I am sorry, but it sounds like your doing a great job. And it sounds like he looks up to you.
It really bothers me when my WW says she would rather be working than dealing with you kids. Yes kids can be a bother but that thought never crossed my mind.
Saying stuff like that to kids just makes them thing you dont love them.

I am worry my WW is heading down for a break down, i have notests she is going on less and less sleep and she now keeps going on Red Bulls. How long can one drink that stuff and sleep 3 to 6hrs a day?

For years. Look at college students. They live on it. Or medical school students.

I just finished WD thread, i have to say wow. He sure endured a lot and i am glad he got his happy ending, he sure deserved it.

I am also worried about my step daughter, i can see she still tries hard to love her mother. But it just makes her frustrated and angry in the end.
I pray though all this i can help her. Right know my step daughter want to live with me.

It breaks my heart that her mother cant see what her daughter needs and wants. Right now my step daughter says she will not be happy until her mom puts this family back together.

We are out on the beach for the weekend, I sure wish I could get through her walls. She is so defensive about everything other than a few moments were she let's down her wall and smiles and we can really have fun talking. Then the walls go right up, I guess for having fun.

Normal WW response just keep plan A'ing.

I fugured out I just need to do stuff for my WW, cus I when I get asked I get shut down.
I don't get shut down as much if I just do it.

I still I would like to know why she talks as if we stayed married, but talk about how she does not want to be married and we are not friends with benefits. So confused.

It seems that me saying that the 10year old to old to be spanked has turned in to a hot button with my WW. And seems to blame me for all the kids wrong doing or when thy dont listen or behave.

I hope the rest of the day does well, so far it's stared out rather rough

Am I crazy? It seems I am way over sensitive about what's going on around me.

Well the weekend was ok, the kids put up a fuss, which she tried to blame on me it felt like.

We had long talk about the kids schooling (we home school and the oldest has a hard time focusing and listening) toward the end of are talk I said I would love it if I could to stay home and do one on time with her in school work. I got from my WW so your trying to get rid of me? I said oh no I am not getting rid of you it takes both of us raising and schooling the kids and I would not dream of pushing her away.

It still seems she plain on staying there long term by the way my WW talks but still going through with the divorce.

Well when we got home she was going to leave for alone time (it's code word I am seeing the OM)
But she ended up staying home, I am guessing cus there was not reply to her texts.
So while she was getting the 11 months old asleep, I put things away from are trip and did a few loads of laundry and some cleaning.

It seemed the night ended well enought, she seemed down even after her phone call (she went outside, so guessing she called the OM and it was 12:30 am) when she went to sleep.

My wife would leave for "alone time" too.
Lying serpents.

Today was really hard for me for some reason. I am not sure because it was my sons 1 birthday or what.
but I am just heart broken, looking at old photos of us i saw that look of love and i really miss that look and my WW. I have done nothing be cry. even writing this is making me cry.

I am going to need to make decisions soon, my lawyer want to have a court order to have my WW vacate the apartment.
My gut says no unless she gets worse and my mind says she need to go.
so I email Harley Tuesday of last week with the same questions and i have not heard anything yet.

I am guessing i need to make that decision this next week when i have to respond to the divorce case when it shows up in this county.

If your wife isnt home, take the kids to church this morning.

Ron,
Remember, your lawyer works for you. His or her role is to execute tactically in support of what your strategic goals are.

So it seems like you are doing a pretty darn good Plan A. That is always tough in your circumstances so, good job! If you can sustain Plan A further then tell your lawywer to hold of on the submitting a motion for her to vacate. If you have had all you can take of her behavior (which is repulsive and insulting) but still want to try for reconciliation then prepare your Plan B before your lawyer submits any motions. If you want to call it quits, then you can proceed.

Whatever you are doing though, plan it out, set aside the plan for a bit, then review it and if it seems good, execute. You do not want to act precipitously at any point. Act strategically! When you plan and execute your plan, you will not feel like things are so out of control. So please. Take a deep breath, decide what you want to accomplish, then construct a plan for that outcome. The MB forum team has decades if not centuries of collective experience to draw on, so if you have any doubt, bring your plan here. The team can help you tweak it. And also hold you accountable through progress updates and help keep you on task or to suggest revision of the plan.

$.02

Don't forget. You are the driver, not your lawyer.

Thanks Walkthe Walk, I just needed direction and also to know my feelings were not doing the driving.

My heart was saying kicking her out by court order right now was going to be a bad move.
Right know my heart is saying drag things out as long as possible. When the case shows up in the right County then just put in the temp parenting plan and supportING documents. I just want to be the defender in all this.

My goal is to save this marriage and the 10 year old daughter is with me. She and I want the old mom/wife back and work on making everything better.

It's funny how my WW thinks I have the kids turned against her. Even though I am trying hard to get the 10 year old to treat her mother better.
I don't need to do anything to turn the kids she doing a fine job at that herself.


