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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
"Marriage is about compromise?' [MB is not about compromise, btw]
Paraphrasing from Dr Harley:
There isn't a whole lot he can do. Basically she will be jumping from one guy to another, hoping to find a guy who will accept her bad behavior.
Take the issue of promiscuity. The point is if she is trying to be provocative to attract men to her, is this something she should continue to do? The POJA will put a woman like this in a very difficult position. She assumes that changing her behavior will change who she is.
If she went along with the POJA she would have to change her behavior. She wants to be accepted how she is. Anyone who has a great marriage knows that adjustments have to be made.
She wants it the way she wants it or goodbye.
POJA is a sign of care.
What they need to do is think of alternatives that work for them both. The Godly life was not working for her.
Tell her that she is hurting you terribly.
In the final analysis she will have to do a lot of changing to make this work.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
**EDIT**
Last edited by Denali; 09/15/15 08:42 PM. Reason: TOS non MB advice
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Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 73
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OP
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Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 73 |
MelodyLane, Is this what you expected from Dr. Harley? Now what? See if she has a change of heart to end the affair or just give her the D and be done with it? What would your advise be at this point?
M: 3 times in the past. 2 ended because of her having affairs, last ended because of her verbal and physical abuse. Last marriage ended in 2018.
K:1 son (Adult and out of home) and 1 daughter (in-home 50/50)
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
MelodyLane, Is this what you expected from Dr. Harley? Now what? See if she has a change of heart to end the affair or just give her the D and be done with it? What would your advise be at this point? That is what I expected. He focused on the fact that the problem is not an affair but that she looks for guys who will accept her as she is. So even if she ends this affair, she will keep having affairs and will keep being promiscuous to attract new men.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 73
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OP
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Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 73 |
Thanks for your input, I appreciate all of the help and support that I have received here. Unfortunately, it is not what I was hoping to hear.
M: 3 times in the past. 2 ended because of her having affairs, last ended because of her verbal and physical abuse. Last marriage ended in 2018.
K:1 son (Adult and out of home) and 1 daughter (in-home 50/50)
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5 |
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5 |
How are you doing? Do you have an update?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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