When I have learned about her affair I was so disturbed that I felt I needed to do something. I did not want to leave the house. I did not want to be in one bed with her. Since then, I have slept in the guest bedroom. Was that a mistake? Should I move back?

Of course, after reading this thread, I understand that she should be the one leaving the bedroom, but I do not know how to make her move.

What should I do about it? Moving back to one bed with her seems not the right thing to do either.

Please help.

I feel that this thread is helpful to wifes that need to execute plan B. Do you have any advice to husbands who deal with unfaithful wife and need to execute plan B? From what I read, it is recommended that the husband should leave the house, even though the wife has an affair.

You have read some bad advice. Men who leave because their wives are unfaithful are often frowned upon in courts for abandoning their families. They put themselves at great risk legally. By abandoning their families, they often make it possible for the other man to move in and take their place. That puts their children at risk.

Please go start up a thread on Surviving an Affair forum so posters can help you.

Well... There is entire discussion on this forum entitled "Re: Men, do not leave your home!". However the post by BrainHurts (#2794374 - 04/04/14 11:57 AM) Originally Posted By: Dr. Harley says something quite opposite. In summary he recommends "If the husband gets to a point where he cannot take the stress any longer, and must go into plan B, I encourage him to leave the home rather than kicking her out." He adds a caveat "An additional comment: When children are involved, a husband should consult with an attorney before he leaves to avoid the impression that he's abandoning the children." Sorry, I do not know how to provide a link here, but I hope you can find it the discussion I am referring to.

I am a husband whose wife has an affair. When I have learned about her affair I was so disturbed that I felt I needed to do something. I did not want to leave the house. I did not want to be in one bed with her. Since then, I have slept in the guest bedroom. Was that a mistake? Should I move back?

Of course, after reading the discussion "Men, do not leave your home!", I understand that she should be the one leaving the bedroom, but I do not know how to make her move.

What should I do about it? Moving back to one bed with her seems not the right thing to do either.

Please help.

Has she ended her affair? Ended contact with the OM? What are you doing to recover your marriage?

Yes, I know this. He does not tell men to leave their homes unless it is to go into Plan B.

She claims she ended the affair and ended contact with the lover. I know that they meet and write to each other secretly.

What I am doing to recover my marriage is a good question. I guess first I resisted the urge to dramatically end it and punish her. Instead I kept calm and did not do anything to hurt her. I did say to her that I still cared and that I wanted to work towards reconciliation. We spent the summer together as planned, traveling together, visiting family and friends together. I did let her know that I appreciated her letter in which she assured me that she ended all contact with the lover, and that I perceived it as a step towards improving our relationship. I did let her know, though, that this was not enough, and that I expected her to do more. I guess I took a passive approach of "lets see what she does now and where this goes".

The only thing I did is what I mentioned above - I do not sleep with her. She approached me a couple of times trying to be intimate, and I turned these into hugging and caressing/ massage sessions and refused intercourse. I explained I was hurting and I was not ready yet.

I also started being more assertive. In the past I was the constant giver and she was a never happy taker. I was in a constant fear that I was not doing enough, felt guilty for it. Now I do more of what I think is right, without really thinking that much of how she will react to it anymore.

I know these may not be marriage recovery actions per Marriage Builders definitions, but these just came to my mind as a response.

OK, thanks. So if I need to go to plan B, any advice to a betrayed husband that needs to leave the house? I feel that I am nearing that point. How do I prepare and execute? As I mentioned, I interpreted most of the advice in this thread being applicable to wives kicking their unfaithful husbands out.

Please take a look at the exposure thread in my signature.

Yes, I have already read it. It is awesome. The one question I had was about showing evidence. Do I need to do that? She admitted she had an affair. She does not know that I know she continues meeting him. I do not want to disclose evidence. I do not want her to know how I learned.

You don't need direct evidence if she has admitted it. Her confession is evidence. However, you need to let her know after you expose that you know her affair continues. I would also expose to the OMs family and friends and then confront him.

Who is OM? Is he married? How did she meet him?

How long has the affair been going on?

Why do you need to go to plan B?
I see no reason to, yet.
From reading your other posts, you haven't even exposed.

You need to get educated on Marriage Builders first. Men who joined the forum on September 17 are not ready to go to Plan B on September 18.

The OM is her coworker. He is divorced. She met him at work.

I am not certain how long the affair has been going on. I discovered it in May. It might have been just few weeks or few years.

So, I take it she quit that job? When was the last time she saw her boyfriend?

She did not quit her job. I think she saw him today.

Well do you think its really over if she still sees him?

If a teenage daughter says, Honestly dad. We dont have sex. We juat stay by the lake all night ...do you trust her?