going to go up. The temptation for him to AO is going to go up.

He needs to eliminate those now if he wants to have any future with you. And if he's really serious about keeping you, he will go to the ends of the earth to do what it takes to eliminate them.

Don't let the pregnancy news distract you. You still need to set the bar high. The AOs end now, or he loses you for good.

Have you told your family about all this? Have you told his?

Keeping AOs to a minimum is not good enough. They need to be eliminated altogether.

After we had been in Marriage Builders for nearly 3 years, I finally kicked markos out of the house because of his AOs. It's one of the best things I ever did for our marriage. He had to eliminate his AOs before I let him home (not minimize them), and even today he knows that if he has an AO I will not put up with it. I refuse to live that way.

ETA: I know how it feels when you have small children and you are contemplating separating. I had 6 young ones when I kicked markos out. But it ended up being the best thing for them -- markos shaped up, and we ended up with a great marriage as a result. But even if markos had refused to stop his abuse so that he could come home, the kids would still have been better off. It is better for them to live in separated situation where they have peace at home, rather than in a home with a parent that abuses the other. YOU will be in a far more better place to care for them when you can be emotionally at peace.

I'm pregnant right now too, btw. And if markos were to come in here right now and blow up at me over something, the locks would be changed and he'd be gone. I'm not going to put up with that, especially while pregnant.

Congratulations on the pregnancy Prisca and Marcos!