From reading through this thread, it seems you never identified what was going on with other women, because you could not get the keylogger to work properly. You disappeared from the site last year without ever clearing this up. You had numerous other complaints about your H, too.

Now it seems that, since you've been away, you've had a baby who is a year old (congratulations). You must have been almost due to have the baby while you were posting here. It's odd that you didn't mention that then.

And now the angry outbursts and disrespectful judgements have returned. Are you still on a break from your husband? Does that mean you are not living together? Which one of you moved out, and where to?

You can't do the MB online course on your own. It is a course for couples. You must both do the lessons each week and report your progress to your coach.

Is your husband having an affair?

At this stage in my marriage where there is verbal and emotional abuse, where it keeps coming back, I no longer want to find out if he chooses to use his anger as a reason to spent his time disconnecting with me than connecting every three months. 3 months back, I was able to gain my parents support and left. My mistake was that I went back to try it again after a month, when feeling guilty that I'm the reason my baby is away from her father. This time I'm thinking more about the affect on me.

With plenty of changes with a growing baby taking all my energy he starts independent behavior before I'm aware of it developing into anger. She turned one yesterday.

Have you read this? What to Do with an Angry Husband

Is he still with OW?

Good steps to take while preparing to stay away from him for a year.
Right now again he is spending all his day, 6am to 6pm w his mother. The remaining weekend is at his other job that I confirmed. No responsibility for baby, or even remembering to buy her diapers. Simple things like if he can't provide emotionally for me then I can't depend on him. I'm 100% sure he knows that.

He isn't thinking. He drives 40miles everyday one way to see his mother and take her to hospital occasionally for check ups or stay home w her. And all at cost of time w his daughter. I went back 3mnths back, thinking that he can spend time w her and it can bring us closer. At first it was fine and then 3 weeks back, he behaved as if he will spend time with her and be verbally abusive to me.

Are you planning to stay separated for a year, and are you asking what changes you can look for in order to go back after that time?

You should be looking for a complete change in his behaviour, including dating you, and spending time with his daughter. These are separate activities, and each should be done by him for at least 15 hours per week.

He must complete and pass an anger management training course. He should look for a course that teaches him to relax in the face of annoying and frustrating situations. He should get a bio-feedback device that measure his responses to annoying situations.

If the time he spends with his mother is an on-going problem, that would need to be dealt with before you reunited, as would any other behaviour that has a bad effect on your marriage.

Because he still seems to have a secret second life, and because he goes back to his abusive behaviour soon after you reunite with him, I would ask him to sign up for the online course, and then you can take Dr Harley's advice on whether he is safe to move back to.

He needs to agree to do all these things NOW. He would sign up to the anger management and MB courses NOW. It will take a year for you to be able to see long-term changes in his behaviour.

This has been going on for years.
i think you are making a good decision in separation.
You may need to consider plan B

Good decision for sure, if he will ever change and all the family members being hurt. His mother, my parents, daughter n first of all me.
The thing is if I ask him to sign up, I'm the one again suggesting a solution to him. And in a way willing to fix first again.
I try to go to the apartment in the afternoon when he is w his mother. And if we clean up the apartment, it's time for us move in November, once the lease is up.

Are you going into Plan B?

bh
I've been meaning to update. It's been tough adjusting at my parents place again since the last weekend. This was like the last time when i came to stay with them.
My mother has issues with my daughter's toys and has issues when her place gets messy. Today she went ahead n said that I can't have everything in her house revolve around me or the baby.
I don't think I'm doing anything like that when depending on others for support, is it even possible to have 100% support? Should I be looking at the give n take?

Your mother has the right to ask that, if you live with her, you and your daughter respect the way she wants to live. It is a good thing that you had somewhere else to go when you needed to get away from your H's abuse and possible affair, and in your shoes, I would do all I could not to upset your mother, and to enable the situation to continue long term. The last thing you want to do is feel forced to move back to your husband, without any changes from him.

If you cannot be tidy at your mother's house, because of the baby, and if you find it impossible not to have "everything in the house revolve around you or the baby", you will need to make arrangements to live somewhere else. Is there any alternative accommodation you could afford?

Unless she dislikes you and is nasty to you, your mother IS being supportive by giving you somewhere to live, and probably helping you with your daughter. However, I do think you need to fit in with her way of life, as much as possible, or leave.

Now I've been at my parents for a month and 20 days. He did initiate text message but just to ask how our daughter is doing. He is not agreeing to counseling. I've trying to explain to him that we will need it to resolve the issues but he has not agreed. Are there some resources from Dr. Harley where he helps the other spouse to agree to get counseling help?
Yesterday was the first day he agreed to come to see our daughter at the child care I take her so see can play. He wants to meet again today and tomorrow evening to take her to the park.

The other issues is he refuses to come to my parent's place (where we are now) to see our daughter. Not sure why but partly he thinks he is being manipulated by them to ask for forgiveness.

SugarCane Thanks, we have tried to adjusting much more now with my mother. There might some issues of living with parents, now as an adult.

So you aren't in Plan B? What Plan are you in?

Please read this. False Recovery-Need Voices of Experience

Also this BSs.....Plan C is not a Plan

BH
I want to be in PlanB. Should requesting to get counseling, be part of Plan B? or plan A?
Do people go back to Plan A from the stage I'm in? Are you aware of somewhere on MB where its explained how Dr. Harley convinces the spouse to get counseling.
You are correct, i'm in PlanC. I'll try to read up on this tonight. And hoping I don't have to meet him at the park with my daughter in the next half hour.

In your Plan B Letter is where you put your conditions of recovery. Did you give him a Plan B letter?

From Surviving an Affair, pg 66-67

The extraordinary precautions do more than end marriage-threatening affairs; they help a couple form the kind of relationship they always wanted.

These recommendations may seem rigid, unnecessarily confining, and even paranoid to those who have not been the victim of infidelity. But people like Sue and Jon, who have suffered unimaginable pain as a result of an affair that spun out of control, can easily see their value. For the inconvenience of following my advice, Sue would have spared herself and Jon the very worst experience of their lives.


Checklist for How Affairs Should End

_____The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover AP (affair partner) again.

_____The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the AP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the AP:

_____Block potential communication with the AP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse).

_____Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).

_____Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).

_____Spend leisure time together.

_____Change jobs and relocate if necessary.

_____Avoid overnight separation.

_____Allow technical accountability.

_____ Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends.

No I did not give him a PlanB letter or email because he disregards emails or has in the past. I came to my parents a month and half back after a bad angry outburst.
This evening he wants me and my daughter to meet him at the park near our apartment. I had assumed he would come near the park at my parents house. This feels mentally draining after a long day with the day itself. It feels more convenient to just stay the night at the apartment with him, if I'm going to take my daughter to the park near the apartment.
My mother advises me this evening that I need to be flexible if I want this to work. Im lost between the PlanA, B and C and the independent behavior.
I could ask for access to his phone account online later if I stay at the apartment tonight.

You posted this 2 years ago.
Do you see a cycle here?
You run off to your parents, talk about making demands, give in and return.
This can go on for 25 years or you can stop it now.
Right now he want a you to come by the apartment and you are ready to spend the night again.