Hi, I am feeling like my relationship is pretty much over. We are not actually married, but have been together for a long time - 30yrs. I do not necessarily want it to be over, but feel it is the only way I will regain my sanity. My partner is Passive-Aggressive and has been since a young child. He does not even recognise what he does as PA, he operates on autopilot. He does not want to go, but I don't know what else to do. Has anyone successfully helped a PA partner to overcome this? I have tried things in the boomerang post - ie, explaining the effect of his actions, how I feel, calling him on PA wording / evasion / behaviour for years, and nothing has helped us. He freezes, lies, evades more, half truths, etc. It would be such a shame to give up after all these years, we like and love each other, but living with a PA is not something I can do much longer. It has all ground me down so.

Since you are not married, this is in the wrong forum. You should be in the Dating/Relationships forum.

What is PA?

Thanks for your help. PA is explained in my original post.

You could have just as easily answered the posters question, rather than refer them to your original post.

In your terms, PA stands for Passive Aggressive, right?

Well, wasn't your own response in the same vein?

Firstly, this Entire Forum follows Dr. Harleys MB Philosophy. You need to read his book, or at minimum, the topic thread called, "Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders".

1st Question?

Why have the two of you never made your relationship officially recognized by getting Married, spanning a 30 year time frame?

2nd Question?

Do you have any Children together and if so, what are their ages and sexes?

Please, read Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders. It will save so much time regarding advice you seek.

LTL

Thank you for the advice - I will read that. My response was not pa. As to the marriage question - I never understood why it was important. I understand that some people get a sense of security, wholeness, etc from being married, but I never could apply it to myself. Especially if you have religious faith, which we don't. The wedding ceremony is not a thing I ever wanted. I would be a hypocrite if I did. The modern ideals of a 'marriage', however, I am all for. I do not believe you should need a ceremony to be a successful and happy couple. Each to their own, to their own beliefs.
I will read the article, and apologies if this is a site I don't fit in with. I should have read more about it before joining and posting. My bad, will rectify it. I was, I admit, particularly unhappy when I posted, so just reached out rather than doing what I would have when calmer.

It sounds like you have been doing a lot of educating him. You have even given him a label. This is a Disrespectful Judgement. Instead of labeling him 'PA' and educating him on his PA behavior, you should be instead simply saying 'it bothers me when you (insert specific behavior)' each time he does it. This is making a complaint, without judging him and labeling him and trying to educate him on a better way to think.

Have you seen this? Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders