I have a lot of free time at work. I should be able to finish the book this week.

Good man! And every time you are tempted to set her straight, you must resist that urge. Picture a bucket that you are trying to fill with water. (Water = love bank deposits)When you lovebust her, you shoot a hole in that bucket that causes all the water to leak out. All of your hard work is wasted when do that.

I think you make a lot of really bad lovebusters that you are not even aware of. The lecture in the restaurant was really, really bad. You have to get on top of those right away.

"In the final analysis, disrespectful judgments represent an effort to force our spouses to give us what we want in marriage, but it's often cleverly disguised. Instead of making an outright demand, we present our problem as if it were really our spouse's personal shortcoming. We try to "straighten out" our spouse in an effort to get our way.

At the time we rationalize our disrespect by convincing ourselves that we're doing our spouses a big favor, to lift them from the darkness of their confusion into the light of our superior perspective. If they would only follow our advice, we tell ourselves, they could avoid many of life's pitfalls-and we would also get what we want." http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3402_disrespect.html

I see where I do this. I have done this for years.

Right now it is very difficult for me not to have an AO. My wife last night said she was too tired to go to church. When she got up this morning, my daughter begged her until she agreed to go. Now they are out of church and shopping even though my wife already spent 1000 on clothes this week. I also saw some texts from my wife to my daughter where they were ordering stuff and my wife was telling my daughter to keep it hidden from me.

What usually happens when she wants to spend money on something?

And can you explain what the issue is about her wanting to skip church? I don't understand the issue.

By ask for more time, you are again saying that this activity is more important than your wife.

My husband was a bit stunned when he read Lovebusters. He thought "helping" me and having activities of his own was good for us. But they were just disrespectful judgements and independent behavior which injured our marriage deeply.

She will spend it. I will ask her to stick to our budget. She will not. I ask her not to go shopping again this week. She will. Or she will order online.

On the way home from dinner last night she told me she was very tired and did not want to go to the church she and my daughter like because it is 40 min away. She also stated she could just watch the sermon online. She told my daughter the same thing when we got home last night.

This morning I was getting ready and I woke my wife telling her that if she felt like to go to our usual church, that it was time to get up. I told her that I wanted to give her the opportunity because she has gotten mad in the past when I did not wake her up. I told her if she was too tired then I understood. The church where we are members is only 5 min away.

She got up a few minutes later and my daughter started in on her to go to the other church 40 min away. I told my daughter she had already been told they were not going. She kept on and my wife said she would take her. My wife suggested we clean out our basement when she returns and I said that sounded fine.

I am asking for more time because I can't just up and leave. It is sort of like giving a two week notice at a job. They will need to find a replacement and let me train them.

"She will spend it. I will ask her to stick to our budget. She will not. I ask her not to go shopping again this week. She will. Or she will order online. "

It doesn't sound like she enthusiastically agreed to that budget or she would stick to it. Did she develop the budget with you?

I am still confused about why you brought up the church thing. Your wife didn't want to go to the far away church and then changed her mind. Why is this an issue?

Yes. She developed the budget with me.

Here is an example. In August of last year I paid off all the credit cards. Around 15,000 worth. I had received some inheritance from my mom. My wife and I agreed on this. I asked her to stop using credit cards. I told her I understand sometimes it is a necessity, but please let's talk about it beforehand.

Now one year later, we are again 15000 in credit card debt. When she started this new job,we agreed that she could spend her entire paycheck there, but not to go over into our account. She had worked there 1 week and was already spending more than what she made. Just last week she spent one week of my salary in the store. 4 times what she makes.

I brought up the church thing because my wife told me even after she had agreed to take my daughter, that she was too tired to. I also knew from experience that their trips to this church turn into shopping trips. They will be gone all day and then my wife will get home and go to bed because she is too tired.

The solution is not to lecture and nag her, but when you get in a better place, to renegotiate the budget. From the sound of it, she is not happy with that agreement or she would stick to it. But since you are both so unskilled at negotiation and there is so much lovebustng, you are not equipped to come to a new agreement. But don't make it worse by chastising her, or worse yet, having an angry outburst or disrespectful judgement.

". I asked her to stop using credit cards. I told her I understand sometimes it is a necessity, but please let's talk about it beforehand. "

And she did not agree with this or she would be doing it. She probably views the talking to you first as a means to control her. Would that be true?

" brought up the church thing because my wife told me even after she had agreed to take my daughter, that she was too tired to. I also knew from experience that their trips to this church turn into shopping trips. They will be gone all day and then my wife will get home and go to bed because she is too tired."

Ok, I still don't understand why this was brought up. Are you concerned that she will be tired? If so, why? I am not trying to be obtuse but I don't get it. Can you be real clear and tell me why this is wrong? Are you saying that something is wrong?

She may view this a means to control her, but nothing could be further from the truth. I have told her for a long time that I don't care what she spends or what she spends it on as long as it is not more than what I make.

I guess I am upset about the church thing because if I had wanted to do something with her, she would have told me she is too tired. My daughter does it and she goes along with. I am a little jealous of my children because they are treated like gods, and I am treated like dirt.

Last night during dinner we had discussed go to the movies. My kids did not want to and they went home. I asked my wife if she still wanted to go and she said she was too tired. She did say if the kids had wanted to she would have.

They get the best of her and I get the leftovers if there is any.

Still more important than your wife.

And I bet you are doing FPU, am I right?

If you had not awoken your wife, she would not have been awake for your daughter to ask her to go to the other church.

"I get the leftovers if there is any."

Do you want to know why?

Do you never take a Sunday off? Surely there is back-up for when you take vacation?

PS I'm a PK and I know there is. I also know God will still be in church even if the sound system is off.

I am confused on what FPU is.

Did you read the part where I said that she got mad when I didn't wake her before?

You ignored the wishes stated just the night before. Honestly, your actions sound vengeful.

I do take a Sunday off, but I have the PowerPoint ready before I leave.

FPU = the Dave Ramsey program.