Yes, you are ignoring your own behavior. Whenever your lovebusters are brought up, you argue with the board and deflect everything back to Remark.

WE KNOW what Steve and Dr. Harley says. We have spent countless hours and thousands of dollars under the tutelage of both. You're not going to convince us that Steve gave you a pass for your lovebusting.

I am very concerned that you refuse to stop your lovebusting and continue to deflect and argue when it is brought up.

There must be some reason why Steve did not tell you to love bust your husband, huh?


We are more concerned with your punishing behavior towards your husband. Your H chose not to do the exercise. You need to accept that and move on. The fact that he didn't do it does not entitle you to be a bully.

The solution is to tell your husband how you feel and then DROP IT. Don't keep harping on it.

It's simple:

If you want to divorce Remark for not doing what Steve told him to do, I support you in that.

If you want to be demanding, disrespectful, or angry toward Remark for this, I do not support you in that. Even if you don't understand how you are being demanding, disrespectful, or angry.

When we mention your demands, disrespect, or anger and you try to change the subject back to what Remark is or is not doing, we don't support you in that. I hate to get psychobabbly but you are not so "enmeshed" with Remark that you cannot tell which actions are his and which are yours and deal with them separately. You are capable of talking about your actions for a period of time without talking about his or bringing up what he did or did not do, and in order to be healthy (divorce or not), you need to do this!

You are letting his actions control your behavior.

We haven't spent thousands of dollars and countless hours. We've had 6 calls with him. I'm still going to follow his instruction over yours. Again, there must be some reason he took the approach he did.

Regardless of what you say about me, it doesn't change the fact that you're contradicting Steve's instruction and undermining his advice.

What is your issue? It is possible for you to do both, to slap me around for my behavior AND advise Remark in a manner that is consistent with Steve's instruction. Why is that a problem for you?

What is the difference between what you just said and what Dr. Harley means when he says absolutely everything we do affects/impacts our spouse? (vice-versa, of course)

Steve DID not instruct you to love bust your husband.


Once again, we all know that Steve did not tell you to love bust your husband, despite your clintonesque rationalizations.

I haven't discussed it with him since our call to Steve. I've mentioned it on this MB forum this week in my update after having been gone for a month. That's harping????

What is the difference between what you just said and what Dr. Harley means when he says absolutely everything we do affects/impacts our spouse? (vice-versa, of course) [/quote]

What does that have to do with your behavioral choices?

We are not contradicting Steve's advice to you.

We are not telling you to do anything Steve told you not to do.

We are not telling you to not do anything Steve told you to do.

We are not contradicting Steve's advice at all.

We are trying to teach you how to quit fighting with your husband because it is not healthy for you or for him.

If you can name one thing Steve told you not to do that we are telling you to do,

or one thing Steve told you to do that we are telling you not to do,

I will buy you a free Marriage Builders book.

You have discussed it here and tried to get others to do your bidding.

We are not going to discuss how we talk to Remark with you. We don't do that with any other couple, and we're not going to make an exception with you.

What we will discuss with you is your behavior, and how YOU are failing to follow the program.

How many ways do I have to say it? Steve didn't instruct me to do anything. Therefore, the list of things that you can itemize of actual things he did not tell me to do could be quite long. And unproductive.

Are you mad that he didn't tell me that? I don't understand the repetitive point. Steve was informed of our situation. Given the entirety of what he knew, he determined that the FIRST thing that needed to be done was the log by Remark. Perhaps if Remark had done it as assigned, we would have had a few more calls with Steve by now. Who knows what sort of progress might have been made.

If Remark is posting again asking for advise, why is everyone dismissing his assignment? Coffeegirl seems to be the only one breaking ranks and she was sure shut down quickly.

BTW, telling you that you are being disrespectful to your husband is NOT "slapping you around." We all had to come face to face with our own disrespect problems in our marriages, and you're no exception. You don't get a pass on this.

According to MB (THE program that Steve teaches), you do your part whether or not Remark does his. That means whether or not he does the log, you DO NOT LOVEBUST.

It's really rather simple.

We aren't fighting anymore, so if that's all you're looking for then your job is done.

Again, we're not going to discuss with you how we talk to Remark. We will discuss YOUR actions with you, and how you are failing to follow the program.

Not according to Remark.