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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6 |
No I did not give him a PlanB letter or email because he disregards emails or has in the past. I came to my parents a month and half back after a bad angry outburst.
This evening he wants me and my daughter to meet him at the park near our apartment. I had assumed he would come near the park at my parents house. This feels mentally draining after a long day with the day itself. It feels more convenient to just stay the night at the apartment with him, if I'm going to take my daughter to the park near the apartment.
My mother advises me this evening that I need to be flexible if I want this to work. Im lost between the PlanA, B and C and the independent behavior.
I could ask for access to his phone account online later if I stay at the apartment tonight. This is why you need to get into a dark Plan B. You enable his behavior and that is why he has no reason to change. He also needs to get into anger management if he is having AOs. You need to set the bar high. If he wants to see his DD then he can make arrangements through your IM and pick her up at your parents house.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
Member
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Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6 |
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
Member
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Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6 |
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 110
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Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 110 |
Its already overwhelming. If meeting him so he can spend time with my daughter I'm getting pulled in be around them. Similarly if I reach the apartment so she has had her dinner and he is home by 6pm, then its not really possible to let them play or an hour or two. Because then we have to gather the baby things and again driver back to my parents by 9 or 9:30pm. So its either I take her to play with him or I don' go at all. There is no other person I could rely as an IM. Any suggestions?
My mother has already started again today that if I don't work with this, it will not work. And says that if there were problems with him then I should have let him go before my daughter was born.
After today we wont see him till about a week a half as he works in evenings during the next 3 days and then I am travelling with my parents.
Last edited by Wearld; 09/22/15 01:15 PM.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
Member
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Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6 |
For you to be in a true Plan B you wouldn't go with him at all. You wouldn't even see him at child exchanges. All you need for an IM is for someone to have email contact to discuss child exchanges and finances. You just need someone who can remain neutral and stay unemotional. Send them the Plan B training link and that will help. Have a schedule of when he can see your DD.
Have you explained Plan B to your mother? The importance that your WH lives with extraordinary precautions to protect you and your marriage? That if he doesn't make these changes then there is no marriage? You deserve a husband that will treat you with extraordinary care and live by EPs or he doesn't deserve to be married to you. Will your mother support you on this?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Member
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Member
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
Its already overwhelming. If meeting him so he can spend time with my daughter I'm getting pulled in be around them. Similarly if I reach the apartment so she has had her dinner and he is home by 6pm, then its not really possible to let them play or an hour or two. Because then we have to gather the baby things and again driver back to my parents by 9 or 9:30pm. So its either I take her to play with him or I don' go at all. There is no other person I could rely as an IM. Any suggestions?
My mother has already started again today that if I don't work with this, it will not work. And says that if there were problems with him then I should have let him go before my daughter was born.
After today we wont see him till about a week a half as he works in evenings during the next 3 days and then I am travelling with my parents. This is what you need to focus on: Having no contact with your husband AND gaining independence. Focus on entering Plan B. Your mother has seen you for years without a plan. Print it out. Show it to her. Let her know you are following a plan from a clinical psychologist. Also, what level of education do you have? Do you have a high school diploma? College? You need to get an education so you gain independence from your husband and your mother.
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