goody2shoes,

That I want our marriage to survive and thrive despite our differences. That I am committed despite her perceptions. That I don't have anyone else in my sights as she seems to think.

Thanks,
Remark

x2


Except for being extremely conscious of what you are saying to make sure you are avoiding LB's, I would be more focused on your actions than your words. Your words basically mean nothing to her at this point. By repeating the same thing over and over to her but doing the opposite, you have basically become the boy who cries wolf. If you want to convince her you mean what you say you are going to have to show her, and you do that by making big time deposits in her love bank, avoiding all LB's and putting her first 100% of the time. Less talk, more action.

This is great,Remark.
Thanks for reassuring us.

What specific actions are you taking to make this happen?

Have you completed your written plan and discussed it with Steve Harley? Have you scheduled with him?

Do you consistently share your willingness and invite your wife to join you in the online coaching program?

The only way to make your statement true is for YOU to put your differences aside and allow NO PERSON or ACTIVITY or THING to come between you and her.

Has she told you that something is a problem for her? Then drop the person, activity or thing.

If you re-approach the topic, your marriage CAN'T survive or thrive because you are inviting people, activities or things to come between you.

It is not just her PERCEPTION, it is REALITY.

When she recovers from her hurt, she will have the good will to approach this topic and she will bring it up. Until then, don't approach it and don't discuss it.

Why not focus on helping her heal?

Hey Remark-
Have you thought about my latest posts to you?

Have you been able to take some positive steps?

deleting double posting.

Remark,

you have had enough time to settle in your new position, so that I presume that you have more time now.
Would you go back to giving us daily updates on your attempts at love bank deposits and your failures.
You may also report on which of your actions resonated well with JDTD.

Your last post was 9 days ago.
Daily posting after listening to the radio show would be a good habit.

Earth calling Remark...

Remark, we would love to hear about all the wonderful things you are doing to help your wife fall back in romantic love with you. How about an update?

It'd be nice to hear an update from you, doesnt_want_me.

You are so right Prisca, I'll post one now!

Remark, are you dating someone other than your wife? Is that why you aren't posting?

All,

No, I am not dating anyone else. I'd love to date my wife. I am desperately lonely as I know she is.

Our conversations seem fewer but long, unproductive and unpleasant. Instead of JD2D being my favorite person to do anything with, I have become more comfortable lonely not in her presence, than being lonely and feel despised in her presence. And, I dread conversations with her. I know her conversations, though unpleasant are her attempt to "reconcile". But they are so unproductive, and critical of me that I prefer being alone in my condo. I know I have a "plank in my eye. I don't need to hear about it so much. Most of our time is supposed to be pleasant. I literally get uncomfortable and sweaty when we talk. I am definitely NOT saying she is an "unreasonable cow". I am saying it's hard to imagine 15 hours a week when so much of our conversations now are about my "plank".

She also says I am a terrible communicator when I do attempt to communicate.

Her solution is to have no more conversations. I know no conversation is a recipe for failure. I know all negative conversation is a recipe for disaster as well. We cannot seem to find a balance where we enjoy each other, and spend enough time on problems to solve them. Any advice on this topic?

But, I have no real news to tell anyway. I know you would not approve of some of my activity where I went to visit my parents and brother who fixed my three bad teeth saving me $$$$, the weekend before last.

I continue to listen to the show everyday. Today's was very good. I related to the caller's husband who makes promises but wife doesn't see long term improvement. Dr H presented three "theories" on the husband. Motivation, passive aggressive, and a third one. I related not because I get angry or passive aggressive, but because I can commit to something ( like doing the grocery shopping [the example on the show]) but even after doing it for a couple or three weeks, forget about it for some unknown reason. The reason, in my case, is not because I didn't intend to do what I committed to. It's more likely that it got much more difficult than it seemed when I committed to doing it.

Anyway, that's where things are with us.

Thanks,
Remark

I'm glad you're not dating someone else. an IRL male accountability partner help you to avoid such a thing. You are very vulnerable.

How can you get around forgetting? What are your coping mechanisms?

Apples,

I have adult children and two grandsons to spend time with (I am not discussing JD2D with them, I need to be clear).

I have Cardinals baseball during this, the baseball season. (:-)

I have work.

I have MB Radio.

Thanks, Remark

BTW,

What exactly did you mean by IRL male accountability partner?

The IRL is throwing me.

Thanks,
Remark

IRL= In Real Life

How much love units did you lose while saving $$$? Was it worth it?

Reposting some advice for you:

Thanks