I am new to this forum thing, and we have just started this rebuilding process after my husband's affair. How can we develop a process by which I can trust his overnight business trip common soon. We own this business. We can't just change jobs.... what can I ask of him that will reassure me while he is away?

There is nothing that can create trust for you when he is going away overnight, and for a very good reason. Overnight seperation is a breeding ground for affairs. It's dangerous for couples who have never been affected by infidelity, and absolutely cannot be done in marriages where there has been an affair.

If you want your marriage to recover, you will both agree to never being separated overnight again.

You either need to travel with him, or find a new form of income which allows him to stay home overnight.

Listen to the clips in here. Traveling Jobs

You cannot sustain a marriage when you are not together every night. If a job comes before your marriage it will eventually come between you. Affairs and divorce are epidemic in marriages with traveling jobs. And even if you don't have an affair, you will grow apart.

Discuss and POJA a way where he does not need to Ever travel, unless you are with him.

Could a person be hired to fill in those travel jobs?

And..... Are these travelling stints REALLY necessary?

What about Skype or Face Time, or other options?

LTL

Thanks all. I think we can reduce the number of trips, but not eliminate all together. Guess we will try Skype etc.

It hasn't been long since his affair ended, and I told my husband he has to be disease free before he returns to my bed. How long is the waiting period? And what can we do to get through it. Obviously his need of sex is one big reason for cheating. Just not sure on the timing for this whole process.

I'm sorry to tell you that Skype, Face Time, and other such programs will not work.

Kreyn, we weren't suggesting that you and your husband use Skype, but that your husband use it with his business colleagues so he can avoid travel. Skype will not resolve your marriage problem, neither will reducing the trips.

One suggestion would be to travel together when he goes on trips.

Why?

Why does any person actually need to show up in person to meet with existing customers, unless there is a problem to diffuse?

LTL

LTL, the poster thinks you are suggesting that she Skype with her husband while he is out of town. Prisca is telling her this will not work for her marriage.

I agree it will work just fine with his business colleagues.

The reason your husband cheated is because a) he has a traveling job and b) he has pisspoor boundaries around women. If those issues are not resolved, he will have more affairs. He did not have an affair because of sex.

You should check with your doctor if you have questions about STDs.

The original post that you made suggesting Skype could have been read in two ways.

I think that you were asking the poster why her husband could not Skype his business colleagues, and stop travelling altogether.

The poster thought that you were suggesting that the travel could continue, and Skype could be a way of keeping her and her husband connected.

Prisca told her that her interpretation could not work. Skyping cannot keep a marriage together.

My husband has an unusual job. We run a sports league. He is required to officiate during certain competitions, which cannot be done via skype. The competitions are lengthy, and I cannot bring my child along as too much school would be missed, often at key periods during the school year. His affair did not involve a Co worker or player. He was introduced to this little bimbo by a friend while out starting new players in league one evening. He has agreed to cut out all unnecessary trips, however, there are a couple of events he must participate in. This was his dream job in his favorite sport and it provides nicely for our family. I am a bit surprised to hear so many suggest just leaving the job. It would take at least a year to find a buyer for this business anyhow. Based on prior experience, as we sold once before. What would we do in the meanwhile? Additionally it would mean a very significant salary reduction. It would require new house, selling cars, change of school, complete change of lifestyle for my child. My plan was to traumatize my child as little as possible. Besides, the 8 to 5 was not a good job for him, and jobs in this area don't pay much, not to mention that there aren't any jobs to be had. I would have to work two jobs just to pay for daycare by my most recent calculations. Selling is an option, but cannot be done in a short time period. We need a plan for the interim.

Job change is suggested because I
That is what it will Take to prevent another affair.

Is there someone near home your child could stay with so you and your husband travel together?

How traumatic would divorce be? You need to understand you are up against divorce. You won't get any benefit from his job in a divorce and will be competing with another woman for his salary.

Just understand you are choosing the job over the marriage. And that is fine. We understand and will support you in your divorce if that is what you choose.

Just know you can't have both. Recovery is impossible if he travels without you.

Which do you choose?

Divorce will require you to sell your home, cars, change schools and I promise you it will traumatize your children.

Your failure to recognize the seriousness of your situation means you will lose any options in the near future. If you and your husband make radical changes now, you can avoid the radical changes that are coming your way if you ignore this advice. If you ignore the advice, you will be facing divorce and you will no longer have these choices.

We are trying to warn you. You ignore this advice at your own peril.

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Can't you leave your child with a babysitter? Or have a friend, relative stay with your child while you travel with your husband?

Homeschool.

Start thinking outside of the box instead of being confined to the boundaries of the life you are living right now. What you are doing hasn't worked.

As long as he travels without you, he WILL be meeting new bimbos ...

It's his job, or your marriage. Your choice.

I sure hope you are listening and letting this sink in. Recovery will be IMPOSSIBLE while your WH has a traveling job. Period.

I can think of many posters over the years who thought they could cut this corner and were BURNED and didn't recover.

You have a small window to get everything lined up and into place while you are both motivated to ensure the best chance for success for your M. Don't squander the opportunity.