I was asked to write an op ed article for a local newspaper regarding the Ashley Madison fallout.
where is the quote from Dr. Harley where he writes or says that adultery is comparable to rape in many of his patients?
A citeable reference?

I think that it is on the video. Would that be citeable?

Dr Harley on video, yes.

From "Defending Traditional Marriage" pg 143:



Dr Harley also discusses it here:

How to Survive Infidelity

Ashley Madison: Remember the Real Victims

Recent editorials in the XXXXX Paper concerning the Ashley Madison scandal miss the most important part of this issue: the betrayal of martial trust. The facts are very clear that Ashley Madison is a website which encourages married people to have affairs and is a meeting place for adulterers. The victims of the website being hacked are not the men and women who paid for this service and certainly not Ashley Madison which has made millions of dollars wrecking marriages: the victims are the betrayed spouses.

Clinical psychologist Bill Harley, author of the bestseller His Needs, Her Needs and Surviving an Affair, states that marital infidelity can hurt a betrayed spouse more than the death of a family member or even rape. He has counseled thousands of individuals and couples and seen the effects of infidelity first hand. Many readers of the XXXX, including myself, have also been victims of infidelity. We are the ones hurt by a cheating spouse, not the website and not the cheater.

XXXX Columnist XXXX, a practicing attorney, is quick to point out that adultery is not illegal. This is a distinction that only an attorney would think of: legalities first, morality second. Adultery was and is a crime in most of the world and many parts of the United States. Although it has been largely decriminalized, the government still considers it grievous and most states allow a spouse to divorce specifically on the grounds of adultery. North Carolina even allows a betrayed spouse to pursue civil damages against an affair partner as an �alienation of affection� legal claim. Adultery may no longer be considered a criminal act, but the vast majority of people view it as a terrible betrayal of trust and care.

As opportunities to have affairs have blossomed with the internet and websites such as Ashley Madison, so has the abilities of hackers to infiltrate websites. The difference between the hacking of Home Depot and other retailers and Ashley Madison, which XXXX missed, is that this hack attack may actually save lives. Dr. Harley reports that many victims of infidelity first learn of their spouse cheating through an unexpected STD diagnosis. This hack allows everyone to check their spouses name and see if they are having affairs and protect their health.

Adultery is a terrible betrayal of trust and complete lack of care for the betrayed spouse. However, victims of adultery can rebuild their marriages and survive an affair but it requires a lot of hard work. Instead of debating the effects of a hack attack on a cheating website, let�s consider the victims and ways of reaching out with articles which can help them recover.

nice job!!!

Very nice - this perspective of concern for the is hard to find in the mainstream media commentary.

I agree with the others that you did a great job here, Jedi.

Let us know if this is published on the paper's website. I would love to link it so people can read another perspective on the issue. Because of the media, many people (including myself before I was a BS) had a very misinformed view of adultery and how it affects the BS because of the media's narrative on it.

Since talking to BSes (both on MB and off) I now realize the feelings of the betrayed are fairly universal but never really talked about because society likes to focus on the cheaters rather than the victims, the same way the media treats criminals.

You know, I went to law school with a lot of fairly unlikeable persons so your negative view of attorneys is fine with me; however, what law school does teach you is to be able to think, consider and even argue both sides of an issue. However, I don't think this is necessarily a case of "only an attorney would think of: legalities first, morality second" but more likely this particularly individual attorney lacking morals, rationalizing and justifying bad behaviors and having the inability to discern that the doctrine of unclean hands applies to this matter thus Ashley Madison and it's exposed users have no right to fuss over their "illegal in many states, jurisdictions, countries" behavior being exposed any more than if I had exposed my neighbor's CPA embezzling money from him. The hackers discovered a crime and exposed it and criminals shouldn't complain.



In addition, I read many comments on the web by Ashley Madison's employees (Including the President and his wife) as well as exposed individuals complaining on the web defending themselves with the argument that what they were doing wasn't illegal. Some argued that the hackers hurt people and the hackers are the real criminals. Those are not exclusive argument only an attorney (because attorneys are disgusting) can, have, could or would conceive of. Hiding behind the law is simply a wayward trick done by many different attorney and non-attorney waywards throughout time.

On a another subject, recently I was discussing politicians, marriage and infidelity with an acquaintance of mine and I merely mentioned that Reagan and McCain were both involved in adultery and he was all upset about it. Seems he wanted to have his politics first and his morality second. Then he ranted that were it not for the military service of men like Bush, Sr. and McCain I might not even have the right to be such a jerk. It was strangely odd, like military service cuts off any and all dissent or ability to merely observe and state historical facts. In that instance it seemed he wanted: politics first, military second and morality third. The guy wasn't even a lawyer (but he does sit on a high horse from time to time)....go figure.

Well perhaps your acquantice was too harsh in his judgement of you. He may have a picture of Reagan and Bush in his living room and be a big fan. Sometimes even friendly people can get in fights over politics.

Heres the catch the article didn't mention: I first sent a harsh email to the attorney editor for his support of ashley madison. He responded and told me that its framed as a debate forum where as an editor he is assigned a topic and must respond in a designated defense or proponent. He told me he is a Christian but said he is a divorce attorney and often runs into bizarre sex cases. He did say (and write ) that adultery is the number one cause of divorce in his clients.
He asked to publish my email and i said i would need to re write it. He said people (readers ) like the attorney Bashing but i removed most of it.

What i published here is the final submission to him.
He told me he personally hates adultery but his writings were not so harsh. According to him, many divorce cases are open marriages where sites like ashley madison are allowed.

Plus...50% of his clients are cheaters and his name will pop up as the article author on any google search done by prospective clients (not to mention opposing attorneys, clients and judges). Is it possible he's actually casting a wide net out there for potentially injured Ashley Madison "victims" (or their betrayed wives) to give him a call?

He says "I hate adultery" all the way to the bank he does.

Something isn't right about this statement.... "many divorce cases are open marriages" . First...define "many". This sounds like something a deviant individual might say. It's a defense like "everybody is doing it". On the other hand, duh!, married persons running around having sex with others knowingly or behind their spouses back don't stay married long. Of course they end up at a divorce attorney. But his implication is there then must be a lot of people actually in open marriages still married. As in, a certain percentage stay married and some, but not nearly all, call him and divorce. I don't think that is the case.


Another thought....I've yet to meet a (Christian) divorce attorney against gay supreme court ordered marriages ....it's going to be a huge win for the specialty.