I was on the radio today. How can I get a copy of the show? Thanks.

Yeah!!!! Good job!!! How do you feel about the advice they gave?

You can listen to the show free all weekend on the app. In a few days they will upload it to archives and you can down load it for a fee.

For the most part it was what I already knew. But his perspective is very refreshing. He also had some other insights I hadn't thought about - like him getting a job and providing for his family. Honestly I don't know if he could totally provide but I'd be happy if he just did something productive. So I could feel like I have a partner and not alone and drained from everything.

I know about listening on the app. I was wanting a copy to maybe at some point let my husband hear it. I'll have to look for it and download it later.

I thought that was amazing advice!! That will surely change your husband's mental outlook.

You know, my husband has suffered horrendous back problems too and he works full time. He is not in pain anymore because he had a laminectomy and has had some steroid shots in his spine. He lives pretty much pain free. When he does have pain, he takes advil.

He gets cortisone shots in his spine.

Opinions on this text he sent? My guilt sets in and I think I'm making wrong decisions. I need to start deleting them before I read I guess.

No I'm not buying into that. Nobody cares what I'm going thru... I've been trying to IMPROVE our marriage not go back to the same old thing. I'm the only one trying to save our marriage. Family! Your only working on FlowerGirl. Feelings can't change if we don't try and have a relationship...remember when we met? Imagine if you wouldn't go on a date with me? Think we'd of ever gotten married? You loved me at some point even tho you say no, but we didn't get to that place by staying apart. This isn't good on Son3 (10yo) either, or the other two for that matter. I think your councilor probably is bias too. Which is what I was worried about in the first place. This is not going any better via the therapist either for the family.

My counselor is the one we saw together that he blew up with. I assume he's referring to his new one at the end.

Is this in response to your letter?

No he still hasn't officially replied. Just stuff like this. I have no idea if he'll agree to the conditions I gave. But it's clear he thinks we should already be dating.

And this is part of the problem. He bullies you into doing things you don't want to do. That is part of the reason you need to be separated.

I would not debate with him. Just tell him that you don't want to see him until he has gone through anger management and has made some serious changes. Until then, communication can be through email. If he sends you these texts again, I would delete them.

FG, keep this in mind, he is the one who wrecked your marriage and he can't be the one to lead you out. He has to make radical changes if he wants to stay married. And the foundation of that is meeting your conditions.

It doesn't matter if he "buys into that." What matters is what is you decide is best for you and your children. And the best thing for you is be separated from him. It is actually worse for the future of your marriage if you see him because he has not changed. He has not made the radical changes that will be necessary to keep this marriage. Seeing him before then will make it harder to recover.

Oh that was actually in reference to something else. He said other people are saying I'm already divorced in my eyes, or I'm planning my case, or there is someone else. I said there is definitely no one else and couldn't believe he'd buy into that. But what you said still applies.

On the radio I mentioned his opinion about me not wanting to see him. Dr Harley said start with phone calls and possibly public places where I could walk away. Yet I still don't want to talk on the phone either. Maybe that would change if he said I screwed up, I realize I did more than just break things, I hurt y'all, and I'll agree to these conditions.

Something that I have noticed is that you second guess yourself a lot. You almost always seem to know the right thing to do, but he throws you off balance. Have you noticed that? The longer you are away from him the more you will stop second guessing yourself, I predict.

I agree you shouldn't talk on the phone for now. Keep it to text and emails.

Yes I know. You are preaching to the choir. Habits are hard to break.

He finally replied to my letter. He agreed to anger management but only because he has to - said he has no choice. He said some other things again like I told you a counselor would make this worse, that he's wrong for his temper but I'm wrong for the separation from one blow up, that it's worse on the kids and they'd be over it by now if we hadn't separated, etc. He also said he wants back in the house. He said because of his health he needs basic necessities and that me and the kids could go elsewhere if we needed to. I don't know if he will push that or not.

Just reply that you are not willing to reconcile unless and until he makes the major changes listed in your letter and demonstrates them over a year or so. Don't argue with him. And if he comes over, call the police and file a restraining order.

Keep in mind, your conditions are not negotiable. That is the least you need to consider giving him another chance.

Did you change the locks?

I didn't change the locks. I was concerned of any legal issues.

I would strongly recommend you do this asap or he will come in, count on it... It is not illegal in any state of the union to change your locks.

I don't believe he will, but Dr Harley did warn me my compassion would get me into trouble. He said I should be tough with him.

As it turns out he was actually replying to an older email. Somehow he missed what I sent. I resent it tonight and this is what I got via text. (The anger management had previously come up in text which is how he already knew of it to agree to).

I can't agree to this it's impossible. Let me list all your bad behaviors (I listed some of the things I thought were troubling) and see what you think. You've already ruined the family. Gimmie a couple days. I'll respond to the letter. Let me guess, the councilor put you up to that...typical. Your list is unrealistic and without thought or empathy. Besides nothing I've ever done has made you happy.

I don't think you can be happy. You crave too much drama.

You do you FG that's all you've ever cared about.