Were nearly a year into reconciliation, any demands I could make have already been made. We both have Facebook, I have to as I run a motly social media based business with a company page and if he gives it up I have to, and this is my only main way my kids keep in touch (theyre grown in college). I dont think it fair I decimate my business or lose my main contact with my children by hsving to give up something Ive never used to do wrong. He would not give it up unless I did this far into the game, our D Day is not recent. I amallowed to bring up concerns from time to time about the past but we are now at the point where we arw trying to overwrite the bad memories but in his mind, its been awhile and the price paid quite severe financially.

He didnt send a NC letter because then her boyfriend would find out and kick her out she lived off . I was dealing with a woman who would have immediately called his boss and gotten him fired as she knew he was using the work phone at his job, etc. I was unemployed and had he lost his job I told him the marriage was over because I certainly was not supporting a cheater financially. The OW was vengeful at the end and I decided best to just not give her morereason to come after my family.

The 20hrs a week is a huge challenge for UA. Since losibg that job he now works 2, working 7 days a week (less than 10 min from home and I join him for lunch randomly with no problems) some days from 7 am to 7pm, the least is from 9-4. I had to start temping and i commute most days so Im gone 7:30 to about 5:30-6pm M-F. I run my business on every other weeekend so we only have nights from 7-10pm when he goes to bed and a few Wed and Fri nights from 6 to 10.

Any suggestions how to get UA time in with that schedule? I try to have dinner ready at 7 but he is so exhausted working on his feet (he had a desk job for 18 yrs)he only wants to watch TV and be intimate. Ona good day I can get him to go to the park with the dog and I and /or run errands together. We are literally hanging on to our mortgage of $750 a month (half the average here) by a thread and its my house from before the marriage so Im not willing to lose it by quitting. I can never depend on another person anyway so I dont think any woman shoukd leave her job given what Ive been through

Still I am very curious what anyone else would try to do to improve things. The last thung I want to do is lose the progress Ive made

Tinkluver you are in my prayers. I hope your journey is easier than mine has been but I know where youre �coming from

Time spent watching TV does not count as UA time.
Basically you havent followed any of the guidelines and have made no progress in recovery. You also protected the OW from exposure.
You have not affair proofed your marriage and are in limbo.

Hi 12blue, welcome back. Thanks for the update. Most marriages do not recover from affairs unless they follow the MB steps for recovery. When they don't follow these steps, they limp along in a crippled version of the pre-affair marriage and typically suffer more affairs. Just "reconciling" is not a success because if it is not done right, just leads to more affairs and eventually divorce.

You don't have to be like that if you follow this program, which is a 2 step process, a) affair proofing the marriage and b) creating romantic love in your marriage. Unless you create a much better marriage than what you had before your marriage will always be high risk.

If you are interested in recovering your marriage we can help you with that.

I would add that helping the OW and your H hide the affair from her live in boyfriend is an incredibly stupid strategy that makes it much easier for the affair to resume. It also makes you an accessory to the crime.

Let me put this another way. Not having a plan is a plan to fail.

" He says it was a mistake but wont end contact. I want to forgive but not sure how when there is no transparency and he insists there never will be since hes not a prisoner. I love him, I dont want him thinking this but I cant trust whats going on either...its a quandry"

Does he still refuse to be transparent?