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Joined: Nov 2011
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she does buy things we already have and will go to pick up one thing in a store and end up spending 500, when the one item is 40. When I picked up some clothes from the dry cleaner the other day, the clerk stated that she thinks my wife has an outfit for everyday of the year. She has so many clothes our walk in closet is full and she has bags stacked in the bedroom floor of clothes she has bought that cannot be put away because of room. They still have tags on them. Well, what are you going to do about that? What plan have you jointly made to deal with that situation? Sir, I have lived with the boxes and bags on the floor...for 10 years. It's not normal and your wife probably cant control herself and will be offended if you tell her the place is a mess. In dealing with a hoarder, Dr. Harley has recommended a simple solution like a mini storage unit. That way the family doesn't have to deal with the junk and the hoarder can go to the unit and maintain a relationship with his/her treasures. Now of course the closet is a little different. She may not agree to keeping clothes in a unit. they can become moldy or infested with insects. So you may need to build a bigger closet.
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
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Joined: Nov 2011
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she does buy things we already have and will go to pick up one thing in a store and end up spending 500, when the one item is 40. When I picked up some clothes from the dry cleaner the other day, the clerk stated that she thinks my wife has an outfit for everyday of the year. She has so many clothes our walk in closet is full and she has bags stacked in the bedroom floor of clothes she has bought that cannot be put away because of room. They still have tags on them. Well, what are you going to do about that? What plan have you jointly made to deal with that situation? Another solution may be to agree to enable the habit by going to thrift shops so you can buy a lot of clothes within budget.
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
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Yes. She developed the budget with me.
Here is an example. In August of last year I paid off all the credit cards. Around 15,000 worth. I had received some inheritance from my mom. My wife and I agreed on this. I asked her to stop using credit cards. I told her I understand sometimes it is a necessity, but please let's talk about it beforehand.
Now one year later, we are again 15000 in credit card debt. When she started this new job,we agreed that she could spend her entire paycheck there, but not to go over into our account. She had worked there 1 week and was already spending more than what she made. Just last week she spent one week of my salary in the store. 4 times what she makes.
I brought up the church thing because my wife told me even after she had agreed to take my daughter, that she was too tired to. I also knew from experience that their trips to this church turn into shopping trips. They will be gone all day and then my wife will get home and go to bed because she is too tired. It sounds like you will be homeless in a couple years anyway. $15,000 in debt in one year? Surely this was not all clothing?
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Joined: Sep 2015
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The majority is clothing. Prob 12,000 of it. The other is home goods like bedding and decorations.
On the good side, I am caught myself several times last night about to commit a lovebuster and was able to recognize it and not do it. I am reading through the book so i can make sure i recognize all the lovebusters that i may not even be aware of.
This morning she hugged me as I was leaving for work and for the first time in a long time, she did not let go.
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10
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Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10 |
Well, what are you going to do about that? What plan have you jointly made to deal with that situation? I asked you a question, Need. You haven't answered it. I'm trying to get you out of the habit of posting here to blog - which often means just to complain about your wife and get us on your side - and then not bothering to follow up the suggestions that are made to you, and coming back with a new update. I also talked to you about reading Dr Harley's materials, and I had no response to that.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10
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I should finish love busters this week. You did say this, but I recommended at lot more than that. You did not follow my post up properly.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 76
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I currently dont have a plan. I don't have a plan to discuss it with my wife yet either. She is withdrawn. I am afraid that any discussion about spending would just add fuel to the fire. Once I eliminate all lovebusters, i should be able to negotiate with her what we can do about the situation. Something that we both enthusiastically and mutually agree on. I am new to putting this into practice, so i am trying to be careful.
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