Sunday was not to bad, WW came home around 6:30 saying she went out with some coworkings. I checked onto that, she visited the OM after work.
We made plans that day to go to the state fair. She tried to drive there and back but only lasted 15 to 20 mind for she asked me to drive (it's she car we too and she is every protective of it).
The fair was fun but I could tell she really was not there, keeper looking off in the distance.

I must be doing something I hope, because she wrote to the OM that she was tired and burned out from being around me so much.

Yes, you are doing something. She seems to me to be getting some ENs met by you. Do you know what those are? Do you have a handle on any lovebusters? She will likely complain to you that she hates it when you do ABC. Examine those statements to see if it is a LB or is it that is is making deposits and she hates the confusion that creates. Usually the POSOM cannot sustain the level of competition that the committed father and husband can. Keep up the good work!

EMs i am going to guess Financial Support,Domestic Support,Family Commitment. She not letting me meet Affection at all. She hates when i do anything for her. So i dont ask i just do.
I am avoiding LB at all costs, i am trying really hard the way i phrase things to avoid how it might be taken.

Thinking back to when we dated, i started to send her messages like hows your day going and at night before i go to bed i say night sweetdreams and be safe.(shes working night shift) I dont get a response but i do it anyway.

Bring home flowers from time to time and leave a note.
I am trying my hardest to keep the apt clean and picked up, doing laundry and stuff like that. I also been making her lunch to take and leave dinner out for her when she gets home. I make her coffee in the morning before i head out to work.

I try to talk to her and spend time with her, but its like talking to a wall most of the time.

Through all this i am spending a ton of time with the kids and started to read them the Chronicles of Narnia which the 10 year old is now looking forward to me reading.
Its funny its really seemed to help the kids behavior spending this much time with them. Know my WW things i am turning the kids against her because thy dont want to listen to her.

I am also trying to improve myself and seeing a counseler in the church that the pastor sponsored me seeing.

It still feels i fall short, just not sure were yet.

Oh as far as complants its been stuff like i dont keep the apt clean enought, the kids are not listening to her, so far i cant find anything big or major right know.

Oh other than the fact i am fight the divorce and got a change of venue. So she thinks i am i idiot and not thinking.

Slow and steady, in your Plan A. You're strengthening your family. Your wife will have a warm and loving home to come back to.

That's what I keep telling myself slow and steady wins the race.
At least that bad evenings with the kids seem be much shorter before.

I am little concerned about the 10 year old. I came home today and she told me her mother slapped her under the chin today at the food bank thy volunteer at. Something about the 10 year old said she finished her work and mom I guess did not believe it. Well anyway I don't see a reason to ever do that. It left a nice quarter sized bruise right under her chin.
I did take a photo, I felt like it was a good idea to document.

So is it common for a WW to get like that with her kids? Do I need to start worrying about the kids safety now?
If I question my WW I feel she going to lie about it. I hate to think the 10 year old is making stuff up.

Any advice?

Yes, the kids can sense that all is not well and are scared and confused. The less they react to those feelings, in my opinion, would indicate thos feelings are lessened or improved. Good Job.




Not sure that it is common, but my guess wold be that all is not proceeding according to your WW's preconceived notions, that is frustrating her and she probably lost it for a minute. I definitely think this is something that bears further scrutiny. Is corporal punishment a new method in her repertoire? If so, and this marks a change, I would be concerned about a continuation along this spectrum and definitely document and continiuaslly reassess. If you believe that anything crosses from discipline into abuse, then you would want to request that she have supervised visitation only.

On the other hand, if the 10 year old is making it up, it may be a different manifestation of their unhappiness with their mother's actions. An unhealthy one, and needing to be redirected. Those feelings are completely justified, they just would need to be expressed in a healthy way.

On balance, we know that WW's are liars. Do they lie about EVERYTHING? No, but they do lie as a habit so if I had to bet on which one is lying, it'd be the WW.

Corporal punishment is nothing new in are house, but never in the face or leave a bruse.
I beleve when you start leaving bruses is when you cross the line from punishment to abuse.
It's something I am going to keep a close eye on.
I don't feel good what my WW did no mater the circumstance. It's all possible the 10 year old got mouthy. But even that is uncalled for in my mind.
The 10 year had been getting mouthy with her mom, but her mom is not listening to what she has to say or feel. It seems my WW want the kids to line up in a row and go along with what she's got going. And when that does not happen she is getting angry now.

Like last night around 3am she got angry because she could not find the remote for the satellite TV, she woke me up took are bed apart and demanded I tell her were the remote was. I told her I don't have and I don't know we're it is. She demanded 3 or 4 more times like I was keeping it. Then said well your the "adult in the house" and left.
The kids take the remote and it's never were it should be. So I been using my phone to work the TV and satellite. I should say one detail I have the satellite recipe hooked up to both the living room and bedroom tv.

I am not sure why but when my WW can find or does not like something she keeps saying "your the adult in the house" almost like I am some overlord and I should know everything or have everything in order and follow her wishes.